Boiling Over
by mende5525
Summary: When Slade's crime and identity are found out, the laws have been changed...Raven is placed in the awkward position of probation officer, and when spending extra alone time with him becomes complicated and intense... things start to boil over.
1. Prologue

It had been four years since the demise of Trigon, four years since the return of Terra, four years since the return of Slade, and as of a week ago it had also been the end of Slade.

But that's for later…

What had really changed was the new structuring of the criminal system. The Justice League had come down even harder with its code of ethics and morals in the dealing of criminals.

There had been talk, lots of talk…amongst the public, the government and other heroes. Ever since the Justice League had come into contact with the possible future; one where heroes killed, lobotomized and turned the government into a dictatorship; there were new laws coming into play.

For one, many lawyers and psychiatrists had been arguing that the law was not giving accused criminals fair trails or punishments anymore. Many complaints aimed toward Arkham Asylum for not actually treating its inmates; in fact some were arguing that the asylum had gone corrupt and was actually making its patients worse.

Humanitarians were complaining that the more physically powerful heroes were using unnecessary force on some of their weaker foes. Many people had turned to say that regular human criminals should be handled by police (those of equal caliber) and that the public was relying too much on superheroes.

The police, firemen, and working class complained more than the rest. Police were being put out of work by the ever expanding League, they felt demoralized and unneeded, most civilians waited for heroes rather than call 911.

Firemen were being overworked because of the violent battles that sent buildings crumbling to the ground in fiery heaps. Between the exploding cars, the powers of heat, super strength and high tech explosive, by the time the majority of the battle was over everything was practically ash and more dangerous to work around.

The working class were losing what they needed most…money. Between the rebuilding, the increase of insurances, increase of taxes, increase of security, and overpopulated prisons, the common working person was feeling the effects of good vs. evil the most.

The government was feeling it too. Their citizens were not at ease with the way the criminal system was being practiced and the amount of freedom and trust it allowed its superheroes.

Things had to come to a breaking point… the breaking point was Raven.

When people had finally realized what had happened because of the lone Titan, everyone had gone in an uproar. They had technically been dead and some might argue that they had been saved by the very Titan who had brought on the end of the world, but that wasn't the point.

Hackers had infiltrated the systems private files of the Watchtower and found high-tech footage of the incident. Thanks to the technologies of the Thanagarian people, the demonic magic of Trigon that had froze the universe in stone and time had not affected the advanced high-tech footage meant to repel all forms of magic.

When the information had been leaked everyone had become distrusting of the League, the Titans and all other affiliated groups.

What had truly made it all so terrifying was the fact that no one had known about it, least of all the government. There had been no contingency plan, no way to prepare. Although it was argued that the Titans had prepared and had informed the League for help, even though that wasn't all together true.

Raven had insisted they not tell the League, and Robin had been so adamant in his team's abilities to do the impossible that he hadn't seen the need to get the League involved.

Of course the League had been just as disturbed by the information once everything had returned to normal, as though nothing had ever happened. But something real, **real** serious had happened, the world had been destroyed and the Titans had known about it too little too late.

Raven had kept a secret. Not a regular human secret like: I cheated on my math test, I watch random kitten and puppy videos, or I actually love Taylor Swift.

No…Raven held a secret that had to do with the livelihood and well-being of the entire earth; something which could've been detrimental into her acceptance as a superhero.

It hadn't come as a surprise that many argued that Raven had no business being amongst the Titans.

It also led into discussions as what other superheroes might be hiding, not just from the public, but from their teammates as well.

Superman had come forward finally. It was not in the best interest of the public to inform them on every ability, history and likelihood of danger because it could cause unnecessary fear and panic in its civilians. The trust and freedom the government allowed them to work in was the key foundation in what allowed them to do their jobs to the best of their ability. And as hard as the negatives were in the cases of money and criminal activity, people also had to remember the positives. The League and the Titans saved lives, they helped rebuild and keep structure, and if they weren't as hard as they were on criminals there would be even more casualties and havoc imaginable.

The public, the government, and even a few superheroes… did not agree.


	2. Laws That Bind and Break

**Chapter 1: Laws that Bind and Break**

_One week before Slade's capture…_

"I'll see you guys later," Beastboy called running out of the tower.

Raven barely glanced up from her book while Cyborg called out a goodbye, Starfire waved and Robin mumbled something she didn't catch.

Therapy was a ridiculous.

Why Beastboy enjoyed it so much, she couldn't fathom, but ever since the return of Terra and her lack of any memory of him or the Titans, Beastboy had been going to see their personal therapist once a week since the option had become available to them from the government.

They had a lot of options robbed of them and their work.

Everyone had a personal file available to the public. People knew her height, her weight, the name of her home world, the extent of her abilities, her weaknesses, and where she resided.

Ever since the popularity of social media took off, no single human had any sense of privacy, not truly. With the rise of super-genius hackers breaking through the barriers of Watchtower files, it seemed pointless to try.

Superheroes had strongly fought for their security and privacy, but Raven had ruined that when hackers revealed her secret destiny and caused an outcry. The government ruled that the Justice League had to make certain files available to the public, others to the CIA. They could keep their secret identities secret if they chose to, however if any abilities or skills were kept hidden that could possibly put others at risk there would be consequences.

Suspensions or outlawing their services were one of many complicated outcomes they had weighing on all of them if they didn't comply.

A lot had been on Raven's shoulders ever since the new laws had been put into place. For one she felt responsible, even though her teammates and countless members of the Justice League had told her it wasn't her fault; even though she could tell not all of them really felt that way.

She knew Robin had been berated by Batman many times over, on the rare occasions they did see the caped crusader she felt immense suspicion radiating off him and she deserved it.

She deserved all the resentment good and honest heroes felt towards her, it wasn't fair how they were being treated.

Criminals seemed to be getting more and more breaks, better deals and better treatment. There were now more psychiatric doctors going to meet with them personally, although Robin had stated that it was another Harley Quinn situation waiting to happen.

And although it wasn't against the law for buildings and cars to be crushed during battles, there were strong recommendations to cause as little damage to surrounding property. If it seemed like these cautions were being ignored, then the League or Titans would now pay for repairs on top of already rebuilding.

There were also specialty boot camps that put many criminals to work in a community service type of deal. In some ways it had success. Small time criminals were given something to do and it gave them a sense of purpose and a sense of being needed. They were being exercised and supervised and many cities- including Gotham-were cleaning up nicely.

What had become another new trend (to many heroes great displeasure) was probation. Regular enemies and villains required visits and monitoring of their actions frequently. Almost every hero hated the task of probation and correctional officers, it was tedious and time-consuming when they knew that their most common enemies were going to return to jail sooner or later. The only difference this made was that the prisons weren't so overpopulated all the time.

Criminals weren't the only ones who were being more monitored now, the Watchtower and Titans Tower would receive visits from authorized government officials once a month to inspect any possible dangers, any new updates, or any new activity. This was to ensure the public that the places of hero business were being used and conducted in the safest ways.

Raven already knew that not everyone was following the rules; Batman still had the Batcave off limits, the Fortress of Solitude was impossible to get to, and there were no outsiders permitted to the Themyscira.

No it was not perfect, not even ideal for many heroes, but it had put the citizens more at ease. So all in all it wasn't so bad. Superman had stated many times that it was actually the start of a better partnership between all; everyone was more aware and willing to be better. Even though it seemed as though they were being punished, the reality was that they were being asked to become more open and trusting. As the law abiding optimist, Superman claimed it was actually uniting everyone.

_Whatever, _thought Raven as she grimaced over the fact that some stranger was allowed into her room once a month to check for anything suspicious. At least they weren't allowed to take pictures; at least they didn't have to give everything to the public. Hell…they served the public, why should they get to have so much more than they already gave them?

She looked out the window towards the city and felt a pang of resentment. She had to get over it, it had already been four years, she should be thankful she was still a member of the Titans and even though she rarely used any of it, they had been given some benefits.

For one, they had a bigger budget and more resources available to them. Cyborg had appreciated the number of metals and parts for weapon and technology updates given to them at no price. Robin had been given more leadership roles for their city's police force, teaching them some survival and weapon skills when faced with more dangerous criminals.

Some of the most brilliant and intelligent of heroes had been commended greatly on their help for research, such as disease and poverty. In truth a lot of the world was no longer in dire straits now that more and more of the Justice League offered their services towards charity instead of crime.

Starfire and Beastboy had taken advantage of the many doctors made available. There were life coaches, therapists, and advisors. Some were for emotional conflicts, some were for how to live an ordinary life amongst humans, and some were for lessons on coping and life after their eventual retirement.

Maybe they couldn't be heroes forever, but that was hardly slowing them down. They had however taken up lives outside of the Titans since becoming adults, they had eliminated the "Teen" part a long time ago.

They had also eliminated many of their enemies, which had been one great achievement throughout the many changes.

This left them time to do other things. Raven had to smile at the slow-pace of crime, sometimes they had to catch their breath and be allowed to live.

Speaking of living…Raven looked at the clock hanging in the kitchen and realized she was going to be late for class. "I better get going also," she murmured to no one in particular, just a force of habit to let each other know when they were leaving.

She got the same responses as Beastboy as she phased out of the tower.

Some days Raven considered disguising herself to live a bit more normally, but there wasn't a true need. The Titans were her only friends and family and probably always would be. The thought of someone getting hurt by one of her enemies wasn't something she had to worry about because her loved-ones could handle it.

Anyone willing to risk becoming close to her had to have some balls, Raven just couldn't see it happening. A regular person wanting to be someone important in her life… she didn't think about it, it wasn't plausible.

After a long and deliberate wait, Raven had finally entered college as an English major. The first year had been difficult, students gawked and stared at her. The emotions that flooded her empathy were so intense she nearly quit. But things soon stabilized and within her second year everyone seemed to accept the dark Titan as just another student and Raven had never felt more at ease with herself.

She was able to talk to people who had the same interests as her, she was able to read and write and share her thoughts on some of her favorite literature. She admired the professors and was surprised by the students.

While she had not gotten particularly close to anyone, she did have a few acquaintances and was glad to expose herself a little more to the world, maybe Superman hadn't been so far off, things weren't so bad.

She emerged out of thin air onto the college grounds always happy when no one turned their head in surprise from her sudden appearance. Raven adjusted her leather jacket uncomfortably as she walked closer to the main entrance of Jump City's College of the Arts.

Regular clothing was still something she was getting used to. She tried to avoid a stereotypical Goth look since her features were already so dark and people already had an impression of her being a witch. She often tried for a more casual look, solid colors, straight lines and comfort. Heels and make-up were never going to touch her.

Raven pulled her jacket on tighter as one of the books wedged between her ribs and elbow went tumbling on the pavement.

"Fuck," she whispered bending down to grab it.

Fate had been on her side that morning as an explosion knocked her fully on the ground and sent debris flying over her head. Had she been standing she would've been hit in the head and landed on her face.

The explosion left a huge hole in the front of the schools' lobby area, people were running out in a panic. No one stopped to help her or check if she was ok, they were too busy screaming in hysterics.

Raven blinked rapidly trying to clear her head. It didn't take long for her to recover from the impact being use to battle, she threw off her leather jacket which was now scorched and stood in a fighting stance as the smoke started to clear, she would finally be able to see the enemy.

Her voice barely came above a whisper as the figure appeared. "Slade..."

The armor, the mask, the intimidation… Slade full in the flesh for the first time in years. "Well, if it isn't my favorite Titan," his voice purred as he loomed over her.

Anger overtook her, and before she could even think, Raven engulfed a student's car from the parking lot and flung it at Slade. He dodged it with effortless ease and stood centimeters from her as the car exploded behind him. The Titans were going to have to pay for that out of their budget.

Slade was on her before she could blink and snatched her wrist firmly in his large hand and merely held her. She gritted her teeth and glared at him in his lone eye, her own eyes going white from the build-up of energy radiating though her body.

"That was hardly necessary," he seethed giving her wrist a sharp twist. Raven snapped her eyes shut as she felt her wrist go into a strain, she knew if he wanted to break it he easily could. Her free arm slung forward towards his face, he caught it before it reached him.

As he continued to tighten his grip on her he studied her at length. Naturally he'd been watching the Titans for years, but observing someone from afar was different from actually standing in their presence.

She was taller, still small compared to him, but in full adult form she seemed more mature and less child-like as she had before. Her attire was also interesting to him, she was trying to blend and become part of the world.

Form fitting jeans and a simple black tee-shirt and knee high boots. Regular clothes suited her well, yet he couldn't help but notice how her attitude and mind-set seemed predictably the same. It would hardly be fun fighting her.

As he studied her, Raven became more and more fed up with him manhandling her. Raven did something he never would expect of the young Titan, she snapped her head forward with impressive might into his face. His head rocked back from the force, it hardly hurt since his metal mask was protecting his face, but it took a lot to cause his neck to snap back and make his eyesight blurry.

He knew she was going to have one hell of a bump on her head as she lifted her leg and kneed him in the stomach. Had she used a little more force he might have staggered, instead he rolled his fingers together in a fist and nailed her in the cheek, she went down instantly.

He leaped forward preparing to stomp his foot down into her side but she phased through the ground instantly. As his foot connected with concrete he could hear sirens approaching. He smirked under his mask, innocent bystanders would cause Raven to become more focused on their safety instead of his capture. Perfect.

He sensed her before she was able to fully target him. He leaped into the air as a pillar went crumbling into the street, police cars approaching slowed down as ruble went scattering everywhere. Slade turned to the floating Titan above the schools' main building. Raven looked like she was ready to rip the whole building from the ground and crush Slade with it.

However, the law prevented her from doing that. Besides, Slade had other plans for her and the Titans. "Careful Raven, you wouldn't want to do anything you might regret."

Her eyes glowed in a fiery white as she only continued to try and pummel him with more little pieces of the school. He leaped out of her aim as though it were nothing. Both of them could hear police officers yelling "Stop" in the background, at who directly wasn't clear. All Raven could focus on was nailing the bastard with a large piece of rock, but her aim was pitiful compared to his reflexes.

She was growing tired of this chase and decided to come at him on her own.

Her fighting skills weren't much, certainly not compared to Robin, but her anger was far greater than anyone else's and that was the only thing that gave her an edge as her and Slade traded blows, him nailing more than her.

He had known of her slowly improving on her fighting skills. He was surprised when she had begun to train herself more physically when most of her abilities were more mental and emotional. It was during the Brotherhood of Evil when Slade had discovered Raven's more maternal side.

Having to be responsible for Timmy, Teether and Melvin had made Raven realize that she needed to rely on her hand to hand combat just as much as her mental prowess, especially if she ever had to come into contact with a giant gorilla again.

But Slade was not a clumsy animal, he was coordinated and tactful and landed a hard blow to Raven's chest which sent her flying backward and into the ground. Raven coughed up some blood as she kicked herself back up standing just in time to shield herself from another blow.

Slade regarded her black energy coolly; she was going on the defensive, back into her old fighting habits which had always been more defensive than offensive. He wanted to see more of her fighting and get more of her frustration out, it was working to his advantage better than her playing it safe.

He decided to play a little dirty to get that stress out of Raven, instead of punching at her like he had been, he made a grab for her hair and tossed her like a toy across the street and into a police car, Raven's body slammed into the windshield causing it to shatter and collapse in.

Raven's mouth fell open as she shifted against the broken glass, she couldn't believe Slade had just grabbed her by the hair and tossed her!

He landed on the hood in front of her and her first instinct was to kick, she landed the blow to his knee which she regretted instantly when he fell on top of her.

She tried pushing him off only to find his hands wrapped around her neck. She clawed at his grip which only tightened further, she heard a sickening crunching sound echoing from her neck and felt her lungs start to burn.

As Slade continue to crush her throat and enjoy the look of panic in her eyes she did yet another thing that surprised him. She was reaching for his face- no not his face, his mask. She was trying to get a grip on it and possibly rip it off.

How odd that her final thoughts were concentrated on knowing what his face looked like. He added more pressure.

Her hand fell shakily as her eyes started to roll in the back of her head, he was killing her. He was about to put an end to the whole ordeal when a massive boulder slammed into his side, nearly breaking his ribs, but he was quick to regaining himself already knowing it wasn't Raven who sent the boulder flying at him.

Raven coughed and hacked up more blood and fluttered her eyes which had already gone hazy. She felt Slade near her, but his attention was no longer focused on her, he was focused on someone else.

She looked over the side of the car and recognized a blonde figure standing a few feet away from them.

She looked back at them as though she were just as surprised. The awkwardness floated between all three of them for the longest time, the police officers and screaming students hardly existed as they all stared at each other. Slade was the first to speak. "Hello Terra…seems like you do remember after all."


	3. The Forgiven and Forgotten

A/N: Had to delete the story once. Trying to fix something! But it's still the same and sorry to the one good review I got, I did read it and appreciated it. Any way here we go!

* * *

**Chapter 2: The Forgiven and Forgotten**

By the time the rest of the Titans had showed up Slade had already disappeared, as well as Terra. Police were screaming at Raven for damaging the school, a student car, and one of their police squad cars, despite the fact that it was technically Slade who had thrown her into the windshield.

There was the usual police procedure which always took longer than necessary of questions and reports. Raven was still coughing up blood by the time they got back to the tower, the least the police could've done was let her heal herself, she was glad to finally have that chance.

"But did she say anything, did she leave any clue as to where she went?" The green changeling had been bombarding Raven with questions ever since she had told them all about Terra.

"God damn it Garfield! I already told you everything" she only ever used his name when she got really pissed off at him. Her throat hurt even more as she yelled at him, she wasn't sure how bad her wounds were but she knew it was going to take a few hours. She was betting she had a cracked sternum and badly crushed throat, the police had allowed Cyborg to remove glass from her back during the questioning, but she hadn't seen how badly it was slashed up.

Raven slowly made her way to the medical bay with the rest of her teammates annoyingly behind her.

"Did either of them say anything to you Raven?" Robin asked persistently over and over.

The thought of Slade calling her his favorite Titan still swam around in her confused and rattled brain.

"Nothing from Terra," Raven answered thankful that they had finally reached the medical bay. "And the same old monologue from Slade, destroy the Titans," she added with heavy resentment.

"Why would Terra suddenly choose- or remember -to use her powers; and why would Slade attack Raven out in public when she was by herself?" Robin pondered through his detective brain.

"He wasn't trying to attack me," Raven grunted sitting on the rest bed. "He was trying to kill me."

Starfire inhaled sharply at the thought, "But why? Why now after all this time?"

"Well it's not like he's been totally gone after all these years," Cyborg said trying to help Raven lay down comfortably and her swatting him away. He continued to help her anyway and said, "There have still been his look-a-like robots, and the false threats that have led us on countless dead ends."

It was true, every now and then they defeated a robot designed to look and speak like him, there had been video hacks into their main computer claiming that there were bombs or explosives hidden all over the city; all a bunch of fake cowardly traps that Slade seemed to pull for mere entertainment.

Physically though Slade had been more involved with the Justice League, he seemed to have grown tired of the Titans and needed more of a challenge. Batman had informed them of his involvement with crime groups in Gotham: Espionage and kill contracts.

Slade liked to remind the Titans that he still had it in for them, but he hadn't acted on his intentions towards them for years.

"This time he's actually back," Robin said scrunching his face in concentration. "He's seeking to kill us this time, so we need to be careful."

"But what about Terra!" Beastboy whined again. "Am I the only one who cares about what's going on with her? What if Slade tries to go after her again?"

Raven finally rested her head back and closed her eyes in a painful grunt. "Then let's just hope she doesn't team up with him again and join in the next attack."

"That's not funny Raven!" snapped Beastboy angrily.

"I didn't say it to be funny," she remarked seriously. "Obviously she lied about not remembering anything, how do you know she won't turn on us again now that she's using her powers."

Beastboy was going to start arguing with her when Robin put a hand on his shoulder to stop the conflict. "Alright everyone that's enough," he demanded sternly. "We all have a lot of questions and a lot of work to follow up on, but for now I need you to heal yourself Raven. We all need to think clearly and calmly about this and be ready for whatever comes next."

Everyone nodded in unison to their leader and started to leave the room to let Raven go into her meditative trance for healing. Before Robin left he said one last thing to her. "And I don't want you going anywhere by yourself Raven."

She lifted her head to look him in the eye to see if he was serious, he was.

Robin was quick to explain himself before she protested. "For whatever reason Slade targeted you first, he made sure you were on your own and in public, completely caught off guard. It's better if we're all together until we can take him down."

Raven sighed and rested her head back on the pillow, not having the energy to argue with him. That meant she would have to cancel her classes and make up a mountain of homework and tests. Nothing irritated her more than the thought of falling back in school, she took pride in being a good student and Slade had just ruined that.

But that's what Slade excelled in…ruining people.

Robin left without another word, Raven cursed under her breath and kicked the railing of the bed hard.

_Let that anger rise._

Rage was having fun in her head. Her emotions were running more rampant than they had in a while. She needed to be mindful of her reactions and responses for the next few days.

Raven was about to go into her recovery trance when she noticed a slight bulge in her pocket. Most of Raven's street clothes had been torn and damaged in the fight, she had cleaned up as much as possible, but at what point did something get lodged in her pant pocket?

Raven reached for the object hidden in her pocket and nearly dismissed it for a random rock until she realized that there were words engraved in the stone.

**GRAVE**

**COME ALONE**

* * *

She had to be careful. Right now the Titans assumed she was asleep in her room when really she was several hundred feet underground. They would go into a panic if they figured out she was missing, and Robin would be beyond angry with her. Not that it mattered right now, what mattered was meeting Terra.

The message had been short and curt with little clues, but enough for Raven to know what it meant. She didn't know when, but somehow Terra had managed to sneak a message to Raven.

The grave was Terra's resting spot when she had still been stone, and the reasons why she had to come alone were still a mystery to Raven.

She was guessing a large part of it was not wanting to be confronted by all the Titans, or worst case scenario she really was working for Slade again and it was an ambush. But despite the cruel jab she had taken at Terra's loyalty earlier, she didn't truly believe Terra would do something like that again.

Raven chose to go in her regular uniform or rather what she considered to be her real clothes, her leotard, cloak and hood. When it came to someone as unpredictable as Terra is was best to come dressed for a fight.

She had to maneuver her way carefully around the passages, they were vast and maze like when Terra had first created them, some were collapsed in from the volcano and others were miles long with dead ends at every corner. Admittedly Raven had not come down here much to visit Terra's stone body, so she could hardly remember which way to go without getting lost or sidetracked.

She finally reached the location in over an hour and saw the familiar blonde sitting in her old resting spot.

"Glad you finally made it," Terra said tossing a rock in the air with her powers.

Raven made a huffing sound and regarded her coldly, hardly taking a step closer. Terra didn't seem to care either way as she continued to make little pebbles dance around in the air. "Figured you'd have a little trouble finding your way back down here, but I knew you'd come either way. You're stubborn that way I guess."

"And you're deceptive in the way you go about meeting people, glad to see that hasn't changed," Raven countered back suspiciously.

Terra rolled her eyes at her and stood with her hand on her hips. "Look at me, does it really look like I'm about to deceive you." Terra was dressed in a regular white shirt and black pants with a pair of hiking boots. "I did save your life earlier didn't I? How about a little gratitude?"

"Why did you save my life by the way?" Raven asked with a raised eyebrow.

Terra sneered, offended by her. "Gee, I guess I just didn't feel like letting Slade kill you or something. Believe it or not I'm not the same person I use to be."

"Well you can say that again," Raven sneered back. "Why have you been trying to hide who you use to be? The city knows you sacrificed your life in the end, Beastboy still thinks you're a good person and we've all forgiven you."

"Really? You've **all** forgiven me for what I did, and the city would be so thrilled to know I was back?" Terra asked condescendingly before shaking her head sadly. "No you guys might have forgiven me, but you all look at me differently, Beastboy only wants to believe I was good because he was in love with me and as for the rest of the world…" She paused to look long and hard at Raven who continued to stand there mutely.

"How did the world look at you when it discovered your dark side?" Terra didn't ask for an answer, she already knew. She just wanted Raven to understand why it was she decided not to become a superhero again, why she didn't try reuniting with the Titans.

Raven tried to say something but soon felt defeated empathizing with Terra's situation. "It takes a while, but after some time it goes back to normal."

Again Terra only shook her head. "You changed the laws, the way heroes operate, the way villains get put away. The world might forgive you for messing up once or twice, but it never forgets." Terra sighed once before explaining, "I thought it'd be a lot easier for people to forget me if they thought I was still dead. That's why I've been hiding out, that's why I convinced Beastboy I didn't remember anything. I know it's selfish to want to feel normal, but I would never be able to be that if I came back as my old self."

Raven took in a slow breath and exhaled, understanding fully why Terra did what she did. "No it's not selfish to want to feel normal Terra. I'm sorry you couldn't come back to us."

Terra smiled at her. "Well my cover is blown now that I had to save your sorry ass," she said jokingly.

Raven rolled her eyes but smiled all the same. "So why did you bring me down here?"

"It was the only secure place I could think of. Knowing Slade, he had cameras and eyes all over the city. There's nothing down here that I wouldn't be able to detect," she said proudly.

"Won't he figure out that you might be hiding down here though?"

Terra looked at her with a glint of glee in her eye. "That's why we need to act fast."


	4. Death Wish

**Chapter 3: Death Wish**

It had all happened so fast, one minute she was there, the next she was missing, and then the alarm had went off. Earthquakes and vibrations shaking most of the city, by all accounts it should have been a natural disaster, but the city was still intact and one of its most dangerous and allusive criminals had been captured.

The only scare had been when they did finally find Raven, nearly destroyed and without memory of the incident.

The surprise was Terra with memory and with Raven in her arms.

The anticipation was what was going to happen to Slade and if Terra was going to stay with the Titans.

The irony was the same person who had killed Slade years ago was the same one to catch him.

Raven lay in Titans medical bay in what felt like a bizarre sense of déjà vu. This morning had been like any other, her going to school and preparing for tests, discussions and homework. Then Slade had attacked her…blindly, then attempted to kill her. She had met with Terra to discuss how to capture Slade, and somewhere along the way she had ended up right back in the medical bay.

She had never felt so defeated in her life, the lack of criminal activity these last few years had made her soft.

This time her team really had had to save her life, she had been in critical condition when they found her.

When she awoke she was in intense pain, knowing for sure she had a few broken bones, the headache of a concussion, her stomach burned and she could make out the spottiness of internal bleeding.

As her body finished healing itself, only one question kept repeating in her mind over and over…

_What the hell happened? _

The plan was to lure Slade to Terra, convince him that she wanted to be his apprentice again and then once his guard was down Raven would ambush him, alert the Titans from her communicator and the two of them would keep him busy until the rest of the Titans showed up.

They had considered using Raven as bait, Terra holding a hostage for Slade, one he wanted to kill, but the risk was too great since she had already nearly died once already that day.

So at what point had things gone bad? Somehow Raven had gotten nearly crushed to death during the battle and somehow Terra had managed to capture Slade on her own… something was not right, Raven could sense it, and yet her injuries had been so intense that her mind had completely blocked out more than half of the incident.

**-A Few hours Ago-**

It was reckless, naïve even to think they were finally going to be able to capture him, but Raven's better sense wasn't fueling her right now. The only thing fueling her was the anger, the frustration, and the curiosity. The man who helped deliver her to her father, the man who brought the end of the world with her, the man who went missing for years and suddenly appeared out of thin air.

Why had he come back and why was he trying to kill her…again?

It wasn't like Slade to do things without motive, it wasn't like Slade to be so impulsive with his actions, to just go after one of them and not get something out of it. What did he gain from her death this time around?

All of this and more she wanted to know, but mostly she just wanted to get back at him, slug him a few times across the jaw and finally put an end to this never ending cycle. He was an infection, a scar on their world. No one knew it better than her and Terra, and certainly Robin as well, they would all get their shot at him as soon as Slade arrived; which according to Terra would be any minute now.

Part of her worried this was a trap, what if Terra really did want to rejoin Slade and help him kill her? Terra and her had never been close, and Slade and Terra together could easily defeat her if they wanted to.

Raven stayed hidden in the shadows sensing his presence nearby, her heart started beating so hard she worried he might hear it. She started breathing more heavily than normal and realized she was getting nervous!

She wasn't scared of Slade, she stopped being scared of him a long time ago, but there was something new replaced by the fear, something she couldn't name as her fingers started to shake at the sound of his heavy footsteps approaching.

"Well isn't this familiar," his smooth baritone voice echoed off the cave walls. "The place where we both brought the city to its knees and the place where we both died."

Raven heard a shuffle across the room, and soon realized Terra was moving closer to him. "Yeah, good times," she said flatly.

"It's nice to see your abilities haven't completely vanished with your _amnesia._" Raven heard Terra scoff and could already imagine the snide smirk she was giving him.

"Well it's a little bit difficult to practice in private but I still remember how to get away with it." She heard a thoughtful sigh from Slade and was even surprised herself. Terra was even better now at being allusive, all these years and they had not once felt a rumble or disturbance her powers use to so easily cause, she really had gained more control.

"I taught you well," Slade remarked proudly.

"Don't get so full of yourself." There was an amusement in Terra's voice that made Raven uncomfortable. She had to remind herself that Terra had been alone with Slade for months. It wasn't so unusual that they were familiar to each other, but it did seem strange how convincing Terra made it seem when she had hated him so much in the end. She had after all been the one who killed him.

"Should I expect you to attack me?" Slade was moving closer to her. Raven summoned her black energy into her fists preparing to launch at him. "Or is this something else? Something more important than just mere revenge?"

Raven peeked out from her hiding spot and saw Terra still smirking. "Actually… I was hoping we could pick up where we left off."

From there everything was black. No memory of coming out behind the shadows, no memory of being crushed under the weight of heavy boulders, no recollection of the Titans bringing her back to the tower and her body automatically throwing itself into its healing unconsciousness.

She didn't like it. Not so much because she wanted to recall every single gritty detail, especially when it came to the pain, but the things that were now coming forth were troubling her most of all.

Somehow Slade had put Raven in the pathway of one of Terra's attacks which had nearly killed her. So at what point did Terra have time to capture him and save Raven at the same time? The fact of him being captured…was still not real to her.

Slade's identity wasn't so secretive anymore and Terra's information was more vast than any of them could imagine. Raven felt as though she had been played, even though Robin urged her that Terra had saved her life.

So far Raven had learned the bare minimum.

Slade was not some cover name like she had hoped for. Slade was Slade Wilson…Wilson…he actually had a last name, he was actually human.

Slade had been living within the public for years; he wouldn't have trouble hiding because as far as anyone was concerned he was just another rich anonymous business man. Money meant freedom and he didn't even have to steal it the way most criminals did. He knew how to properly invest and stabilize his money. Naturally most of his money came from his work as a mercenary; all _that_ money was untraceable of course.

The most surprising part was Slade use to be in the army, he had been a respected solider. Once again he naturally had a good reputation and spotless crime record. Slade Wilson was not Slade the villain to anyone in the public.

In fact, Slade had never even been dead when Terra defeated him years ago. Slade had colleagues of some kind that had kept all his finances, investments and contracts circulating for the entire year Slade had been among the dead.

Whoever his friend was had gone missing the second Slade had been captured, no coincidence of course. Slade had everything thought out, he was two steps ahead of everyone on all possibilities, which was what scared Raven even more. Whatever sentence he was going to receive he would be prepared for. At this point whatever sentence he received could be minimal to what he would have gotten four years ago.

Whatever happened now would be her fault inadvertently. There were thoughts running through her mind like locusts. Slade was just another guy in real life, Slade had been a soldier, Slade had a spotless record, Slade the man who helped her destroy the world was also the man who helped try to destroy Trigon.

Her father, his master, all until the very end when she regained her strength and when he regained his body, things could not be more complicated and she had no way of foreseeing the future.

She started to breathe easier as her ribs fully mended and her headache subsided, now all she could feel was a buzzing haze that always left her worn out from her healing abilities.

As she started to regain full consciousness she heard the _swoosh _of the medical bay doors opening.

_Not now please…_

She knew Robin had a bone to pick with her. She left the tower wounded, to secretly meet with a former Titan to try a defeat one of their most dangerous enemies.

She readied herself for a stern lecture and was surprised to see Beastboy standing in front of her.

"Raven," by the tone in his voice she could tell he was going to say something serious and deep. He rarely got like this, especially with her considering how odd and different they were around each other.

"What is it Garfield?" again she used his name to let him know that he had her full attention.

He stood awkwardly before her trying to find his words. "Why did you do this?" It was an elaborate and complicated question, with no simple answers. She didn't know how to answer so Beastboy continued on with an explanation.

"I know you think you have to do things alone, but I've already told you you're never alone. We already lost Terra once because of Slade, and today we almost lost you."

She finally realized that she had scared Beastboy with her near death incident, not as though it had never happened before, but usually her teammates were there to save her. This time she had been reckless and the worst part was all because she had wanted to capture Slade.

She could lie and say it was to protect her teammates, but it wasn't all together true. She had wanted revenge, and it was obvious that Beastboy knew that and wanted to know why she had acted on that instinct.

"I'm sorry Beastboy," she finally answered. "I wasn't thinking I suppose."

He gave her a small smile that didn't reach his eyes. "It really hurt when we lost Terra, and I know you've never been fond of her…"

She resisted the urge to roll her eyes, as if it truly mattered that her and Terra got along, but it did to Beastboy.

"I'm just glad she's back and I'm glad you're still here, you're my best friend you know." The lightness and sincerity in his voce made her feel a bit guilty. She knew in some strange sense he did regard her as his best friend.

She wished she could say the same, but it was still hard for her to fully be herself in front of him. What it was that Beastboy felt towards her was a need for closeness which he would never receive. He had to put effort and energy into being someone to her, and that was why he regarded her so highly.

She wished she could put in one half of the energy that he did, but she didn't have it in her. She cared for him very deeply, but not nearly in the same way he did for her.

"We're going to be a different team now," she said passively. He looked at her confused and she only exhaled wearily. "Terra is back, Slade is captured…and we don't even know what kind of sentence he's going to receive. We haven't even had time to process the fact that he's returned."

He exhaled just as tiredly as her and grabbed a stool to sit next to her bed. He had similar thoughts swimming through his head as well. "I know… I still can't believe you guys managed to capture him."

She scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Technically Terra did most of the work, I feel as though we've gone soft in our approach to fighting."

"Well we haven't done any serious fighting in a while," he said as though he actually missed the old days.

"So how did Terra manage to do it by herself?" Raven asked suspiciously.

The question made Beastboy uncomfortable. "Maybe she has more control than we realized, maybe she remembers something about Slade that we don't, she was his apprentice for a while."

So was Robin, and yet he had never been able to bring Slade down. What kind of weakness would Terra know about them that none of them did?

"I don't want to think about it right now," Raven admitted out loud. "I just want to see Slade's ass put in prison," she added with a loud groan stretching out her muscles.

Beastboy chuckled beside her, not use to her being so crass and crude. She smirked back lightly realizing that although she still wasn't one hundred percent comfortable around him, it had gotten easier through out the years.

His face suddenly got serious again. "Raven…what if they don't send him to prison? What if they give him a lighter sentence?"

She swallowed thickly and took in a shaky breath before replying with heavy sarcasm, "Then kill me now."

* * *

A/N: I know this seems like I'm leaving out a huge chunk of the story trying to rush to the whole Slade and Raven thing, but this chapter will come back in a very important way, the details will be revelaed in due time…(Evil Laugh)… Review!


	5. Punishment

**Chapter 4: Punishment**

The authorities were not very forgiving or grateful for superheroes. In fact most of them resented them for making their jobs even more difficult, the salary hadn't changed and the labor of finding proper reprimands wasn't always met with cooperation. Many super beings had an ego and thought they were above certain rules.

Raven wanted to prove humble and cooperative, but the latest of reemerging faces in her life had all but taken the good graces out of her. Her body was physically drained from all the healing and mending. Her brain was still frazzled and confused, there didn't seem to be any new facts on what exactly had happened between Terra and Slade and where she fell in the middle of all this. Her emotions were rampant, mostly due to everyone else around her. Her teammates were either confused, excited or anxious to the highest degree.

She ran her hands over her face grumpily and let out a long impatient sigh. They had been at the city council board for hours now and everyone was arguing on what to do. They were still waiting to hear what Slade's sentence was and what Raven's punishment would be for causing so much damage during her first fight with Slade.

There was also some talk about Terra's reinstatement, but no concrete decisions could be made until the FBI was done interviewing her. Terra made Raven more nervous than anything, her presence back on the team… she still didn't know how she felt about that.

She had heard over and over that they were revealing Slade's actual face all over the news. Of course Robin had wanted to see it, but Raven had hidden in her room to completely avoid that possibility. She wasn't ready.

The head police chief of the city finally sat down with them with a heavy sigh. When it came to the dealings of villains the court proceedings were done quickly and privately, it had only been a week of deciding and yet it felt as though a whole year had gone by. All of the Titans wanted to know what the final verdict was.

All of them were praying for a long prison sentence, but that was no longer up to them.

Officer Berkley had met with the Titans several times, more often than not the sentencing's were usually to the Titans liking. Their less dangerous enemies got lighter sentences, the stronger ones were in confinement, some in prison.

Slade was different though.

He was not your common criminal, he was a mastermind, a conqueror, a business man. The sentence could go many different ways. For one, many of his crimes had been very serious such as the targeting of superheroes and takeover of the city when Terra had been his apprentice.

However the incidents had been followed by a large inactivity period as far as the Titans went, some of his contracts were not all together illegal but more in secret. Slade's time in the army had made him a mercenary for the CIA and some of the U.S allies.

Not all of his contracts were issued by people outside of the system which put law enforcement in an awkward predicament now the CIA and FBI officials were ordering that information be acknowledge to just the Titans and not the public.

His work as a business man also put a strain on others since Slade owned, invested and funded several businesses. They couldn't revoke his name without revoking his money which would bankrupt several places and cost jobs.

His private work with charities and city council contributions made his evil deeds a little less and less obvious.

It angered Robin to finally have this information and he wished he had broken the rules of security a bit more when the law was still a little more lenient to them. Naturally most of Slade's money work was under private and restricted terms since he was a billionaire and didn't want the public knowing of his fortune which was made ready for many of the rich and famous since they could easily be targeted by dangerous villains.

Robin had repeatedly searched for the name Slade, but there were far too many names, or similar names to pin point one exactly. Slade Wilson himself was an unlikely suspect since no priors had shown up. In Robin's line of work almost all criminals had a history, but Slade had little to none.

Either because it was hidden or unknown, whatever punishment he was going to receive was not going to be good enough.

* * *

"Are you fucking kidding me!"

She wasn't sure who had screamed it. Maybe it was Robin in anger, maybe it was Beastboy in disbelief, or maybe it was her in denial. But the sentence was beyond bogus, beyond comprehension, and as great as she could define it, _dumb-witted_.

Home confinement was the largest part of Slade's verdict. Fines and loss of certain benefits and assets were to be expected; but to not go to prison and to serve one year in home confinement without the use of computer, phone, television, or visitors was hardly a punishment suit for someone like Slade

Yet they had been assured over and over again that it was the best sentencing they saw fit for him.

"We discussed this at length," officer Berkley argued stubbornly. "You can take this up with the judge if you wish, you can talk to city council or you can go to the mayor for all I care! But our decision is final."

Robin had every intention of battling this, he wanted Slade in prison. Yet with the verdict already in place, there was no way of making a real impact; Especially when the laws dictated little input from superheroes when it came to the court proceedings.

"However…" officer Berkley continued with more bad news. "There are other matters we need to discuss, particularly involving you," he said pointing right at Raven.

_Fuck, fuck, fuck_

This was another large part of the day she had been dreading. She knew the way she had gone at Slade so intensely was bound to cost her a few reprimands.

"Well the repairs to the college and the one student car you destroyed are going to have to come out of your budget."

_Naturally, _out of everything that had happened during that fight that was something she regretted. She liked her school, she liked the faculty and students. She knew wrecking the entrance and someone's car had only made things harder on them.

"You damaged a police squad car," he said with heavy resentment in his voice.

She wanted to argue with Berkley that that had been Slade's fault, but Robin quickly gave her a look that told her to shut up.

"That will also come out of your budget." When police or any other federal property was damaged, it cost them more dearly than anything else. Superheroes were largely funded by taxes and donations, any essentials of their own personal belongings came from their own pockets.

However since many heroes didn't live double lives- like the Titans -any extra money _use _to come from extra jobs such as help with construction. But now that the laws dictated that heroes didn't get extra pay from reconstruction, there had been some large cutbacks for the Titans such as buying extra food, books for Raven, or car parts for Cyborg.

Whenever their budget got cut it became a burden, Robin had called in extra money from Bruce once or twice so that they didn't have to eat pizza every single freaking night or so they could have emergency money for spare parts for the tower in case of an attack or cyber hack.

The government helped cover a lot, but budget cuts hurt them in a lot of ways that slowed down their job.

Raven could feel the stress of a limited budget already taking its toll on her teammates, the feelings she felt swimming around the room were mutual.

Robin and Cyborg stood behind her, both of them clenching and unclenching their fists, Beastboy sat to her left rubbing his sweaty forehead worriedly, Starfire to her right had wavering eyes and was taking deep contemplative breaths.

Raven herself was grinding her teeth, furrowing her brow, and getting a headache from this entire process. She wanted to tell officer Berkley to screw off and walk out, but there was still something else he had to address with her.

"As you know, when we issue sentences for home confinement or probation, we usually assign either an officer to check in on the criminal, or we assign one of you if we feel like our people aren't trained or experienced enough to handle someone of this caliber."

This time Raven accidently bit her lip and could feel the swelling of a bruise. She already knew one of them would have to keep tabs on Slade.

Poor Robin…having to go into Slade's home, listening to his condescending banter, having to investigate anything remotely suspicious he could be plotting. Naturally there was no way for Slade to be monitored 24/7 to the highest degree of caution. An ankle bracelet and public exposure of his face would hardly be an obstacle for him to overcome.

Raven was betting within two weeks he would disappear once again. Maybe in another four years he would return and try to kill her again, she almost scoffed at the idea.

She felt a shift in Robin and she knew he was becoming serious and going into leader mode, prepared to deal with the task of monitoring Slade. There was no one better for the job.

"**Raven **you will be spending an hour each day monitoring Slade's home and checking his progress."

The room seemed to go utterly still and quiet. Everyone was looking at each other as though they had misheard officer Berkley.

Raven stared straight at him only to have him stare back, he was serious, and everyone in the room was livid.

Robin quickly leaned over her and placed his hand firmly on the table trying to stay composed and not shout at Berkley. "Excuse me, as the leader of the Titans, I have to strongly advise and go against this decision."

Officer Berkley shrugged his shoulders and looked back at Robin lazily. "Once again that's not my call, if you have a problem with the decision then you need to take it up with city council, but I have to tell you we picked Raven for **many** strong reasons."

"Such as?" demanded Robin becoming more and more angered with what was happening to his teammate.

Raven was speechless as the reasons started coming out like one bad shock after another. "Well as far as monitoring goes, you're the best suited since you can sense emotions, we also feel like this is an appropriate punishment for you, normally we would suspend you for such overly aggressive attacks."

"Overly aggressive! In case you didn't realize I was fighting for my life out there!" Raven realized she had been shouting when Robin put a firm hand on her shoulder.

Berkley was about to speak again but she quickly cut him off trying to pound some sense into his brain. "This is a man who helped deliver me to my father and essentially caused the end of the world," argued Raven. Yes it was true, in her mind she did blame Slade for what happened. It's why she still hated him as greatly as she did. "Not to mention he tried to kill me twice, yet you think it's a good idea to have me be the one to enter his house alone!"

"To be fair…" Berkley replied calmly and evenly. "By our accounts, during the end of the world scenario, you went with him voluntarily; he did assist you all in trying to defeat Trigon. In fact Robin, you mentioned that it was Slade who helped lead you to Raven when you all assumed she was dead."

Raven looked up at Robin in shock. He had guilt flooding off him as he tried to explain, "I did mention that in my report yes, but I did also mention that the only reason Slade had done that was because he had an agenda, to retrieve his body."

The prosecutor quickly regarded his answer with another comeback. "So why wouldn't Slade just retrieve his body and leave you all on your own, technically he didn't have to help you all out at all."

For the first time in her life Raven watched her leader become speechless. She sighed tiredly and knew there was no escaping this. "His past merits hardly put him at the top of our most dangerous list, by all means his biggest target is you, we don't want him targeting the League with such brutality."

Raven rolled her eyes, the Justice League always came first, and the Titans were viewed as secondary heroes, still viewed as teens, as sidekicks, as leftovers. Of course it would be one of them to watch him and monitor him, and of course it would be Raven since she was the one to last be so involved with him and all his destruction.

"And I shouldn't mention this but…" Raven narrowed her eyes at Berkley as he looked at her with curiosity and suspicion. "But Slade had specifically asked for you…"

His sentence faded off as though he were waiting for her to give him an explanation of why Slade had requested she be the one to be his probation officer.

"Because he wants to kill me!" Raven remarked harshly.

Berkley shook his head is total disagreement. "He actually swore to us that he had no intention of hurting you any further, he only wants Raven entering his home. He said she's the only one…that he trusts."

This time the odd looks all turned towards Raven as she too seemed bewildered by this information. "He's lying," she added weakly.

Again Berkley only shrugged his shoulders. "He targeted you for a reason, he's the reason for your own reprimands and we feel it's the best option for now. If we feel like you are at risk or this isn't the best Titan to be within Slade's proximity then we will reconsider."

Raven had become so numb by then that she barely heard officer Berkeley mutter in, "There will also be a mandatory psychiatric evaluation you'll have to attend for a week to make sure your emotions are as in check as you claim them to be."


	6. Ode to a Raven

A/N: What Slade really thinks of Raven and only two more chapters away from them being stuck together in his home!

I'm posting this chapter now because I'm going to be extremely busy this weekend before returning to work and I don't know when the next chapter will be ready even though I already have the rough draft ready, I'm trying to keep the updates current as possible but I have been known to fall off the radar from time to time but I will do my best to not let that happen! Anyway, enjoy.

**Chapter 5: Ode to a Raven**

It had been a joke of a capture, and joke of a sentence, and the biggest joke was how little the Titans knew and that Raven couldn't remember. He was sure she was racked with utter confusion as to why he requested her as his probation officer.

_Oh, wouldn't you like to know little bird. _

You might ask how can it be so difficult to find a man with only one eye? You'd be surprised. Jump City was by no means small, it was actually extremely large and filled with dozens of strange ailments such as missing body parts. People got hurt all the time, it was just a fact for any large city with super powered villains, Slade was hardly the first and only person to sport an eye patch.

Although a person of Slade's stature and presence was a rare thing to behold, the sad truth was Slade's in-home confinement was not a real punishment to him because he almost never left home. Public life had never been needed.

Wintergreen, his best friend and loyal servant, was the one who would do the grocery shopping, the runner of his mail, the advisor and negotiator of his finances, his bank and his business partners didn't even know what he looked like.

When you have money and had enough to hand it out, people hardly cared what you looked like or did for a living.

His only company, besides Wintergreen, was other villains and even they never saw his true face. But his human face was not his true face, his mask was. And now he had been robbed of that.

That had been the only part of this punishment which he felt unfairly dealt on him. His flesh and skin broadcasted all over the news like a half-time show, and people looking at him with a little less fear and a different kind of curiosity he loathed.

Once his sentence was over he didn't know what would happen to his personal life. Now that his identity was out and open he would possibly have to change it and go into hiding all over again, this time would be more complicated but it wasn't all together impossible.

Wintergreen was safe and hidden away as prepared for such circumstances, when he would see him again he had no way of knowing, but he wasn't about to let his greatest accomplice take the fall for any of his deeds.

He just had to serve his time and be more careful, for what it was worth he had had a good run, but just because people knew what his face looked like didn't mean it had to stop there, this was just the start of something new.

For some dyeing means the end, for others it means a beginning. For Slade it meant seeing things that still haunted him and feeling things he didn't know he could feel.

His very own apprentice had betrayed him and he paid with his life. His biggest failure in his life was never asserting full and total control over his attempted apprentices.

Mastering control and dominance in all aspects of his life was what made him such an accomplished and secretive criminal and mercenary. Nothing in his life brought him regret except for failing to create his ideal successor.

It was similar to the way people wanted kids; someone to follow in your footsteps, someone to do better than you, someone to carry on your name and legacy.

Slade thought breaking the will of troubled teenagers would be easy, he had been sorely mistaken by the amount of will and troubles young people had these days.

Ultimately it would be his downfall had it not been for one Titan in particular…

The beginning of death is always painful. Not only was Slade treated to lava eating away his skin, muscles, organs, and systems, he felt the shutting down of his brain, the stopping of his heart, the explosion of his lungs. Pain so unreal you know it's what you're dying from; not the lava, the pain.

It felt like he had slept for an eternity when awoke to see a four-eyed creature staring at him.

A demon.

Eyes so blood red you couldn't help but be afraid and be fascinated all at the same time.

There was a literal heaven and hell, and he was very deserving of his placement, his time of mortality had proven him perfect for a job of bringing about the end of the world.

The four-eyed creature had called itself Trigon and soon went into detail of his daughter, someone Slade was rather familiar with.

Raven.

One of the less interesting Titans… had suddenly become very interesting and all the more fun to hunt down in all her vulnerability.

Oh how he enjoyed the job of breaking in his little bird. Her control, resilience and denial, he had broken her to the point of willingly following him to her end and it was the first time since returning from the dead that he felt like he had completed a job so beautifully. It was only natural he received his payment.

He had been foolish, he hated to admit he should have heeded Raven's warning, but throughout his life as a business man when you completed a contract you honored all agreements. He had forgotten the fact that he was dealing with an all powerful devil, devils lied and deceived to no end, they didn't have honor or priorities because they weren't created with such notions.

The whole ordeal with Raven had changed him, and some days he rather he just stayed dead.

For one he had died, or rather murdered, by his own apprentice. As if that hadn't been humiliating enough, he then became a servant boy for a devil in order to regain his body.

He was virtually numb throughout, he hadn't been able to feel pain or pleasure physically, but the emotional side of him had never felt so immense, because of her… he didn't like that she was the one who had stirred the strongest emotions he could have ever experienced.

He had a few benefits to that awful ordeal, supernatural abilities, targeting a new Titan to which he had incredible knowledge of, and actually witnessing the end of the world.

Although he was a mercenary and power fiend, he didn't have a psychopathic desire to destroy the world, just to conquer it. Witnessing the end of humanity was something that only he and the Titans got to see, something he and Raven brought to pass.

He had known things about her before her friends ever did, he got to see the true extent of her powers and the severity of her dark side. He always knew there was something bad, something evil within her; he never would have guessed she was the literal daughter of the devil.

He had a few times to study her better during their fight, things more intimate and personal then just watching her from a point of security and secrecy. He had a vivid memory of her and their interactions on her birthday, but the images hardly left him wanting to see more of her.

Now at 20 years old she a lot less interesting; still sickly attached to her friends, still broody and standoffish, sarcastic and headstrong. It had been rather amusing when it was _her_ that caused the shift in how heroes could perform now.

Out of all the super beings to make such drastic change in the world and it was a meager Titan girl just barely old enough to enter college.

She still had dark lavender hair, barely longer than it had been before, only he knew why she hated her hair long. Her skin paler than pale, made even more propionate by her dark features, her eyes were big and violet and still angry and sad.

She wasn't his type by any means. She was dark and exotic, but not traditionally beautiful which is what he preferred. He was a typical man of discriminating taste, blondes, tan skin, soft and charming. Raven couldn't fit the mold in all her lifetime no matter how much the world's taste in women changed, she was too unapproachable.

None the less she was interesting to look at, in a morbid sense it was interesting to look at her because he knew what she looked like underneath her clothes.

He knew so much of what her skin looked like and she didn't even know what his face looked like, it was an advantage he had over her, and that's how he liked it.

When she had tried going for his mask during their little romp he had seriously considered breaking her hand, but the fact that her last dying wish had been to see his face had given his ego a big rise, it meant she wanted something from him.

She would get it too. Soon enough she would be entering his home for an hour each day and forced to be around his personal items and his very presence.

He liked the idea of her squirming at his sight, he didn't enjoy the idea of her entering his private world, he didn't want her in his home, but he needed it to be her.

It would be a year, everyday for an hour… it would almost be like old times. After her birthday he had disrupted her dreams, meditation and daily activities just as a reminder of her fate, now she would have that opportunity and he was interested to see how she would carry out this new circumstance of them being forced together by fate.

* * *

There was a preliminary meeting before anything else took place. It was the day she would finally behold his face and get to really look him in the eye.

She still didn't want to see him, she didn't want to follow through with this process, she was going to enter his home day in and day out and on top of it all… she had to meet with a therapist to assess that she was a functioning superhero.

The whole team wanted to go with her to Slade's holding cell, but she had vehemently refused to let them tag-along as a form of moral support. She didn't want Slade perceiving her as weak and unable to hold her own, she also didn't want her team to witness if that really would be the case.

When it came to Slade, she had no real way of foretelling how she would react, but whatever emotion came forward it was always a negative one.

By the time she got to the county jail there was already an audience of press surrounding the entrance.

"Son of a…"

As she flew over head all the reporters and journalist started to shout at her and bulbs to cameras were going off. She quickly phased through the roof of the building, scaring the crap out of a security guard.

Officer Berkley led her to the holding cells. As she expected most of the ingrates either shouted at her in rebellious anger, while others cowered at her sight. Slade sat calmly and composed as if this was nothing, and he was right, this was nothing.

She regarded him quickly and then looked away, refusing to make an observation or lasting impression. He had a human face and at that point that was all that mattered to her.

Slade meanwhile frowned as the young Titan refused to give him half a second of a look. Why was she so disinterested in seeing his face now? He didn't consider himself ugly even with the eye patch, older yes but not impossible to look at.

She stood a foot away from his cell and faced officer Berkley as he went over the terms of Slade's at home-confinement.

"Two days from now after we have done a complete sweep your home Slade, you will be allowed to return with an ankle monitor. Any deviation of the device will immediately set off police and Titan alarms, there will be an extra perimeter of officers around your home at all times."

_Doubtful, _thought Slade knowing if he did have plans for escape that even the best police units wouldn't be able to slow him down. The police force had gotten just as lazy as its superheroes.

"Raven in addition to your mandatory psychiatric evaluation," Slade chuckled much to Raven's annoyance. The thought of her having to sit down with a shrink was too amusing. "You will monitor and track Slade's behavior and make sure he isn't violating any terms of his confinement or plotting any escape or attack tactics in any way shape or form as stated by law…"

Raven drowned out the rest of the speech painfully aware that Slade's one good eye was boring into the back of her head like heat vision. Why had he asked for her?

And why didn't he just try and kill her now? She was standing close enough to the cell bars that he could easily snake an arm though and choke her to death like he had tried to do before. Why did he suddenly want **her **to monitor his actions and be in his home?

Was this some game?

Of course, everything was a game to Slade, everything had its reasons and agendas. Raven just didn't know what it was he had intended for her.

She tried to refocus her thoughts back to officer Berkley since he was the only other distraction in the room.

"...So do you understand all the terms and guidelines to this situation?" Both Raven and Slade said nothing and stared back at officer Berkley with bored expressions, he licked his lips awkwardly and nodded to the both of them. "Alrighty then, I just have to process the last of the paper work for you to look over and then well…"

Again neither of them said anything and Berkley rushed off leaving the two of them alone.

Slade leaned his head back against the cold cell wall while Raven continued to try and ignore him. Every now and then she would sigh and he would just watch. Growing tired of the silence he decided to try and speak.

"How about a nice chat?"

He saw her flinch before snapping back, "No," crossing her arms tightly around her chest and grinding her teeth.

"Pathetic," he murmured shifting his legs uncomfortably against the wooden log they stupidly called a seat.

She clenched her jaw tightly as her eyes went hot. "I can't believe I am here with you," she seethed viciously. If she had a way to kill him right now she would. She would scream and cry and beat him to a pulp with great effort.

She was mad, she was one of those women who got so worked up that she either reacted in violence or by completely shutting down.

Right now he didn't know which was worse. He couldn't stand her flimsy and crazed ways of attacking, but he really couldn't stand a chick who brooded and pouted.

"If it helps I can hardly believe it myself," he continued to talk to her as she shifted her weight from leg to leg agitated and keeping a look out for Berkley's return. "I do believe the last time we were in a room alone together you were reminding me how insignificant I was."

This time she went still as though she too were replaying that memory in her head.

"How insignificant does it feel to play the role of probation officer and no longer the role of an actual crime stopper? How insignificant has your job become after you destroyed the world and the way superheroes use to do their job? Must weigh on your conscious very heavily."

Slade saw officer Berkley returning and glanced one last time at Raven and noticed she was shaking.


	7. Therapy Time

**Chapter 6: Therapy Time**

She didn't know how it worked, didn't care to know how it worked. Dr. Adam Greg P.H.D had been the Titans private therapist for three and a half years. Raven was surprised they had even managed to find a specialist willing to meet with superheroes when everything was supposed to be confidential. She couldn't imagine how many people berated him for any kind of secret information he might be holding, not that there was anything important to know, but the public was nosy and actually cared about their private lives as though they were celebrities.

God forbid she went to a different tea shop and there had to be some cheesy tabloid picture filled with ridiculous speculation about why she chose a different place to purchase her tea. Did the last place not sell her favorite brand, were the owners disrespectful, or was Raven a pretentious snob who didn't think the previous shop met her standards? The truth: Raven was curious about another shop and decided to go in and look around.

There were so many instances where people misread or elaborated things about them. Once a gossip sight insisted that her and Beastboy were dating because there were dozens of snapshots where he was fighting by her side or helping her up from being knocked down in a fight, never mind the fact that the rest of her teammates did the same. One particularly cruel journalist tried to convince the media that Robin was cheating on Starfire with Batgirl and Robin was nothing more than a player toying with the alien girl's heart.

Raven had been so strongly opposed to therapy because Azar only knew what misconceptions or opinions this man already had about her. She wasn't looking forward to it no matter how much Beastboy tried to convince her that he was really good at his job.

"Raven," a voice called for her.

She looked up and remembered she was still in the waiting room, Dr. Greg was standing in the doorway of his office and looking at her curiously. "Ready?"

His office was bigger than she expected, and more welcoming. She expected white walls, ugly leather chairs and degrees hung all over to show how qualified he was. Instead the walls were grass green, there was a large tan sofa and two loveseats, the walls had landscape paintings and shelves filled with books.

Overall the room was warm and non-intimidating. Raven still didn't feel any better about the situation as Dr. Greg sat down in one of the loveseats and waved his arm to the sofa inviting her to sit down. She was glad there was a coffee table separating them, the farther apart they were the better.

The one thing she was a little glad about was that the doctor was older, probably near his sixties, which meant he was at least experienced as opposed to some newbie just getting out of college.

His hair was nearly gone and white around the edges, his face had deep wrinkles and age spots, his eyes had big deep bags underneath. He was exceptionally handsome and charming with a deep baritone voice, dark brown skin, green eyes and an impeccable white smile; no wonder Beastboy and Starfire liked him, he was a nice man, which meant him and Raven weren't going to get along.

"So, we finally meet," he started the conversation with a light smile aimed at her waiting for a response. Raven didn't give him one, instead she chose to look out the window at the neighboring building which showed nothing of interest. "Beautiful day isn't it?" he asked glancing out the window as well.

She sighed and rolled her eyes. It wasn't going to help the time pass if she just sat there like a log and he talked at her. "Yeah I guess," she answered in a deadpanned tone.

His brows rose up as though he were surprised she actually answered him. "I suppose it doesn't feel good being forced here against your will," he offered sympathetically.

"Yeah you think," Raven spat sarcastically. She felt a little bad when his face fell into an expression she couldn't read, perhaps just more curiosity. "Sorry," she grumbled out tiredly. "I just don't see the point in any of this, not the evaluation, but therapy I guess."

He shrugged his shoulders in understanding and became more comfortable as though he had some assessment of her. "It could be for self discovery, it could be for venting, or it could be for the mere purpose of talking and letting someone know how you feel."

"I don't think this is necessary," she repeated flatly. "Just because I lost my cool in a fight doesn't mean I need a psychiatrist. I mean, who in their right mind would tell a complete stranger their feelings and thoughts?"

He regarded her question seriously even though she hadn't meant for him to. "Some people find it easier to tell a stranger their private thoughts and feelings, someone they know won't reveal anything, someone who doesn't know us so well and unable to properly judge us. Sometimes we don't want the people closest to us to know the truth because it might hurt them," he explained wisely. "Our main goal here is to make sure you can function at your job in a healthy and safe way, nothing more nothing less."

Raven grimaced and tucked her lips in stubbornly. This is why she didn't like therapists; they were so damn knowledgeable when they were good at their jobs.

"And what if you determine that I'm not fit to properly do my job?" she asked lowly and anxiously.

"Then perhaps we assign another one of your teammates to monitor Slade Wilson and you get put on suspension," he said it so matter-of-factly that it seemed to be no big deal to him, but to her it was a very big deal.

It was a double-edged sword, on the one hand she liked the idea of having an excuse for not being the one to monitor Slade, and on the other hand she wouldn't be able to assist her friends in battle. She didn't like the idea of being termed "unfit" for any kind of job assigned to her.

But mostly she didn't want anyone thinking she couldn't handle Slade, least of all herself.

She supposed the best thing to do was to be honest with Dr. Greg, lord knows there had been times she wished she had been more honest with people about certain things. Her being honest about her father and birthright probably would've been a prime example.

Anything he asked she would answer, anything he didn't ask didn't need to be brought up as far as she was concerned.

He gave her a tight smile and let her process her feelings before speaking again. "So I take it you're not going to return once this mandatory regulation is over?"

She shrugged her shoulder uncommitted. "Do my teammates find this helpful at all?" she asked curiously. It seemed to put Beastboy more at ease, but how helpful could that source be?

He gave her a similar non-committed shrug. "For some it's helpful, for others it's just another thing to do, another chore. Not like it does any harm in talking to someone about things" he said vaguely.

"I find it pointless to talk about anything that's not important or necessary," she replied trying to kill the time as quickly as possible. She still had forty minutes left of this nonsense.

"You think your feelings aren't important?" he asked inquiring.

"My feelings and my emotions are dangerous if not controlled," she said gravely. "I only use them for my powers, to protect my friends."

"Well that's important then isn't it?" he watched her pause thoughtfully and continued. "You talk as though your emotions, if not contained, are going to hurt those around you. Yet it seems to me that your friends allow you to feel more than you realize, and your friends put a great deal of trust in you."

She furrowed her brows at him, "Based off what exactly?"

"Based off of what your friends, Starfire and Beastboy tell me and based off how many times you've gone into battle and saved dozens of people. You can't discount your feelings when it's the core reason for why you choose to use your powers in the first place."

Raven continued to sit there silently as the man continued to summarize her and her reasoning.

"You care about people, like any decent person you worry that you might hurt the ones you love, but you fail to credit yourself with all the good you've done," he exclaimed calmly, pausing to let her react.

"I haven't always done good things," she stated seriously. "I've done a lot of terrible things too, a lot of really horrible things." She didn't go into detail, he knew as well as anyone else her history.

He only stretched out his hands as though it didn't matter. "And yet you have friends who love you, you still have a city that looks to you for saving. You're not perfect Raven, all good men and women make mistakes; the worst of mistakes, but what matters is how you make up for those mistakes." He stopped, waiting for her to respond but she didn't, instead she sighed already worn out from the session, thirty-five minutes left to go.

"Is this suppose to make me feel better…or enlightened? Spouting inspirational quotes of romantic optimism?"

Her dryness and sarcasm didn't put him off like most people. She couldn't decide if she liked it or loathed it.

"I don't want you to feel as though I'm trying to force anything out of you," he said leaning forward and looking her in the eye. "I want you to feel free to talk about anything without reprimand or judgment, and ultimately I want you to feel better about your situation, because even though it seems like torture now…doesn't mean you can't get something beneficial out of this."

Wow… this guy was actually trying to be helpful to her, he was actually trying to reach out to her; the fact that it was part of his job kind of put a damper of his sincerity, yet he was taking his job seriously. Beastboy was right, the doctor was good.

Noticing that he now had her full cooperation he sat all the way back in his chair getting comfortable, Raven couldn't help but feel as though he had trapped her in a way. The beautiful entrapments of reverse psychology.

He smiled at her and started, "So…what would you like to talk about?"

* * *

"Anger."

Raven blinked and saw a vision of herself in a red hood and cloak.

"What drives you to anger?"

"My father," she answered bluntly. "Even in death I hate the fact that he's a part of who I am."

He nodded at her and leaned so that his elbows rested on his knees. "So what about your enemies? Do you usually go at them with the same amount of force that you did with Slade?"

_No _thought Raven but answered differently. "It's different."

"Explain that," he urged.

She lifted a shoulder and shook her head as though there was no proper way to explain it. "He has put me and my friends through more pain than any other villain, other than my father, and even then he was my father's accomplice."

"You stated earlier that you have the ability of empathy." Had she? It felt like the time was suddenly flying by, she realized they now only had ten minutes left. What else could they cover in that time? She had explained her powers to him a little further and just now they were barely getting to Slade which she expected the bulk of this meeting to be about.

"Yes, I can sense exactly what people are feeling, sometimes it helps...other times it's a hindrance," she explained rapidly wanting to get to the point.

"Does it give you a good idea of what people are like, does it give you a good understanding of their overall character?"

"Where are you going with this?" she finally asked knowing that the subject of Slade and her anger hadn't been taken off the table.

"What does your empathy tell you about this particular man, had it clouded your better judgment in some way? You've made it very clear how it is you feel about him, what emotions does he project to you, or rather at you? 'Cause it seems to me that he put a great amount of personal energy into targeting you these past few days."

He was right about that, the amount of anger Slade aimed towards her was unlike any other, but his reasons behind it she couldn't dissect. She wasn't a mind reader and she didn't have enough of a psychological background to summarize or explain where the feeling rooted from.

"It's a very strong kind of hatred followed by…some strange curiosity."

"Curiosity?" Dr. Greg piqued interested. "He knows a great deal about you already, probably more than you'd like, what is it about you that he's so curious about?"

Raven looked to the ground thinking of the fight for the millionth time today: The way he had studied her, the tilt in his head, the amusement in her reactions to him.

"_Well if it isn't my favorite Titan." _

Raven shook her head and muttered, "I don't know."

She glanced at the clock and realized their time for the day had finally ended.

* * *

A/N: When I write Dr. Greg I always reference him to , the psychiatrist from House MD, someone who I think would be perfectly equipped to deal with someone like Raven.


	8. How It Feels

A/N: A meeting with Terra before her return and a meeting with Dr. Adam Greg, before being thrown into the home of Slade Wilson. Enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter 7: How It Feels**

Tomorrow would be the day, she was dreading each passing second as though the time were mocking her with how unbearably fast it was going by. Each time she dared look at the clock it seemed to have moved another 30 minutes, to another hour, now the sun had reached its peak and was preparing to set in what Raven felt was an unreasonable time.

She was about to head out of the tower to meet with Dr. Adam Greg for another day of talking and sharing. She felt as though her flying abilities were rusted with sand and mud, she was tired, grumpy, and irritable. Not a good day to say the least.

**-2 Hours Ago-**

They had discussed it at length, more than Raven would've preferred. She didn't trust her any more than Robin, but even if she had spoken up at any point during the debating, it would've been outnumbered 3 to 2.

Terra was willing to return to the Titans, and Starfire, Cyborg, and especially Beastboy were willing to take her back.

Robin didn't like the secrecy Terra still seemed to harbor, and year's worth of "amnesia" claiming made her honesty flimsy at best.

It was a risk either way you looked at it. Yes she was powerful and a useful asset to the team, yes she was a missed friend, yes she had saved their lives (Raven's twice) but she had a bad track record of commitment, trustworthiness, stability, and predictability.

Raven didn't have words for any of her teammates concerning Terra. She already knew the inevitability of second chances, everyone was entitled to one, but that didn't necessarily mean they deserved it.

Robin had approached her more than once on her muteness on the matter, and her response was always the same. "It doesn't matter Robin."

Their lives had changed all over again with the reappearance of Slade and Terra and there was little they could do to control it, they just had to roll with the punches as they came. The less they tried to fight it the easier it would be to deal with, whatever happened they would have to handle when it occurred.

There was no certainty of the future other than Terra's return and Raven's punishment in being stuck to Slade for a whole year.

As these thoughts crossed her mind over and over as Raven finally arrived to the safe house where Terra was staying, she teleported herself into the house without permission, which quickly upset the police agent with her.

"Excuse me, this is a private meeting!" the butch woman practically screeched at Raven.

She regarded her coldly. "Well now there's about to be a Titans meeting… so leave."

The woman was about to holler at her again before Terra walked towards a separate room excusing herself, Raven followed and slammed the door behind her which got an exasperated sound out of the officer who stomped around the living room shouting into her phone to her superior.

"Thank god, I needed a break from all the rules and regulations of my reinstatement," said Terra rolling her eyes. "If I had known it was going to be this much of a hassle I would've just let Slade kill you the first time."

She said it in a joking way that wasn't so convincing to Raven's ears. It was hard to detect exactly what Terra's true feelings were, the problem with people who constantly lie is that on some level they need to believe what they're saying is true in order to be convincing. There's a level of reasoning they do to convince themselves that the lies are justified and overall better, makes them feel less guilty and less prone to giving anything away.

Terra was like that. She didn't possess regret for her actions until they failed her in the worst ways. It didn't necessarily make her evil, but it did make her dangerous.

"Well there are special requirements and expectations of those who have been known to run off once or twice on their friends and allies," Raven said deadpanned as she looked Terra in the eyes.

Terra's smile immediately fell to a frown as she crossed her arms and straightened her back. "Ok Raven, what are you doing here? Are you going to lecture me on how I don't deserve to be a Titan or that I'm not worthy of your trust and approval."

"My approval hardly matters since you're coming back anyway," Raven said with a hard edge in her voice. "My only reservation is the whole incident in which I can't remember anything."

Terra only stared back at her like stone. "I saved your life again and captured Slade for you, for everyone, and yet you still think I have something to hide?"

"You always have something to hide," snapped Raven glaring at her. "Excuse me if I don't believe that you could capture him single handedly, you were never that good at controlling your powers and Slade has never been that easy to take down."

Terra rolled her eyes. "Well it was more than easy when he was so distracted with killing you," sniped Terra as she turned her back to Raven and walked over to the only window in the empty room. The view over looked the ocean and off in the distance you could see Titans Tower sitting out on its little island like a marker.

"Slade isn't that stupid, he's organized and tactful. He wouldn't be so distracted as to let the likes of you defeat him," Raven accused harshly.

Terra let out a breath of a laugh as she turned around to Raven with a condescending smile on her face. "And this is why you've always been such a bitch," she said bluntly and truthfully. "The likes of me?" she waited for Raven to say something but Raven kept her jaw clenched shut.

"First of all, don't assume to know anything about Slade, because trust me…as someone he manipulated and used, he's beyond more fucked up than you can ever imagine. Don't build him up to be someone undefeatable, he did technically die, it was **your father** who brought him back."

Raven looked at the floor angrily. Terra was taking the conversation in a direction she didn't want to hear.

"You're not one to talk down to anyone Raven, if anything you're just as bad as me in keeping things secret and letting it get out of control; and don't think that the _likes of a demon_ can't be as easily fooled by Slade."

The words stung. Stung so hard Raven had to take a step back, there was an amount of truth in Terra's words that resonated deeply within her. Yes she didn't trust Terra, and yes she didn't believe her story, but then who was Raven to be trusted or believed? But most of all Terra was sending Raven a warning, just because he was technically captured didn't mean he was powerless.

Terra sighed loudly and looked out to the tower again with some pain setting in her eyes. "Look… you can believe me or you can think I'm lying. Either way I did save your life, and I'm trying to do what's best for myself… what's more beneficial at this point. Yeah I'm a little bit selfish and a bit of an opportunist, but I know how to survive Raven and like it or not I am on your side."

_For now, _Raven thought. She knew as well as Terra that so long as it benefitted her and her longevity that Terra was going to do whatever she had to do in order to keep forging ahead in this world.

It didn't make Raven like her any more or less, but it did make Raven respect her.

Some heroes could be so blinded by their loyalty to their teammates that even if it corrupted them they would stay by their side, how loyal would members of the Justice League be if Superman did turn to more extremist ways?

It scared her to think about, just as much as any other everyday citizen.

The problem now was not knowing, there was never any true knowing, at least with Terra the only thing known without a doubt was that she could come and go at any time…kind of like Slade.

She turned to leave, she could still hear the officer in the other room blaring into her phone, as Raven put her hand on the door knob she said one last thing to Terra, "Just don't hurt Beastboy, if you care about him great… if not, **do not** lead him on."

Terra just gave her a blank look with deep feeling in her eyes. "Never again, unlike you I actually do like him and consider him my best friend, if anyone I refuse to ever hurt him again."

"Right," Raven whispered as she left.

* * *

"What would you like to talk about today?"

Same question, she assumed that would be his go-to question each time she sat down with mute disinterest.

She chewed the bottom of her lip contemplating. She decided she liked Dr. Greg a little better, although she still hardly wanted to be here. It was tense trying to decide on a topic, he said she could talk about whatever she wanted, but she didn't really want to talk about anything.

There was plenty on her mind she could express, but Raven's style was to suppress. This new task at talking was barely practiced by her, so little in fact that her last session with Dr. Greg had left her voice sore. Robin had told her to treat it like a training exercise, the more she did it the less it would hurt.

"I don't know… I guess…" the only things that plagued her these days were Slade and Terra and she was not in the mood to talk about either.

Dr. Greg helped her out before she fell into crippling silence. "Perhaps we can talk about school, I know last time you expressed some excitement about returning."

Had she? God how much had she shared with him? Maybe it would have been easier dealing with a younger more inexperienced therapist.

"I am looking forward to that actually; it would be nice to get back a little normalcy in my life." She quickly regretted saying that when a look of surprise came across his face.

"Are you saying that the everyday struggle of being a hero isn't normal to you? You don't strike me as the type who tries to fit in, especially socially."

He had a profound way of stumping her. She searched her vocabulary to best explain her feelings. This session didn't feel any different from the first. "I'm **not** the type who tries to fit in and I don't consider myself social," she defended. "But I do like learning, I love reading and I like…I don't know…I like the routine of it all. I like going to a place where I know what to expect, and I know the kind of people I'm going to be around have similar interests as me."

He wrote something down on his pad and urged her on. "Does it feel more normal to you being involved in something more predictable and interactive with others?"

"I suppose by human standards yes…" she felt weird saying that. "I mean… Physically I'm human… but emotionally I'm stunted and socially it's all still very foreign to me. I'm from another dimension, a different culture, and being here makes me feel like an outsider."

"What about with the Titans?" Dr. Greg asked keeping his pencil still.

"The Titans welcomed me with open arms, I never felt more accepted by anyone more than them," she explained hurriedly.

He regarded her carefully. "However you're all united by your differences. It's not like they fully understand you even if they do accept you, and I'm sure even you still have a hard time understanding them fully."

Raven pursed her lips together and suddenly felt protective of her friends, "We try as much as we can… I guess that's why I pursued college in the first place. It is nice to be accepted by my friends, but I do need other people to talk to who understand me a little better. Sometimes I want to be part of society in a… different way."

"One where you're not scrutinized and judged, and constantly depended on." She couldn't tell if that was a statement or a question. She nodded anyway.

He nodded to her tentatively. "Do you have trouble relating to your teammates?"

Her answer to this question was quick. "Some days I don't understand the ridiculous things they do or the silly antics they involve themselves in just to forget about their problems. But then I realize that I'm not that different. I shut myself off a lot and yet I want to belong somewhere just as much as they do. Fundamentally we all want the same things: love, respect, a sense of purpose." A small smile graced her face in the pride she felt for the Titans. "I know they care about me and that their differences help me though some of my own problems."

He grasped his pen a little tighter. "Explain that more, what is it about each of you being so different that has helped you through some of the toughest times as a Titan?"

The words stuck in her throat as though there was no real way of explain, really there wasn't. Being a Titan, being a person that possessed great and dangerous power and being supported by fellow comrades with equal or greater abilities; it's amazing that the world puts any trust in you at all, it's amazing that they haven't accidently blown up the world by now and sent it all straight to hell.

Oh wait! Except for the fact that you do screw it up and you do destroy the world and they don't fully trust you and never will, but the world still needs **someone **to protect it. You can fly, control things with your mind, and teleport, might as well be you.

All these thoughts raced through Raven's head all at once as the good doctor waited patiently for her answer. Finally she simply answered. "They're my humanity…they're the one thing that hasn't made me quit from being a Titan."

He wrote something down before asking her another repeated question. "And how does that make you feel?"

She looked out the window as the word and emotion came easily to her mouth. "Safe."


	9. The First Night

**Chapter 8: The First Night**

She technically had three more sessions left with Dr. Greg, but he had been quick to deem her more than capable of monitoring Slade, despite the fact that she had yet to actually do that. He had told her in their last meeting that she never had to worry about falling apart because as long as she was with the Titans there was always a foundation for her to fall back on, people to pick her back up, and a stable core in her life that gave her strength and purpose she was lucky to have.

He sent a letter to the city council and they decided that she was no longer mandated to return to Dr. Greg's office for psychiatric help.

Somehow it made Raven feel very alone and abandoned. Did Dr. Greg not like her or think her worthy of his time, had her sharing with him bored him?

He had insisted that she could always return anytime she felt like it, but somehow having the option of going to see him didn't feel great. It was harder when you had to go to someone of your own free will, it made you feel weak, it made you feel vulnerable.

Yet if she was going to go to someone in need of talking to, who better than a licensed professional?

"Are you sure you'll be alright?"

Out of everyone asking that question she was glad it was Cyborg. Anytime he asked a question it was with reserved calmness that never made her feel defensive. Unlike other people, when Cyborg asked a question it was out of pure selflessness to check in on those he cared about, there was nothing underneath or underhanded about it, and she knew whatever answer she gave him would be good enough for him.

"I will be," she answered securing her cloak firmly around her shoulders. "How about you?" she quickly deflected. "Excited to have Terra back in the tower?" she tried to keep the displeasure out of her voice and failed.

Cyborg only raised his hands cool and unflappable as usual. "Hey don't get me wrong, I had some reservations about the whole situation but you were near death when we found you down in the tunnels and Terra helped revive and bring you back to us, for that alone I will always be thankful to her."

Raven looked at him seeing true compassion within his eyes. She always felt bad when she scared her friends into believing she was dead or near death. She really had to cut that habit out of her daily routine.

"Why do you always have to be so damn nice," she asked with annoyance even though a smile crept on her face.

"Well _someone _has to be nice around here, especially when you're such a bag of sunshine yourself," he said ruffling her hair in a teasing way.

She swatted him away, glad to have someone to spar with in witty sarcasm.

She looked out the window and sighed, she had to leave, she was already running late, yet she didn't move. It was like everything in her body prevented her from taking that first step, they always say the first step was the hardest, what about the second, third and fourth step? How was she supposed to bring herself to do this every day?

The anxiety and resistance must've been on her face all too clearly as Cyborg arched an eyebrow and offered to drive her to her destination.

Normally she would've said no, normally she would've just left hurriedly in a defiant stance to prove she didn't need anyone; but after her few sessions with Adam Greg and the ease she had accomplished within herself in knowing how much she did rely on her friends, Raven took Cyborg up on his offer and buckled herself in, settled in the seat, and tried to soak up the few last minutes of freedom she had left.

She wondered what Slade's giant mansion was going to look like.

* * *

A penthouse, a freaking penthouse!

She didn't know what she was expecting, but it wasn't a cozy little penthouse.

With Slade she had envisioned a luxurious mansion with a dozen empty and impersonal rooms. She expected tall vaulted ceilings, heavy mahogany wood furniture, crystal chandeliers, old texts, marble floors and old gothic Victorian fixtures.

Instead it was modern, _very _modern.

The dining room to her right, the kitchen to her left, the living room straight ahead; all open and within view. She was guessing the bedroom was down the hallway behind the wall to which she didn't try to approach. She didn't want to see where Slade slept.

There was a huge balcony that overlooked the entire city, naturally Slade owned the entire upper floor of the building, and she could see Titans Tower in the distance.

_How fitting._

She continued to take everything in silently.

The furniture was big and comfy, the kitchen was stainless steel, the floors were wood, the walls were dark blue, the lamps square, there were shelves on every wall thick and filled with books of every kind. It was an everyday bachelor pad for an everyday man.

It wasn't half as pretentious as she expected; Expensive yes, but not overly grand.

She had been escorted by an officer parked outside of the building (his partner already asleep in the squad car) he didn't say one word to her as they approached his door and knocked. As soon as Slade answered the officer left.

Slade didn't say a word to her either; he looked her up and down once and turned his back leaving the door ajar.

The few seconds she had to look at him were the first she decided to actually look at his face.

**Hard** was the first word to come to mind. His face and eyes were made up of sharp corners and lines, his body was just as rigid and intimidating, all muscle and brawn. He was older, maybe in his late fifties, his hair white and thick around his head and in the fullness of his goatee. His one good eye was deep and dark blue, the eye patch over his other eye completely covered any traces of scarring or damage.

She suddenly had an urge to take off the eye patch and see underneath it. Why was she so obsessed with seeing more of his face?

As she took in his features and the interior of his home, Slade snapped her out of her trance by slamming the refrigerator door closed.

"Are you going to stand there all night or would you like to sit down?" he asked from the kitchen pouring a glass of water.

In truth she did just want to stand there all night, as warm and inviting as the place looked, she did not feel comfortable here.

Slade eyed her impatiently before giving up and leaving her alone, retreating into the unseen rooms down the hall.

Her stomach felt tight and queasy as she continued to linger in the entrance way. She finally took a step forward, surprised that it all didn't fade away like an illusion.

She walked over to the kitchen island and let her palms connect with the cold surface. _Well, at least there's something coated in marble._

She kept her hands flat and still on the counter trying to accept the reality of the situation, what other choice did she have? Might as well get use to it, might as well get some-what comfortable. Still she couldn't bring herself to sit on one of the wooden stools around the island. Sitting would only make her feel smaller if he chose to return.

She should be inspecting his home for anything suspicious, but that would mean looking through everything, going into the bedroom…maybe she would wait till later to do all the technical stuff.

She heard a shuffle, she glanced toward the hallway for the first time, now having a better view. She saw two doors, one for a bathroom, one for a closet, and a light coming from the left at the end of the hallway, and open doorway to a room she could not see behind another wall. Again she was glad she had no glimpse of the bedroom. The space was too personal, too close.

Raven had never felt more closed-in and more claustrophobic in her life.

She saw a shadow pass through the light.

She quickly adverted her eyes and waited in high anticipation for him to return. Instead she heard a soft click and realized the hallway had gone dark.

He had closed himself in his bedroom. Her stomach went lax and she eyed the hallway suspiciously as though he could be hiding in the shadows. Nope, he was defiantly in his room and had no intentions of leaving.

Now Raven felt even stranger, left alone in another room with his things and him in the next room, unable to see or interact with each other. She didn't know what to do.

"Feel free to read any book you'd like," he called from the bedroom as the rest of the night descended into awkward silence.

* * *

When she returned home the tower was full of a euphoria that danced in the air delicately. They hardly realized she had returned, all circling Terra in high excitement and reminiscent exuberance.

Raven tried not to blanch, she tried to ignore the twisting in her stomach and slight drop in her heart and yet she couldn't help it. Her friends all pointing their energy and attention towards Terra, and her resenting and dreading her return and live-in situation; she didn't know who she hated more right now, Terra or Slade, it was hard to decide on a definitive answer.

"Raven!" Starfire had turned around and as soon as she saw her friend a feeling of relief and joy flooded her. As usual Starfire embraced Raven uninvited and squeezed as though at any moment she could disappear.

Raven wished she could return the physical affections Starfire so freely and openly expressed to her loved ones, but it still made her uncomfortable even after years of expecting the never ending hugs Starfire pushed on her.

Still she never felt right in telling her to stop, affection was a part of who Starfire was, just because Raven wasn't fully comfortable with her alien practices Raven wasn't going to make it a point of shutting her down and making her feel bad for loving her unconditionally.

As strong and as powerful of a warrior Starfire was, she was always forgiving, even to those who didn't deserve it.

"Come join us in celebrating the return of our friend!" Starfire said in delight jumping up and down, she began to tug Raven towards the rest of the party as Terra and Raven locked eyes.

Things seemed to slow down as Terra's eyes looked straight to hers and Terra didn't seem to know how to respond to her any more than Raven knew how to respond in return. As Starfire pulled at her, Raven quickly pulled back, Starfire looked at Raven confused and a little hurt.

"I'm sorry Starfire, I'm actually really tired," she continued to look at Terra who finally broke eye contact and laughed at something Beastboy said.

"Are you alright?" asked Starfire carefully. "Was there anything that had gone badly tonight?" If Slade ever tried to hurt Raven, Starfire would tear him to pieces easily; Raven was half tempted to lie and say that he had tried to hurt her, but there was no need in getting another Titan into trouble.

In fact out of all the Titans Starfire was actually the one who had to practice restraint more than anyone else. Her strength was phenomenal, and although she was very merciful, she also didn't know her own strength or how to repress it.

Like Raven, Starfire came from a different world and different culture, it was hard for her to attune herself to earth customs, but unlike Raven, Starfire was more willing and more flexible; although she still had a tendency to get nearly suspended from time to time.

"I'm fine Starfire, I'm just tired and need some rest." She walked away from Starfire before she could smother her with anymore questions, and to prove she wasn't trying to avoid Terra or shut her out, she went up to her and quickly replied, "Welcome back," before retiring to the solitude of her room.

Terra watched as Raven left the room in a hurry. Knowing she had been alone with Slade and knowing she still hated her, Terra wanted to call Raven back, wanted to tell her stay with everyone…but she didn't.

* * *

"So how was the first night?" Greg asked almost too cheerfully for Raven's taste.

She looked around the room bored. _Why did I come here? _

She was no longer mandated, and yet she returned when she had promised herself she wouldn't.

Perhaps she had no other options, perhaps she didn't want to freak her teammates out and have them thinking she couldn't handle this. In truth she could, she just didn't want to.

"With Terra or with Slade?" she asked begrudgingly.

Her irritation piqued his attention and he calmly regarded her with sympathetic eyes. "Let's start with Terra. How does it feel to have an old teammate return?"

Raven resisted the urge to roll her eyes at the word teammate. Out of everything she considered Terra _teammate_ was not one of them.

As she scrunched her lips together in extreme aggravation she couldn't bring herself to say anything, her leg started twitching and Raven could feel some of her power spill out as two of Dr. Greg's degrees bounced off the wall and onto the floor.

He merely glanced at the fallen degrees with a slight arch of the brow. She finally let out an exasperated sigh and said, "I'd rather not talk about Terra right now," she admitted gravely.

There was shift suddenly in their dynamic, one she recognized all too well. She was starting to shut down on him, starting to shut him out. Old habits die hard.

He seemed to sense it, but decided not to indulge her. "Ok then," he said passively. "What about Slade? How was your first night _alone_ with him?"

"It was uneventful," she answered simply. "We didn't talk, or fight, or even see each other the whole night

He eyed her curiously. "You sound disappointed by that."

Did she? What would make him believe that?

"No, it's just… it's unusual that Slade wouldn't want to create some kind of conflict, some kind of distraction. He's a man who enjoys mind-games…it amuses him when he can cause people distress."

Dr. Greg wrote some notes on the pad in his lap. "But he had no interest in interacting with you? Even though you have stated that he does have a curiosity in you."

She shrugged her shoulders and looked solemnly at the floor. "Maybe he doesn't care, maybe he's just dealing with the fact that I'm in his house against his wishes and he's choosing to ignore me because I'm an inconvenience to him."

He paused and asked, "How does that make you feel?"

Why did therapists always ask that? Did they not know any other question; did they not know any other line?

Again Raven just shrugged. "It doesn't make me feel anything."


	10. How To Love

A/N: Ah! Sorry, like I said I tend to go off the radar sometimes, but my birthday was happening along with my dad's so I've been a bit preoccupied with partying, drinking and acting like the spoiled brat I am ha ha! So here are two chapters to make up for it, enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter 9: How to Love**

She had been given an assignment by Dr. Greg, whether it was to get a better understanding of her or whether it was to get her to open back up to him she couldn't be sure of.

It was obvious that she had put up a wall during their last session, she didn't know how much it would help, but as she had already learned…Dr. Greg was good at his job.

What he wanted from her was her true and honest feelings on each of her teammates, including Terra. He wanted details, reasons, it was going to be a weird task for her to explore. It was easy to know what you felt for people, the actual reasons behind it were more complex than what regular people experienced.

In her case it had been forbidden for her to experience such things, in many ways it was still new. Because much of her childhood had been all about repression, it made her very inadaptable at handling strong emotions, which was why she kept them so controlled. It wasn't that she was scared of feeling, she was scared of her anger and demonic side taking over and destroying everything she loved.

She lay in her bed pondering each Titan and what it was she truly thought of them.

Love…

Love was a very complex word and even more complex emotion. From what Raven had learned from her time on earth was how the word applied to her and how she applied it to the people around her.

As an empath discouraged from feeling emotion, love had been the most dizzying of emotions to be projected from people. She knew what love was, but didn't have a full understanding of it until she started to experience those feelings herself towards her adoptive family.

Robin was the first person she came to love, simply because he was the first to let her in. He brought together a bunch of misfits and gave them direction, discipline and structure. Having lost his own family he made them into his own; in fact everyone on the team had come to love and respect Robin first and foremost.

Raven loved Robin in a needy way, he was her leader, the center, the support beam, it was his faith in the good of his teammates and the good of people that propelled her to being a Titan, and for that she owed him everything.

There was no way to ever repay him. He didn't act heroic for reward, he acted on principle and belief, it was his job to act in a selfless role.

Robin's love in return was pure friendship, uncompromising and unconditional, except for Starfire… Starfire didn't receive that same kind of love from him, she received all that and more. The intensity of their love was so hot and burning it sometimes gave her a headache.

Starfire was the little sister Raven never deserved. Raven often looked at her with a twinge of jealousy as did many other females. Her beauty, charm, and freedom of expression was a gift you could only be born with. Raven loved Starfire for all her purity and innocence and was incessantly annoyed by it too. Starfire's courage and willingness to go into battle could only be matched by that of amazons, the team was beyond lucky to have someone so strong and resilient with them.

For all of the horrible things that happened to Starfire and for as much as she wore her heart on her sleeve, the one thing Raven admired her for was her ability to still be so kind and forgiving towards the world. Most people let the ugliness of this planet infect them and lower them, but Starfire could see past all the terrors and nightmares to beauty and hope.

Cyborg was someone who embodied each of them. He was intelligent like her, was a leader like Robin, kind like Starfire, and goofy like Beastboy. There was never a moment that anyone felt anything less than comfortable within his presence, he was the easiest to talk to and easiest to be around without any judgment or misunderstanding. Cyborg had an empathy that surpassed even hers, he had an observation and calmness to dealing with people that made him the dependable one of the group in all aspects.

He was realistic but wasn't put off from the possibility of working towards something better. He knew what he was capable of which is why the only time he felt vulnerable was when it came to his appearance. When people feared you because of looking like a machine it was hard for them to see you as a brilliant and capable person. With the Titans he was able to feel normal and they were able to remind him that he had no limits.

Beastboy was the hardest to love. He inflicted himself on people with his jokes and cheesy humor, which more often than not, people just didn't get. Beastboy was probably the most self-conscious and insecure of the group. He happened to be the youngest and was nearly the smallest until he finally grew just one inch taller than Raven. His high energy and optimism was forced in a way where Starfire's was natural, in a sense Beastboy tried too hard. He wanted to be noticed and taken seriously even though he didn't act that way.

But beneath his exuberant personality was a natural animal instinct instilled in him due to his changeling abilities. It made his anger, his prowess, reflexes, and senses heightened in a way that surpassed Robin's abilities. Beastboy trained his talents to a point of mastering them, but never fully embracing them.

Raven knew that Beatboy held back his abilities just as much as she held back hers. Had he ever wanted, he could be just as dangerous and unstoppable as any wild animal he embodied, it was keeping his human side present at all times that held him back from reaching his true potential, for that Raven respected him. To love him was to love his constant attempt to be accepted and to be part of something, something bigger than himself.

And then there was Terra and Slade…two people who she didn't love like she loved as a Titan or human; they were the few and rare who she loved as a demon.

She hated Terra and Slade, pure unbridled hate that fed and nurtured her demonic side. It wasn't the humane side of her that loved them… it was the demon side of her that benefitted and grew stronger from that hatred, and for that her rage and anger loved Terra and Slade.

With them her demonic side could breathe and be free given the right amount of force.

Terra and Slade were the best at bringing out the worst in her.

For Raven to finally trust someone who she instinctively knew to be dishonest had been hard. She had wanted to prove to herself that she was capable of giving people like Terra a chance, give them the benefit of the doubt, and at first she had been pleasantly surprised.

Then Terra had betrayed her and all of Raven's doubts and fears had come back to slap her in the face. It was them letting her in that had nearly killed them and doomed the whole city. It had been embarrassing, shameful and painful to know that someone could do that to you. That even the best of them could be fooled all because you wanted to be a good person and give a homeless runaway a home and give her a team and family that would do anything for her.

Terra had spit in their face and even for all her guilt and sacrificing her life to save theirs, Raven still couldn't forget how her demonic side had come out so violently, loving the thrill of a life and death fight with the earth controlling girl. Her demonic side had found someone to thrill and entice her, someone close to an equal in ways of cold pure hatred…that is until Slade came back for her.

By the time Slade had come back from the dead, Ravens ability of dealing with strong emotions had been getting more refined. She wasn't so nervous to smile, laugh or even cry. She was slowly learning how to push her emotional abilities to a point of safety, this included her anger.

One of the benefits of living with four other people was that they constantly pushed your limits. It was also the benefit of being on a team who could hold you back from really hurting a villain- who's main objective is to break and demoralize you. Raven had slipped a few times with the villains she came across such as Doctor Light and had always been grateful that Slade never tried to single her out.

Even in her demonic state she doubted her ability to defend herself against Slade without killing him. He was a psychopath who could manipulate, control and break you as if it were one of the easiest things in the world. They had nearly lost Robin that way, had lost Terra that way, and when he came for Raven it was lucky that he was already dead because Raven was another victim to his mind games.

Slade had met within her such a strong connection only because he had discovered all of her history and fate of her destiny and prophecy. He knew her in such a way that no one ever did, he knew her in the very ways she had never wanted anyone to know-especially her friends- and it had ruined her.

She had been broken to the point of going with him to her death. She had let Slade kill her and kill the world and had it not been for her magic keeping her friends safe they also would've died. Robin had reminded her more than once that if she had truly been hopeless she wouldn't have instilled some of her magic in them to help them survive the arrival of Trigon.

Raven never admitted out loud to him that she really only did that because she hoped they would survive a few more days and be together to accept their deaths in peace, she never actually expected them to succeed in destroying her father.

Either way her Rage persona had never had a more thrilling and exciting time than it had had with Slade. Oh yes her Rage had loved having Slade around to break Raven and let her free, and her Rage had especially loved letting Slade know how insignificant he really was in the grand scheme of things… a servant boy.

She expected she would meet her final death in her weak child form, maybe Slade would find her and finish the job himself for not receiving his end of the bargain. She would've let Slade do it too, she would've gladly let him kill her over and over, it only seemed fair. It seemed to be the only benefit the two of them had left, the only thing they had left for each other. Submission and dominance… that had been their game.

So now what was the game?

What was he to her now? What role did they take on in this new setting? Terra had already reclaimed her position, what kind of circumstances would they be in now both being prisoners to a very screwed up system.

* * *

She sighed tapping her fingers impatiently on the counter top. Night two and no different from the first, Slade locked himself in his room, she stayed sitting at the kitchen island barely moving or doing her job. Five minutes left to go.

The hour spent here had felt like five, she decided to make the last five minutes pass by as quickly as possible by doing a once around the living room.

There was a new text about Roman history on one of the bookshelves, an indent on the plush sofa, and his windows needed to be cleaned. She passed by the hallway without looking down its dark corridors and opened the front door loudly to let him know she was leaving.

No hidden wires, no suspicious objects, nothing new from yesterday besides some gathered dust, no reason for her to stay any longer.

As she started to walk out the door she heard Slade open the door from his bedroom and call out to her. "See you tomorrow," in that mocking menacing voice she remembered all too well on her birthday.

She slammed the door so hard it echoed off the walls.

* * *

A/N: A bit shorter than my other chapters, but this is mostly just filler for some better nights to come. I figure the first couple of nights would be met with very little to nothing going on between these two so I want to make sure everything is done in a believable and organized way. Next chapter will be well worth it!


	11. The Engaging Night

**Chapter 10: The Engaging Night**

It was the same as the first and second. No talking, no interaction, not even seeing each other except for when he came to the kitchen for something to eat and she sat their rigid as ever.

Raven heard noise every now and then. A cough, a step, then for a few minutes or more the sound of loud grunting and punching against something. At first she had been confused until she remembered where she had heard the sound before. Robin in the gym going at the punching bag, Slade must have his own equipment in his room, she was willing to bet his room was more of a gym than an actual bedroom, probably made the time go by faster by working out while she was here.

At least he was doing something productive, she sighed already bored, she should have brought a book to help her pass the time. She didn't dare touch one of his books or anything else for that matter, mostly out of spite since he had given her permission to make herself at home, had he forbid her from touching anything she very well might be grabbing at everything. She wished she could bring herself to do a proper inspection of the house, instead she merely looked with her eyes and no further.

She wouldn't mind if he made escape and disappeared for another few years. If that was what he was planning in the near future, she was hardly in a mood to stop him.

At least then she would be able to freely hunt him down, being his babysitter was demeaning, she would rather him punch and hit her than do this.

The silence in the kitchen was interrupted by a loud rumbling sound. She was hungry.

_Eat all his food!_

Mischievous Rage bubbled inside her. Days and days of uncomfortable tension was beginning to wane from her core, you could only be so angry and so on edge for so long before your mind and body had to go to a different place.

Annoying Slade and disrupting his home gave her a childish sense of joy in the ideas she could easily act on. She could ruin his things, she could throw trash around, she could spill some red wine on his expensive white carpet.

Raven sighed and shook her head. Though the thought was nice she wasn't about to stoop to the level that Beastboy certainly would, she valued her self-restraint more than angering Slade Wilson.

She stomach rumbled again, she ignored it, a few hours without food wasn't going to kill her.

Her hunger seemed to be in tune with Slade's as he suddenly appeared in the kitchen without a sound. Raven nearly gasped at the sight of him. _Like a damn cat,_ she thought turning her gaze away from him.

He didn't even glance at her as he went straight to the refrigerator pulling out different kinds of foods and turning on the stove.

She arched a brow as he continued to prepare a meal for himself while she sat there like a piece of furniture. This was what didn't make sense to her, he wanted her there, he was the one who felt curiosity and intrigue towards her and yet…he ignored her.

Why was he waiting for her to make the first move? It wasn't like Slade.

While she continued to sit there, Slade started to cook himself a melody of stir-fried vegetables mixed with spices and herbs. The pan he was using was large, she realized the amount of food he made was enough for four people, she didn't know why that surprised her, Slade was a large man by design, she was willing to bet his food bill was expensive and vast.

She started watching him more intently since he was so set on treating her as though she were invisible. He was patient and at ease with himself, he mixed and tossed the food with an experienced hand. It wasn't aggressive or rushed, it was precise and delicate.

They both knew she was studying him and yet neither of them said or did anything about it, it almost seemed expected of her and for once Raven didn't fight the unusual calmness that seemed to fall over the atmosphere of the kitchen.

The aroma from the food gave off a warm and lived-in feeling to the kitchen and before she could help herself, Raven started to feel relaxed until something happened…

They would've gone the whole night without truly reacting to each other had it not been for the loud roar Raven's deprived stomach set off by the smell of food.

She immediately blushed from embarrassment as Slade looked at her surprised from the loud uproar coming from her body.

She knew he was staring at her as she kept her eyes staring straight ahead, as hard as she tried not to think of hunger her stomach let out another protest as to further embarrass her for neglecting to eat. It sounded like an angry groan, and Raven felt the rest of her body flush as she felt amusement radiating off Slade. Damn her hunger!

Without asking her he grabbed a small plate and placed a small serving of his freshly cooked stir-fry in front of her.

Again she arched a brow, this time one of suspicion. Poisoning was hardly his style, but making food for the enemy was beyond unheard of for a man like him.

She looked down at the plate determined not eat it but her stomach seemed to be overtaking her will. It soon occurred to her that she hadn't had a real meal in three days. Her nerves had been wound so tight that her appetite had been nonexistent, now she had finally relaxed for a second, her appetite had returned with a ravenous longing for sustenance.

Without really thinking, she picked up the fork provided by Slade and took a few tedious bites. It was delicious, probably one the best things she had eaten in a while. Everyone in the Tower was a terrible cook for as hard as they tried. Starfires' alien experiments were hardly edible for most of them, Cyborg was forever obsessed with large portions of meat which were often smothered in gravy and thick BBQ sauces. Beastboy didn't technically cook and Robin…well Robin didn't completely suck at it but he was far from being a chef.

As Raven continued to eat she felt that familiar swell of curiosity coming from Slade. Rather than recoil she tried to focus on it. She had mentioned to how he was curious about her, he was always waiting for her reactions, her next move, why?

She wanted to figure it out only because it seemed far from important. She had nothing of interest for him, she had no new history that he didn't already know, he had nothing to gain from her in terms of being an accomplice or apprentice.

Was it their odd connection and time together that made him curious about her? Had she affected him in some way that he had affected her?

_People don't always have the clearest of motives or reasoning, sometimes we do things out of pure instinct or wanting. Just because you don't understand something or know why it's happening doesn't mean it's good or bad, it all depends on how you choose to handle it._

Dr. Greg's words ran through her head with a comforting reassurance. So long as she let herself relax and return to her passable calmness, there was no reason she couldn't maintain control and not get sucked into this game.

If it was even a game anymore…maybe Slade was just trying to get a better understanding and tolerance of this as well. Maybe that was why he chose her, because she was the most intuitive of the Titans. Perhaps she was the most equipped to deal with this task.

He sat across from her at the island and they both ate their food not looking or speaking to each other. She had to repress a laugh, this was just too weird.

* * *

The first words to come out of his mouth were hardly what she expected to hear.

"Care for dessert?"

No doom or warning. He seemed to be testing his limits with how much further he could stuff food down her throat.

He opened the refrigerator and scurried around it noisily. She sat there passively with her arms crossed and continued to watch him. He had placed a huge slab of chocolate cake in front of her along with a fork.

She kept her arms crossed and barely looked at the slice of cake. "I don't do sweet," she wasn't lying or trying to be defiant. Raven's sweet tooth had never fully grown in, she didn't eat for pleasure unlike Cyborg and Beastboy, she ate more out necessity, her food preference was plain and simple.

Slade didn't seem to hear her as he sat at the opposite side of the island and ate at his own slice.

Raven sighed, not caring for the obvious act of her disapproval of sweets being ignored and picked up her fork to poke and stab at the gooey chocolate pastry.

Time seemed to pass by just fine before Raven could stop the words escaping her mouth. "Why did you ask for me Slade?"

His mouth twitched slightly as he met her eyes. "I was wondering how long it was going to take for you to ask that, a lot sooner than I would've guessed."

He was avoiding the question. She pressed on.

"I'm serious, you don't seem to want to kill me anymore, so what is it? Expect us to get close by forcing me to stay in your home?" she accused seriously. The thought had not escaped her. Stockholm syndrome was a very real thing. If he could befriend her perhaps she would be the one to help him escape without him having to get his own hands dirty. That would be more Slade's style.

"You're implying that we're not already close my dear."

She nearly dropped her fork at his statement. Was that what he really thought? Was that his twisted version of being close to someone? For someone who didn't have regular friends or family the possibility wasn't too far off, but his implication made it seem as though she felt the same.

"You have a lot to learn about what it means to be close to someone," Raven lectured harshly at him, no longer caring for an answer to her question. "Don't assume for one minute that you actually_ know_ me. My destiny no longer defines me and it never did, so you have nothing on me but a dead history."

Slade didn't react to her speech in any particular way. He merely glanced at her plate and smirked. "Well at least I knew you'd enjoy _something _sweet."

Raven's eyes bolted down to her now empty plate.

"You practically licked the plate clean."

She threw the fork across the kitchen and left the room.

* * *

"He actually engaged with you," Dr. Greg was looking at her with more focus than usual today, as though he were trying to pull something out of Raven, what it was she didn't know.

"He talked _at_ me, he wasn't trying to socialize or get to know me better, he just wanted a reaction since I was so obviously uncomfortable around him." Raven had been in a bad mood ever since last night. She had to take up an extra hour of meditation just to quell her anger down to a mere sizzle as opposed to a boil over.

She had let her guard down and Slade had gotten to her, she was never eating cake again.

He frowned at her slightly, "But if you knew this was his motive why did you let him get away with it?"

It was her turn to frown back. "Are you suggesting I should've beat him up in order to get even?"

He did something that surprised her, he laughed at her, actually laughed as though she had told a joke. "Raven, you and I both know better, you are someone who prides herself on self- control and someone who deflects feelings of doubt or insecurity by using your wit and intelligence. If you knew Slade was trying to bait you, then why didn't you rise above the challenge as opposed to falling for it?"

Her mouth hung open slightly at Dr. Greg's words, what he was saying was the truth. Why had she not been herself, why hadn't she acted with dignity, why had she let Slade get to her? Was she that scared she couldn't control herself around him that she had turned into someone who now overreacted over something as trivial as cake.

"You let him cook for you, you allowed yourself to eat, you gave yourself a moment of peace and you ultimately let your own worries self-sabotage the whole evening," Dr Greg explained with great emphasis. "Why?"

Raven sighed and shut her eyes once. "Because he's my enemy, it isn't right…I shouldn't be feeling like it's ok to relax around him."

Dr. Greg folded his fingers together and regarded her with a look of wisdom. Their session was near its end and he wanted to make sure she didn't leave feeling as though her night with Slade had been a disaster. "It's not about being comfortable or relaxed around an enemy. It's not even about whether it's wrong or right to engage with him, its' about making sure he's adhering to his punishment and that you are still a Titan merely serving and aiding the city by making sure he is not plotting something dangerous."

Raven remained quiet and tried to drench in his words.

"It's not strange for you to know him better, it's not unusual for you to feel differently about him. It won't even be a shock to me when you discover his more human side and see redeeming qualities in a man you believe to be so evil, that's not the case here Raven."

Raven suddenly felt as though she were in the presence of a leader. It was shame Dr. Greg had no powers and was near retirement, he could do great things for superheroes and their way of seeing things.

"The main objective here is to monitor his actions and protect the city. Have you been doing that so far?"

Not to the best of her ability. But so far, no escape attempts, not brawls, and no mysterious explosions or attacks on the city. "Yes," she answered.

Dr. Greg shrugged his shoulders and looked at her with calm unworried eyes. "Then see what happens in these exchanges between the two of you. See where it goes."

This was the first time Raven seriously doubted his advice. He didn't know the first thing about Slade, but then again she didn't really either. She knew his evil qualities; perhaps knowing those supposed good qualities Dr. Greg seemed to believe he held could be used to her advantage.

_What kind of advantage? _Rage piqued inside her mind devilishly.

She felt an unfamiliar tightness in her chest…this wasn't going to end well.

* * *

A/N: Review!


	12. The Comfortable Night

**Chapter 11: The Comfortable Night**

* * *

Interesting.

That was the only word he could think of to describe last night with the dark brooding Titan. She wore her uniform each time she came and sat like a statue in his kitchen, never even bothering to do her daily inspection. Perhaps he should report her, maybe that would snap her out of her comatose state.

It wasn't like him to cook for someone else. Normally he would've let her sit there to starve and sulk. However it had been a while since Slade had had any sort of company in his home, he thought with Raven the one hour nights would flow by with an invasion of privacy. He thought she would tear his house to pieces, thought she would insult him, thought she would walk around here proudly that he was finally a prisoner in some sense.

However the moment he saw her enter his house he knew it was going to be the very opposite of everything he expected. He kept forgetting she wasn't a teenager anymore, he kept forgetting she didn't forgive or forget what he had done to her, and he also forgot how uncomfortable she was around people, let alone one of her greatest enemies.

Needless to say things had been boring, and boredom was something he was not accustomed to. He had grown tired of waiting for her to do something, thus forcing him to do something very out of character for him.

He guessed what had happened was of mild interest, she actually ate his food, actual spoke back to him, and even more surprising threw a hissy fit by throwing silverware across his kitchen.

Another thing he forgot…how easy it was to get her pissed off given the right push. He had been hoping for more of a challenge but perhaps making Raven lose her cool again wouldn't be so difficult. If she attacked him he could easily escape and in the end it would be her doing, her fault, and her downfall.

However that all still remained to be seen, he still had a lot of work to do, a lot to prepare for. He knew sooner or later Raven would get comfortable enough to properly inspect his house and if he wasn't patient he wouldn't be able to make his clean start once his sentence was over. In the end it wouldn't really matter, he'd be back in the criminal world in no time and back to terrorizing superheroes and destroying the Titans.

He still wouldn't be able to do anything for months, he needed to be patient and he needed to use Raven for whatever he could at this point…but then that wasn't why he had requested her.

He couldn't care less which of the Titans monitored him, but only he knew why Raven was the one he needed. Maybe one day she'd find out too, given that Terra didn't tell her first.

* * *

Beastboy had an extra spring in his step. He whistled and hummed, made more jokes than usual, and had a smile plastered on his face day and night.

Raven hadn't realized until Terra's reappearance how much Beastboy had actually matured over the last four years. She hadn't felt this kind of jovial immaturity in him for what seemed like forever, now that it was back in full swing Raven found her old annoyance in his over-exuberance just as strong.

"God! It's such a beautiful day!"

Over the years Beastboy had learned to talk in a more hushed tone when she was reading in the living room, now he entered twice as loud as ever with Terra smiling contently behind him.

_Yeah, I bet you're enjoying all his attention. _Raven thought vehemently.

While Raven had never been overly-found of Beastboy's energy being directed at her, she disliked being completely forgotten even more.

Terra distracted him to the point of being inconsiderate with everyone around him, no one noticed since they were also mildly sidetracked by the euphoria of having her back. Raven noticed though, she noticed to the point of feeling uncomfortable in her own home. It had only taken four days for Terra to make her feel unwelcomed.

Beastboy had accidently sat on one of her favorite books she left lying on the sofa while he was telling Terra some lame joke; by the time he noticed he had sat on it the spine had already been bent. Beastboy broke her favorite tea mug by knocking it off the table while animatedly re-telling a story of one of their battles. All of it would have been well and good had it not been for Beastboy bumping her hard in the shoulder while walking with Terra down the hall. He barely even glanced at her before muttering out a quick "sorry," and returning his gaze back to Terra.

_Azarath…Metrion…Zinthos…_

Raven breathed in and out as slowly as she could force herself to. It wasn't Terra's fault, not really, and yet she was mad at her all the same. Not once had Terra approached her and asked her how her nights with Slade had been. Not that she expected her to, but somehow Raven thought maybe she would.

_What had her nights with Slade been like? _

She shuddered to think of their two evil and twisted minds conspiring together to destroy her and her friends. Did they laugh over a fine cooked meal prepared by Slade? Did they sit in his penthouse overlooking the waters directly pointed at Titans Tower? What kind of things did she tell Slade about her? What impression did she give Slade about Raven before her father had?

_Why am I asking myself these stupid questions? _

Her intelligence told her it was the mystery of the unknown. Working in the crime world and dealing with those of a twisted, dark, or extreme mindset took a great deal of patience and understanding. You had to force yourself to know your opponent without being corrupted by them.

When you didn't know or understand something about the enemy it only put you more at risk. She wanted the answers to her questions to better protect herself, to better manage the feelings she had towards Slade and Terra, but would she ever get the truth?

She could just try and ask them outright. Then again when she had tried to ask Slade why he had chosen her to monitor him, he had completely projected her question and caused her to have a childish outburst.

Raven sighed and let her feet reconnect with the floor, she had only been meditating for an hour after giving up on reading, anything she used to try and distract herself wasn't working.

For some reason Raven felt a little shaky, her breathing seemed to be getting tighter every so often, now as she fully stood in front of the windows that looked out to the city she felt her skin go slick with sweat. A feeling of dread came over her knowing that Slade could look out his window and see her home as she was looking out towards his.

"Raven," Robin's voice snapped her out of her unusualness. She blinked a few times and looked at him blankly.

"You ok? You seemed to be in another world for a second," he approached her slowly. He was always careful with her, like she was brittle and made of glass. He treated her with such ease, a luxury none of his other teammates received.

"I'm fine," she replied flatly. "Just have a lot on my mind."

His brow and jaw hardened as he nodded at her. He rubbed his neck and sighed coming to stand next to her. "I'm sorry I couldn't convince the city council to let **me** watch Slade instead of you."

Always the noble leader, always taking the blame for things that weren't even his fault.

She smiled sadly at him and shrugged her shoulder. "It's only fair Robin, I did do my share of damage and if Slade wants me…well I guess Slade always gets what he wants."

Even though she had said it sarcastically Robin still looked at her wide eyed and said, "Don't say that."

They had already lost her to Slade once, Robin would be damned if he let that happen a second time. She doubted he was going to stop harassing the city council, the mayor, she was willing to bet he was working his way up to talking to the president.

"We just need to give it time," he said more desperately than ever. "We have to be persistent, let them know how serious we are about this, how unfair it really is considering all the good we've done for this city."

Raven couldn't help but roll her eyes and let out an exasperated breath. "Just let it go Robin. Within a year this whole thing will be over and things will go back to normal. Slade will be free to return to crime, we'll be chasing him down, he'll be mocking us from a distance. Only this time we'll have Terra on our side."

_Hopefully._

"But he tried to kill you Raven," Robin said in a hushed voice. "It still bothers me…what was the purpose."

"It doesn't matter Robin," Raven replied stoically. She didn't want to analyze _that _question anymore. "Maybe he got cocky and thought he could get away with it, maybe he was being reckless, maybe he was just bored."

She looked out to the horizon as the sun started to set and set the sky aglow with reds, purples, orange and pink. The colors reminded her of hellfire.

"I just want to finish out this year. I don't care if that means being stuck with Slade for an hour every day. I can handle it." The certainty in her voice seemed to waver as Robin looked at her skeptically.

"Are you sure?" he asked. "You're with him for a long time, and I just to make sure…" He trailed off and Raven waited patiently for him to continue. "I just want to make sure he's not trying to hurt you, or brainwashing you into any lies."

"I know how Slade works Robin," and it was true, she did know how Slade worked. To assure Robin even further, she did something she rarely ever did to make sure he believed her, she put her hand on top of his shoulder and gave it a squeeze. "Everything is fine."

When she looked back out the window the sky had turned black, the color of doom, signaling her time to leave Titans Tower and back to Slade again.

* * *

She figured as long as she was supposed to be here, and as long as Slade decided not disrupt her, she might as well use the time to study and do her homework.

Her first day back at school had been different. Everyone looked at her with a distrusting eye, normally she would resent it, but she felt she had well earned it. At least her academic performance was still up to par.

Book work and other such assignments were not difficult for Raven, she maintained perfect grades ever since her first day of college, she didn't understand why regular students couldn't do it when it was all so simple. Then again they were all rather busy with their social and ever changing love lives.

She didn't understand how people could go from one partner to the next so fluidly, the whole process made her dizzy and gave her a headache just thinking about it. If they put all that energy toward their college career then they wouldn't be turning to her all the time for help on assignments and studying.

However Raven quickly realized how unable she was able to concentrate being in _his_ home. The personal items told her more and more each time she dared take a glimpse. For instance the books, naturally there were books on law, crime, philosophy, but who knew Slade actually read fiction and poetry.

Who knew he listened to jazz and classical music, never mind the fact that most of them were vinyl's. Hell who knew Slade could actually cook being so odd and reclusive, she could barely imagine him washing a dish. But everyone had their double-life, she just wasn't use to seeing him any other way than his mask.

The mask…in all honesty that was one thing she wished the police hadn't taken away. She didn't want to know his face, she didn't expect someone so much older, so much more dignified, someone so human. It unnerved her to no end that she couldn't even go to sleep at night without dreaming of his new face.

She could sense it disturbed him too, left him feeling naked in a sense; he didn't want her seeing his face anymore than she did.

Then why did she try removing his mask that day when he had tried killing her?

She sighed feeling flustered and put down her pencil giving up on her report, she would wait till she got back to the tower.

"Didn't realize the Titans had to fill out paper work," a voice suddenly bellowed.

Raven jumped in her seat so hard that the stool inched forward making a sharp sound against the floor. Slade smirked at her amused as he moved into the kitchen and went for the fridge. He was so close that she went tense and rigid immediately.

He took a bottle of water and apple out before shutting the fridge door, he looked at her once and started to walk back towards his room. Before she could stop herself she blurted out, "It's homework."

Why did she do that? Openly correct him when it shouldn't even matter.

He turned around and tossed the apple in the air and catching it, he seemed more amused now that she was actually talking to him, or rather talking back at him. "What kind of homework? The kind where every question has a multiple choice answer?"

She wanted to say _fuck you, _but acting so juvenile would only confirm his remarks about her intelligence and maturity. Instead she replied. "An English report, things only people who read would understand."

Slade raised his eyebrow and looked towards his many shelves of books as though to point out his vast intake of reading.

Raven looked at the shelves too and quickly remarked, "Sorry Slade, using books for decoration doesn't count."

He scoffed and continued to toss his apple up and down, unsure of what to make of her sudden feistiness. "The first three nights you're mute, and the fourth night you're suddenly a smart-ass."

Raven picked up her pencil again and turned her eyes to her paper determined to get the last word in. "Certainly smarter than you." She didn't look back up to see his reaction, she didn't need too. She knew she left him stumped by her sudden change in attitude and liked it.

Slade stood there for a time regarding her. He had plenty he wanted to say to her, but for whatever reason he chose to simply return to his room. Whatever game she was getting at he didn't want to get involved. It was still his home and she was still just a guest, he didn't want her getting too comfortable, although she seemed to be doing it quickly.

* * *

She flew back to Titans Tower not feeling so lousy as she had every night for the past week. Getting the last word shouldn't make her feel so victorious but damn…it just felt too good.


	13. Attraction

**Chapter 12: Attraction**

There was something and terrifying about those who could convert, control or manipulate the elements. In Terra's case, being able to move earth was something she had a full and capable mastery of. Her time with Slade had not been wasted in terms of her skills.

Terra had such control that predicting her next move had become near impossible. Normally when the ground is disturbed it splinters in a noisy and obvious way, specks of dirt may fall from the base, pebbles would scatter, and the visibility of large minerals flying near your head would be easy to catch in time.

However each time Terra moved more and more rock and dirt, the more Raven realized just how powerful she had become. She was able to keep the mineral of the ground perfectly intact to not set off any noise obvious to Beastboy, she was able to send smaller pieces of rock flying with more dangerous speed too fast for Robin to detect, and worse yet Terra was able to lift larger pieces that were hard for even Starfire and Cyborg to handle.

As their training session came to an end Raven could feel her heart beat fluttering faster than she was use to.

_Am I getting sick?_ She wondered as she checked her pulse.

No seemed to notice as they were all catching their breaths and wiping sweat from their foreheads. Raven looked carefully at each teammate surveying the kind of bumps and bruises she may need to patch up.

When her eyes finally got to Terra her heart rate seemed to speed up a little faster. _Not a scratch on her._

"Damn I forgot how tough you were Terra," Beastboy said in adoration.

Raven rolled her eyes as she wiped more dust and grime off her uniform. "She was never tough, she just has better timing and restraint."

Terra smiled at her wiping some imaginary sweat from her brow. "Thanks Raven."

Raven hid a sneer beneath her cowl, she hadn't meant it as a compliment but let her have it anyway. Azar knew they hadn't had a challenging training session in a while, becoming too familiar and in tuned with each other's abilities. Terra's new surprises had kept them on their toes today, and even Raven could appreciate a good workout every now and then.

"Let's celebrate with a good old fashion barbeque!" shouted Cyborg salivating at the thought.

"What exactly are we celebrating?" asked Raven unenthusiastically.

Cyborg looked at her surprised, as though a celebration with his favorite food needed a reason. "How about a good day…or a good training session…or…." Cyborg let his sentence hang in the air as he rushed off to grab the sustenance needed to refuel his appetite.

"Hey wait up!" yelled Beastboy sprinting after him. "I know you're not going to forget my tofu burgers! And if you think we're not making a salad then you're out of your mind!"

Robin shook his head excusing himself for a shower. Starfire stuck with Terra and Raven chattering about what dish she should make for the barbeque and Terra making a few suggestions. Raven stayed quiet the whole time as they entered the tower each of them removing shoes and a few accessories.

One of the things Raven had been most thankful for in updates to the tower was the decision to finally install their own personal bathrooms. Even though they were rather small in space, Raven was glad she didn't have to wait her turn to shower; in the past she was usually the last one getting use of the bathroom, meaning she'd stink from having to sit in her own sweat and grime thus making her have to wash extra hard.

Raven smiled at the privacy and convenience of being able to take her time and get cleaner sooner, unstrapping her cloak and draping it over her arm she called out to Starfire, "I'm going to go shower first, Starfire do you think you could make a pitcher of **unsweeted** tea?"

Days as hot as this one, Raven had no problem drinking iced tea, so long as Starfire stopped ruining the drink by adding ungodly amounts of sugar to each batch.

Starfire grimaced a little over the thought of such a bitter beverage but nodded to Raven in acceptance, already planning to make a backup drink more suited to the aliens sweet tooth. "Certainly Raven, perhaps something for dessert? I know you don't partake in the wonderful deliciousness of treats, but if you have any suggestions I could-''

"Chocolate cake."

Both Terra and Starfire looked at Raven curiously, Starfire with more delight, while Terra with a bit more scrutiny.

"Really?!" Starfire squealed clapping her hands together at the thought of Raven joining in on something that she usually didn't.

Raven looked away in embarrassment, yes not liking dessert made her even more of an outcast, and it was always made more apparent when she was open to activities out of the norm for her. "Yes Strafire, make a stupid chocolate cake and I will eat some of it with you."

Again Starfire squeaked with delight as she rushed into the kitchen pulling out various items for the party. Raven realized Terra was still watching her. Raven decided to leave the room as soon as possible rather than Terra questioning her with the significance of chocolate cake.

_You're over-thinking it, _Raven thought to herself foolishly. It wasn't like Terra knew what was happening between her and Slade. _You don't know that, she was with him before you, she's smarter than she seems._

And more dangerous; Raven sighed tiredly, wondering if she'd ever get over speculating how loyal Terra would stay to the Titans.

Raven turned on the tap as hot as it would go and stood under the stream of water closing her eyes in deep thought. God she hated how last night had gone.

* * *

They walked around each other as though in high anticipation. She didn't know if that was because she had finally mustered the courage to do a full inspection and that she was touching his stuff, or that he was hiding something.

For all of her trying, for all of her desperation that Slade was hiding something that she could use to put him away for good, she only found more personal things that gave her a better picture of the man she was suppose to be monitoring.

Dozens of TIME magazines, articles with highlighted paragraphs, notebooks with notes on various topics of research; a few random notes about chores, grocery items and reminders.

The guest bathroom was nothing spectacular, the basic amenities of toilet paper, towels, soap. The only thing that caught her eye was the large bathtub big enough for two. Raven realized that the tower didn't have tubs, they each had standing showers. While she had never experienced it, the thought of soaking in hot quiet water seemed terribly soothing.

The large reveal had been Slade's bedroom which Raven realized was actually two rooms converted into one. At one point there had been a wall to separate what contained Slade's office and small but efficient gym equipment.

She hadn't expected the area to be so large, now feeling foolish for not inspecting it sooner, it was the exact size of the living room and kitchen. At the far end of the right was a king sized bed and walk in closet filled with expensive luxurious clothes. Seeing such normal clothing made her ache for her own regular attire. She was still arriving to Slade's home in her uniform.

His office area had a large European style desk made of oak. The drawers and shelves behind it were emptied out by the police, there wasn't even a radio lying around. Raven figured he must've kept busy with reading, but even she had to admit that she tired of being a shut-in. This punishment must be driving him crazy, hence the exercise equipment to stimulate his body.

He had a punching bag, a pull-up bar, a few free weights that didn't go below 50 pounds and an advanced looking treadmill.

_No wonder he still looks good for his age. _

Raven paused to grimace at herself. _Where the hell did that come from? _Since when had she decided that Slade looked good at all?

_Oh come on Raven it's not like you're blind, it's not his fault he has such a trim body._ Raven nearly gasped out loud. That was defiantly not her but rather her Lustful emotional self piquing up in full blown expressiveness.

She wanted to scream and curse at her more sexualized and physically charged emotion for making a connection towards someone she hated so much.

_It's a hormonal response, completely physical, it doesn't mean anything, _her intellect reasoned. Raven felt disappointment to that truth knowing this wasn't the first time her attractions had pointed in the wrong direction, hadn't she learned from her experience with Malchior?

"What?" Slade snapped harshly behind her.

She hadn't realized that she had been scrutinizing herself so harshly that it may appear that she was viewing his belonging in a suspicious manner.

"Nothing", she snapped back. "Everything looks fine…for now."

As she walked back to the kitchen she quickly realized that Slade was following her and standing rather close behind her as she stood at the counter grabbing her backpack. She squeezed it tight to herself not wanting to turn directly around to his face, to his energy, to his body which was becoming more and more obvious to her lustful side.

_Why him? Why him? _

_You know why. _Her Intelligence berated to her. She would know if she took the time look at her emotions better, the time to look at the reasoning, to sit her affectionate and lust driven self down to explain. But she wouldn't, she didn't want to know the answer even though it lay right there, she wanted to keep denying the possibility because the truth was just too awful.

Raven finally set her backpack down on the island unpacking her homework and keeping her eyes down the whole time. Slade was watching her intently and she knew she couldn't give anything away at this moment for fear of her fully peaked emotion wanting to burst through. She pushed it back further not allowing herself to feel at all, but she could still feel Slade, and Slade had a nagging suspicion emanating off him.

He leaned against the island observing her as he finally asked, "If everything looks fine then why did you seem so upset?"

Raven kept her face blank looking through her notes without actually reading them. "I wasn't upset over anything, I just wanted to get that over with."

He glared at her a moment before swinging around towards the stove and making yet another meal. This time it was grilled chicken with roasted peppers, asparagus and red potatoes. The whole time Slade cooked he didn't say another word to her, nor her to him.

He placed a plate in front of her and before he left with his own plate into the confines of his room again, he placed a second plate in front of her with a slice of chocolate cake. Raven stared at the plate for what seemed liked hours. She was alone in the kitchen with Slade's food and yet Slade had left her alone this time, she didn't know why this made her upset, but it did.

She ate the chicken and potatoes but left the cake untouched this time, it had still been sitting on the island when she left.

* * *

"What is it that makes you so nervous around this particular man?"

That's how she had described the night to Dr. Greg. Nervous…nervous was the best word she could describe her unusual feelings as of late. The rapid heartbeats, the sense of doom…

She shrugged not wanting to answer that question. It seemed more often than not that he asked her questions she didn't want to answer, so how was this suppose to help her?

"Just think about it for a second," he said patiently. He repeated his question, "What makes you so nervous around Slade?"

She looked anywhere but at his face. He was too observant and too present, she didn't want him to tell when she was lying.

"I don't know really, I guess it's just his presence…or something." She was stammering, since when did she stammer?

"So he's intimidating?" he asked, expecting her to explain.

She gave a sarcastic smirk and snorted. "Well yeah any man with a missing eye and death defying martial art skills would be intimidating to anyone." She shook her head annoyed with him and yet he continued to sit there, patient.

Raven continued to talk, trying to fill the uncomfortable silence he kept trying to trap her in. "But it's not like I've never met an enemy before that didn't intimidate me on some level. I mean you never know in this business who you're going to face next; someone stronger, and faster, and more dangerous than the last."

He nodded gently at her. "So what makes Slade so unique, what sets him apart from the rest?"

She blew out a puff of air and looked up at the ceiling. "Plenty…" She had to shake her head slightly at all the many, many thing she could list about Slade. "He's calculating and smart, unlike some of the dumb and mindless criminals I've encountered."

He nodded as she continued to build a better and clearer picture of him. "He's relentless and clear in what it is he wants and what it is he wants out of people. He's honest and cold and doesn't care how far he's crossed the line with others."

"Has he crossed lines with you?" he suddenly asked.

Raven blinked once not knowing how to answer that. She answered with avoidance. "You can't be around a man like that and not be affected in some way, he knows what he's doing, he knows when he's gotten to you."

"And has he gotten to you?" he asked pointedly.

Her eyes were dodgy as she answered as best she could, "Well he was the one who knew before anyone else that I would destroy the world. He was the one who delivered me to my death and rebirth. In some messed up way he's been tied to my life and I can't seem to escape it."

"So you're worried he will become even closer to you?" he dug deeper. Raven hated him.

"I'm worried that I'll forget what he really is as I start…" _Careful_, she thought to herself. "As I start to be around him more and more, it starts getting comfortable and I start to see another side of him."

It looked as though a thought suddenly struck his mind. "Does this other side of him appeal to you at all?"

Her words got caught in her mouth and this time she really couldn't answer him.

"Are you attracted to him in any way?"

"No," she replied quickly and defiantly. "No I am not."

* * *

A/N: Hope I'm not rushing this story, but trust me nothing truly crazy will happen too soon. I'm open to any suggestions on how you guys want this go or if you want more of certain characters. Please review!


	14. Cruelty

A/N: Holy... crap, I am so swamped with so many projects its insane. I'm trying to return to school for criminology, I'm working overtime since I've been promoted to supervisor at my job, I'm typing up all my short stories and thousands of poems onto my computer and I'm working on three art projects...needless to say the updates on this might not be as lucrative as they once were, but this story has hardly strayed far from my mind and I am determined to finish it and make it my best written fan fic even if its not my most read since many people don't care for Raven and Slade centered stories.

That being said I think I should address a few questions on this story. While this is not technically a romance story between Raven and Slade it will have awkward moments that hint a romance, but this is **not** going to turn fluffy at any moment, this is more of psychological exploration of Raven's complicated history with Slade and how she reacts to it.

* * *

Chapter 13: Cruelty

The days between re-living with Terra and nearly living with Slade had been confusing to say the least. Raven felt things slowly ease in a more manageable way to the point where she no longer felt her chest go tight and her breath go short.

The Titans no longer asked her if she was ok constantly, although she was surprised Robin hadn't pried more into the daily activities of his greatest nemesis. She could feel the curiousness of Slade from Robin along with the hesitancy of making her uncomfortable. So for now no one knew that Slade had been cooking her meals and every now and then they insulted each other in a sarcastic-near degrading way.

Raven's hostile feelings towards Terra had been waning more and more with the battles she assisted them in and the way she lightened the lives of her friends.

Beastboy was in love, Starfire had another gal pal, Cyborg had a buddy, and Robin had an ally.

The only thing that made Raven suspicious of her was that Terra seemed to be avoiding Raven purposely. Maybe it was to avoid confrontation, maybe it was to avoid talking about Slade or maybe Terra just didn't like her.

Either way it was exceptionally clear that Terra was treating Raven as though she were invisible, to the point where even the other Titans were starting to take notice...

* * *

The hot summer days had been replaced with three days of bitter cold rain that even Raven couldn't ignore as she dressed into a large red knit sweater and velvety dress pants that swayed as she made her way into the living room with a new book.

Raven had taken up reading more and more lately, it was the number one thing that distracted her the most nowadays apart from some heavy meditating, often involving her mirror to gain access to her mind.

She had disciplined her lust by forming more barriers, however she knew they could only do so much for so long. Lust was hardly the most powerful of her emotions since it was so suppressed and unable to find anyone person worthy enough of its ravenous appetites.

Day by day her lustful emotion was growing strong, if not stronger in comparison to her sisters. Intelligence had to be called upon may times for support in containing Lust's energy.

It was harder to contain in Slade's presence, but in the tower the emotion had dulled down, allowing her to return to her daily routine.

Raven stretched out on the couch, loving the comfort her large knit sweater encased her in, it had been the first time in weeks she felt safe enough to go back to her regular attire. the rain had helped calm her nerves the past few days.

The safety of the weather, her book and clothing was disrupted by Cyborg's voice.

"You're wearing...regular clothes?"

Raven hadn't realized Cyborg had walked into the living room, she had been too engrossed in her book to realize the scrutiny in his tone.

"Yeah...it's been a while since I've worn anything... normal." she pulled her eyes back to her book hoping that would be the end of it, but Cyborg's level of concern and rationalizing couldn't just be suppressed.

He was second in command for a reason, anything that seemed wrong or unusual with his teammates had to be dealt with right away. Especially with Raven.

"Actually ever since Slade attacked you, you've worn your uniform consistently as though you've been preparing for another battle," he stated matter-of-factly.

Raven finally lifted her eyes up to him, he had comfortably seated himself next to her on the couch and it was clear she was going to have to give him some explanation on her sudden change in wardrobe.

"Well obviously I'm no longer preparing for a battle. Seems Slade is no big threat now that he's been imprisoned in his own home."

Cyborg arched an eyebrow in surprise. "Really? You sound so sure about that."

She shrugged a shoulder, not sure why they were still discussing this.

"Why wouldn't I be? I'm the one who has to be with him an hour **everyday**." There was a biting tone in her voice she didn't mean for, she just didn't like Cyborg questioning her judgment.

He held up his hands in submission trying to placate her. "Hey I'm just surprised is all. Didn't think you'd ever be able to relax with Slade around again."

Raven looked up at him with serious eyes. "What's that suppose to mean?" She didn't like the way _relax _had come out of his mouth.

Again Cyborg was surprised by her defensiveness. "Whoa! Nothing Rae, I just meant..." He hadn't meant to come off so suspicious when really he was just trying to make her feel better about the situation.

Although she seemed to be better adjusting to the situation that didn't mean that she still didn't take it seriously. They were all still taking it seriously, but he didn't want Raven to be so stressed out every day, he wanted to know she could breathe and be herself, and to just be careful around Slade.

"I'm just glad you're not in any real danger at the moment, I'm glad Slade's holding up his end of the bargain."

Raven eased up a bit, but just a bit. "I'm glad too...otherwise I'd have to kill him." She said it in a sarcastic, joking manner, Cyborg took it as a joke; but something in her subconscious told her it was no joke.

Cyborg's mood suddenly shifted to a more serious one. "I also wanted to talk to you about Terra."

Raven huffed out an annoyed gust of air finally setting her book down. Seems like she wouldn't be able to escape the subject of Slade and Terra today. "What about Terra? There haven't been any problems, everyone seems to be ok with her being back."

Cyborg looked around the room and looked anxiously at the hallway doors making sure no one was around or about to enter. "Look, it just seems like you two are avoiding each other. Even Beastboy is concerned about it."

_Even Beastboy._ Raven was surprised he was able to notice anything with his head up in the clouds.

Raven didn't have an answer for Cyborg so instead she asked, "Why haven't you asked Terra that same question?"

"Don't think I'm not planning to," he said still serious as ever. "I wanted to come to you first because you're an original member of this team, and I also trust your word more than Terra's."

How anyone could trust either one of them was beyond Raven, but she understood where Cyborg was coming from and again she had no real answer. "I'm not trying to shut her out, in a way I've been waiting for her to make the first move, but is it really important if we talk to each other or not?"

Cyborg looked at her as though she had just asked a stupid question. "The compatibility of this team is important. I understand you two may not ever be best friends or anything, but we all have to depend on each other."

Raven sighed looking back at Cyborg helplessly. "Like I've said I'm not trying to evade her, I don't know if I can say the same for her, but let's try to give it more time. It took me forever to stop hating Beastboy remember?"

Cyborg smiled and nodded finally relenting. Perhaps he was over thinking it and perhaps it was more Terra not making an effort than Raven, either way it was going to take a while for the two women to mesh.

What did scare Raven was she was meshing better with Slade than Terra.

* * *

He hadn't known any other way to treat her other than how he had been, but it was obvious to his detailed eye that there was something different in the way Raven had been looking at him.

He felt as though he could name every secret and history of her birth, her childhood (if one could even call it that), her destiny, her powers and yet he felt like he could never get a clear reading on her or what she felt at the present.

It was obvious that she didn't feel comfortable around him and yet she seemed to be settling into their unusual routine of eating and sparring together. She couldn't seem to look him directly in the eye and yet she couldn't seem to keep quiet around him very long either.

And now she had made her way from the kitchen to the living room sofa deeply entranced in a book. Not one of his, but one of her own, he couldn't help but pause and take in the image.

Her appearance was striking to him in a very peculiar way. The way she looked in regular clothing made her more human. It was hard not to notice the elegance of her pale skin and the way her bright red sweater complimented her in a way he found hard to appreciate.

He appreciated with a dark humor that the red of her sweater reminded him of hell. He never would've taken her to be brave enough to wear red, she seemed all to wrapped up in her blue, a color which used to suit her so perfectly.

"Seems you are able to wear something different."

He was always the first to speak, he was always the one to start their nights and what direction they went in.

Raven regarded his tone with hostility, he seemed to be glaring at her clothes which she found odd. Why was everyone so bent out of shape about her wearing something different?

"I don't have to wear the same thing every day," she replied annoyed. "Even if I'm stuck here with you why shouldn't I be allowed to wear something comfortable?"

He walked to the kitchen, falling into the regular routine of cooking dinner for two. "If this is what you consider comfortable then by all means..." he motioned his hand to the bedroom. "Stretch out on my bed, take a hot bath, strut around here naked for all I care."

It was something he was catching onto more and more. Engaging with her in a more adult manner made her dumbstruck with an embarrassed modesty. He was willing to put his soul on the line that Raven was still a virgin.

Ravens cheeks burned red and suddenly the color of her sweater matched her perfectly.

"Oh sorry," Slade said with a slight chuckle. "How would that look if the Titans found out? You'd seem like the whore of the group."

Raven's reaction wasn't so much of a reaction as her powers releasing pent up anger. A few dozen books from each bookshelf went flying across opposite sides of the room.

Raven had an unusual steely calmness in her eyes as she stared at him still awestruck. He stared back at her waiting for whatever came next. He could go further, there were so many more worse things he could say to her that would send them both into war battle within his own home. Not that he wanted to destroy his home, but he wanted to test Raven's newfound easiness around him, he wanted to see how for real she was.

Judging by the mess in his living room, he could see she had good restraint but unbridled hatred towards his comments and thoughts of her.

"You're not going to bait me Slade. You can demean and insult me to the worst of your abilities but I have no problem taking out my frustrations on your home, you may want to reconsider thought since this is your new prison. It's be a shame if you had nothing left to read or no exercise equipment to keep your body busy."

He could see she was serious in her promise. Four years ago he'd be pinned against a wall or crushed between boulders for making such crude comments to her.

"Forgive me for such assumptions but you're acting far from what I expected, it will be interesting to see what else I will learn about you."

"Why, so you can use that information towards your benefit?" Raven questioned bitterly.

"Why else?" he murmured to her condescendingly. "Although... don't assume that actually makes you interesting. For being unexceptional, you are exceptionally boring."

Raven let out a rough laugh and eyed him disdainfully. "Like you're so fascinating? You have to be the biggest stereotype of a villain I have ever come across and then suddenly you're some rich and respectable business man who leads a double life."

Raven scoffed and reopened her book. "Not only boring, but tragically pathetic."

Slade slammed a pan down on the stove and considered not making a second helping of food.

"The only purpose for having a _double life_ is to hide a side of yourself society doesn't find acceptable, that doesn't mean I have another life. I know who I am."

Raven didn't bother looking at him as he spoke, she rarely did. It was disrespectful and that was the message she hoped to get across. "I'm sure that's a nice way to justify it. I have a demonic side and manage to control my need to hurt, what it your excuse?"

He grunted and continued cooking and asked a question that came out unexpectedly. "What exactly did you expect when you discovered who I really was?"

She looked around once at his living arrangement. "To be honest I expected…something more elegant." She wanted to say pretentious, but that seemed a bit harsh, even for **him**.

He surprised her with an amused smirk. "You mean a mansion with a grand staircase, dozens of old vases and tacky artwork, millions of rooms."

She gave and indifferent shrug and nodded. "Something like that."

She watched him sigh and look up to the ceiling as though he were reminiscing. He paused before finally confirming, "Well you wouldn't be too far off. Once all that excess did appeal to me, but I've learned to appreciate comfort and simplicity since coming back from the dead." He threw her a look as if he blamed her for that. "What about you, any changes in your lifestyle since coming back from hell?"

He didn't ask because he actually cared, it was merely to make conversation and see her flinch at the mentioning of _hell_ or her father. She didn't betray any such fears though, perhaps she really was different.

She kept a cool even gaze on him. "I think the only thing I do differently from before is I appreciate my life and my friends even more."

He rolled his eye bored with her cliché answer. "Of course," he spat sarcastically.

She barely glanced at the meal he set before her at the coffee table, as soon as he started to leave a thought went through Raven's mind. It was a bit of a low blow, but Slade had no issues hitting below the belt.

"Must be sad to have no one in your life?" she said sweetly. Ah there! She had his full attention again. "Doesn't it ever get lonely? Don't you ever wish you had done things differently?"

He narrowed his eye lowly at her. What was she trying to do? "What? Convert to a life of good and miss out on trying to kill you and your family." He could turn this around if he got her angry, threatening the Titans was the easiest target. When she didn't answer right away he decided to answer her instead. "Wouldn't trade a second of all the pain I've inflicted on you for anything else."

Instead of griping of old grudges and wrongs he had committed, Raven simply smiled condescendingly, to which he could only frown at as she spoke readily at his answer. "I take that back, of course you don't regret the lack of companionship in your life; must suck even more to know that your life's goal of defeating the Titans has yet to be succeeded."

The pride and glory in her voice was all that reverberated through his memory and he left her alone smiling in the living room while he stormed off to his bedroom to beat the shit out of his punching bag.

* * *

"How was this round?" he asked somewhat enthusiastically, as though he had high hopes for her. The man had misguided faith.

Raven licked her lips contemplatively. "It was…different."

He nodded for her to go on, but she didn't. "Different how?" he pushed. "Did you engage with him personally, did you discover anything new?"

Raven squinted her face recalling the evening. "Not really." Again she fell silent as she often did with him. She wished she had the words to describe what had happened. She didn't know why she had done that. Why she sought to anger and hurt Slade, she hadn't even realized what had all happened until later.

What had brought that side out of her?

Dr. Greg had gone quiet as well. His client was too gone in her own thoughts to answer him today. "If you'd like we can talk about something else entirely, just for now."

Raven didn't meet his eyes, opting to look out the window and answering, "Sounds good." She didn't want him to know that she had stooped to Slade's level, she didn't want Dr. Greg knowing anything about them.

"My friends are worried about me and Terra."

"Do they have reason to be worried?" he asked passively.

Raven hesitated before answering. "I don't want there to be one, but I can't be dishonest within myself and act as though I can treat her as someone I trust or respect."

"Have you given her the chance to be worthy of trust or respect or are you depending on her to do something extraordinary, perhaps unrealistic for someone who how has proven to be secretive and troubled?"

"You think I'm being unfair to her?" Raven accused.

"It can be hard to be forgiving when you still harbor memories and feelings of betrayal, but if she's to be your teammate and part of your central family then you need to learn to respect her even with her faults."

Raven could barely even forgive herself with her own faults. Truth be told she was just waiting for the day when Terra would run out on them again, at least that's what she was hoping for now.

She didn't share that with Dr. Greg, it sounded too cruel.

* * *

A/N: Really, really hope I update soon. No promises but I will try! Thank you for those who have stuck with me or have even read this story. Thanks a million.


	15. Bittersweet

A/N: A small break away from Raven and Slade, Raven and the Titans, and time to finally force a confrontation or revelation between Terra and Raven.

* * *

Chapter 14: Bittersweet

She knew she had to change things and change things fast. After having Robin and Cyborg confront her, her place on this team was at stake.

She wanted to stay with the Titans this time, she loved them, maybe not in a conventional or normal way most people loved others. Terra had never been conventional or normal.

When the Titans had first invited her into their home it was the first place she saw the promise of anything permanent, something stable. It had been foreign to her and welcoming and yet she had no way of connecting to people in a way that she could show them the same sense of respect.

Her life had been of survival, the first threat of anything being taken from her prompted her to run or attack. Most people were fight or flight, Terra was both, whether it was rational or fair to those around her didn't matter, it was all about self-preservation.

Her need and want for stability and control had ultimately forced her into the arms of a dangerous man, who not only promised her a future but guaranteed it with control over the city in exchange for her powers. Terra had signed over her free will and sense of what little humanity she had left.

The only thing that had been different and largely significant was Beastboy and his unconditional love and need to save her from herself, which Terra hated admitting that she had needed all along. She needed a team to teach her right and wrong, she needed a family to keep her grounded and focused; otherwise she was still that same old Terra who could betray people at the drop of a dime.

She loved the Titans and yet she couldn't bring herself to love Raven.

It wasn't as simple as Raven not willing or able to trust her, she had blown that opportunity long ago and frankly Terra didn't believe she deserved it. Everyone should have their guard up around her. She was more powerful than she allowed herself to be because she didn't want to overstep her lines in this new world where the laws were so different.

She hated Rave for changing the laws, she hated Raven for sensing that she was holding back, she hated Raven for bringing Slade back into her life, she hated that she needed Raven to be with the Titans, but she mostly hated Raven for that night when they captured Slade.

The worst part was Raven didn't even remember it, Raven had no idea and she never would. And for that she hated Raven all the more for the new and horrible secrets and lies she would have to hide forever.

All to stay on a team and with people she did love, yet how could she love the Titans fully if she didn't embrace Raven at some point?

Raven had returned home looking just as tired as always. Terra knew first hand how tiring and challenging Slade could be. How Raven had maintained some sanity within his presence was commendable and suspicious to Terra.

As sick as it was she considered herself the closest to Slade aside from Robin. Raven wasn't so much close to Slade as she seemed personal and connected to him. Beastboy had divulged a few details to her during the events of Raven's prophecy and it had made Terra slightly sick.

She knew Slade to be a particularly cold person, and what he had done to Raven had stepped into a whole new category of sadistic. She understood Slade had done it with purpose and reason, it was the way he had done it which seemed a bit over the line for him.

He did have a special and different kind of relationship with Raven separate from the rest of the Titans, and Terra was willing to bet that was why he had been so intent on killing her. She knew why he now wanted her alive but that would always be a secret between Terra and Slade.

Such a shame the dynamics of their relationship had remained the same, but Terra preferred her relationship to Slade than the one Raven seemed to be forming with him.

She took a deep breath and headed to the living room where Raven had entered.

* * *

Another night another outfit to inspect and criticize. Tonight she had worn a denim jacket with a green v-neck shirt and black jeans with matching boots. Slade told her she looked like some vegan eating, cafe going, art reject.

She didn't know why she kept wearing everyday clothes when she knew Slade was going to be looking her up and down and commenting on every color, shape and detail of her attire.

_Perhaps that's why you keep wearing theses clothes, you're dressing up for him. You're trying to get his attention._

Raven went numb realizing that was her lust talking, that was the reasoning behind her continuing to dress which she knew would lead to more quarrels with Slade.

An old familiar tightness came at Raven's chest so rapidly her breaths soon went choppy.

She put a hand to her chest feeling a swelling panic unlike anything else she had felt before. _What's happening to me?_

"Are you ok?"

Raven spun around to see Terra nearly face to face with her and let out a shocked gasp quickly pulling her emotions back in before something exploded or went flying across the room. "Don't do that! Sneaking up on people is suppose to be my forte."

Terra smirked at her with a sharp gleam in her eye. "Yeah I know, I can't think of a time your phasing in though a room hasn't reminded me of a phantom or ghost."

Raven arched an eyebrow at her, surprised she was actually quipping back at her with equal sarcasm.

"Seemed like you were freaking out for a second," said Terra regarding her with a careful eye.

Raven sneered at her and started taking off her jacket, it suddenly felt too warm in the room. "You'd know, wouldn't you?"

Terra didn't respond to Raven's blatant comment as she stepped closer to her and unexpectedly tugged her jacket back onto her shoulder.

Raven nearly staggered at how close Terra suddenly was to her. "You might want to keep that on, me and you are going out tonight."

Raven stood there squinting at her in extreme confusion. "You, me and Starfire?" she asked as though it seemed impossible for just the two of them to be together.

Terra looked at her with a calm and knowing expression. "Nope, just you and me. Our teammates want us to bond." Terra walked towards the exit-way of the tower and looked back at Raven over her shoulder. "So let's bond."

* * *

Privacy wasn't hard to find near Jump City if you knew where to look. The island that Titans Tower rested on was only one of many.

There were many mountains and peeks surrounding the city that often blocked clear views of the ocean and it's many little islands and peninsulas.

Raven and Terra had flown around the night sky looking for one with just enough earth to disrupt and destroy.

It wasn't as difficult as either of them had expected. When they both worked at it they were rather good at keeping their mouths shut to prevent a fight and were able to engage in some fun.

Power fun, but none the less... fun.

Raven had to admit it had been a while since her powers had gotten a challenging work out and Terra was finally revealing what she could do.

A huge bolder weighing several tons levitated a few inches above Terra, although it took some strain it was obvious her endurance was not yet met.

"I don't ever want to have to use this much force, I hope I never will."

Raven couldn't come down hard on her for wanting to be careful. There were a few abilities of her own she had used one too many times.

"I know you're trying to be careful, but it would help if you told us as well," Raven said trying not to sound condescending.

Terra made a quirky face and replied, "I'm still practicing this whole being open and fully honest thing."

Raven gave her a closed smile, one that said she understood and judged Terra for her flakiness.

Terra laughed at Raven's expression reading it all too well. "I know, I know, I'm not the most dependable person in the world but I'm hoping the Titans can enforce some better qualities in me."

There was a heaviness still surrounding them, something Raven needed to ask.

"I understood why you felt the need to betray us."

Terra looked back at her seriously. She flung the bolder into the deepness of the ocean and waited for Raven to continue.

"But why Slade? What kind of qualities did you find worthy in him to become his apprentice?"

Terra faced the ocean which lay still and dark except for a faint moonlit reflection and occasional rustle of wind.

"Well it works towards Slade's advantage if you're already a weak and fearful person." She looked up at the stars as if she were reimagining it all. "To meet someone that powerful and sure of himself...I guess I just wanted to be part of something bigger than myself. At the time the Titans would've been enough, but when I thought you guys might kick me off for lack of control I... I got angry. Slade recognized that in me as well, and he made me all the more powerful through that anger."

Raven noticed the glint of a tear falling down Terra's cheek. She was being as honest and vulnerable as she could be with Raven and both of them realized how hard it was.

Terra sighed and sat down on the ground, hugging her knees to her chest. Raven sat next to her in her usual lotus position.

They both remained quiet until Terra finally said something that her been on her mind as well.

"I know it's none of my business, but I think I should tell you...Slade doesn't see you the way he saw me and Robin."

Raven shifted uncomfortably and nodded calmly. "Yeah I know...but I still don't know how he sees me. I don't know what he wants from me."

Terra smirked at her and lay fully down on the ground as though it were the most comfortable thing in the world. "Maybe the question isn't what he wants from you, maybe the question is, what do you want from him?"

Raven grinded her teeth, she decided not to answer Terra's enquiring question. Her thoughts or feelings towards Slade didn't matter so long as she didn't act on them, and she was not going to give Terra the satisfaction of acting on her weakness the way Terra had acted on hers.

Raven decided to lay next to Terra as awkward as it was, she would keep trying with Terra even if that's all it would ever be with her. Trying.

"Do you remember how it felt, when you first felt fully accepted?" Terra asked still keeping her eyes on the stars.

Raven glanced at her with a curious eye.

"Yes. I find it hard to forget such a pivotal moment in my world where I was always told that connection was impossible unless I remained in Azrath. Yet even then I knew the way the monks looked at me, the way my mother looked at me... I knew they feared me." Raven exhaled heavily and gripped a fistful of grass beneath her hand, ashamed of what she was about to admit. "That's why I never told them about my father...or my prophecy... I didn't want them to be scared of me."

Terra finally looked at her deeply in the eyes and replied. "They must've figured out you were part demon at some point. If that wasn't going to scare them off what makes you think anything else would?"

Raven snorted and regard that notion quickly. "Well I suppose that's the reason why we have to be friends with other supreme beings, aliens and extreme human beings. They can handle anything." A wave of sadness washed over Raven. "Regular people just see you for the threat you are."

Terra sighed and swallowed thickly as an equal wave of sadness seemed to wash over her. "You forgot to mention the other types of people able to handle people like us."

Raven knew what Terra was going to say. She just wished she didn't have to say it out loud.

"Psychopaths, deviants and evil men. They know exactly how to get us, trap us and actually make you believe they're your friend...or worse...you're master."

Raven shuddered suddenly feeling cold. "Or your messenger."

Terra didn't say another word and neither did Raven. The night hour went by in a fog as the both of them lay under a black star lit sky and let the tragic bittersweet history wrap around the two of them in a most unusual bond.

* * *

The next day Raven arrived at Slade's home dressed in a plain grey shirt, black shorts and tennis shoes. As usual Slade looked her up and down but didn't say anything to Raven until she was getting ready to leave.

He snickered loudly right as she reached the door causing her pause and look back at him unexpectedly. "What's so funny?"

"You're dressed like Terra."

There was a sickly sweetness in his voice and injection at the comparison between her and one of his former victims that it caused a sudden protectiveness in Raven towards not only Terra, but for herself as well.

"Fuck you Slade." She slammed the door so hard with her powers that she heard the fine wood door crack down the middle. She hoped whatever damaged she left would cost him a good chunk of fortune.

When Raven got outside and the cold air hit her face the old tightness and shortness of breath came hard and sudden that Raven felt an immediate sense of impending doom...even though nothing was happening to her.

Her knowledge knew what it was, it had a textbook definition for what was happening to her, but her better sense and brain weren't taking over as her body felt like it was suffering an episode of trauma.

Raven bent at the knees and inhaled and exhaled sharply and deeply as though she were hyperventilating. Her heart beat harder and harder, her head was spinning fast and turbulently.

She suffered through it until it seemed to finally pass in one heavy downfall and she let out a choked cry as her heart finally went back to normal and her breathing was easier.

The whole ordeal lasted less than a minute, but to Raven it felt like hours and the reality of what she had just experienced had her trembling the rest of her flight home


	16. The Panic

A/N: Sorry! I'm so glad to see I have more readers, hoping to get more chapters up for you guys soon!

* * *

**Chapter 15: The Panic**

"There was a moment between the two of you."

Raven kept her eyes on the carpet, staring at the checkered pattern in a spaced out concentration. She had to keep her eyes focused on something, keep still. She felt that if she moved too much her body would react as before and she wouldn't be able to stop it.

"Yeah...Terra and I actually bonded."

Dr. Greg looked at her studiously, it was obvious she was holding back, but years of experience gave him mastered patience in dealing with withdrawn and secretive people.

"So what is it that's upsetting you?"

Raven exhaled slowly and shut her eyes, trying to stave off the need to lie, to hide something so shameful in her mind that Dr. Greg would probably diagnose and dissect within seconds.

But there was no way to really avoid it, if she really couldn't handle doing this job anymore than she would have to be suspended, it was the responsible thing to do.

She almost scoffed at the word _responsible_ before finally seething out, "It's not the fact that I bonded with Terra that's distressing me," Raven murmured finally taking her eyes off the floor and looking Dr. Greg seriously in the eyes. "It's what happened afterwards that has me worried."

He didn't say anything, just sat there waiting for her to become centered enough to admit specifically what was troubling her.

"I should have seen it coming, I should have been able to repress it and recognize what was happening to my body," she exclaimed hurriedly.

"What has been happening to your body?" She could tell by the infliction in his voice that he already had a few guesses as to what she was leading to.

Raven rolled her eyes annoyed with the flashbacks of the times she thought she could've been getting sick. "I guess I've been having some anxiety lately with everything that's been happening to me, shortness of breath, feeling like there's some sort of impending doom, rapid heart beats..." She looked away from him and shook her head in embarrassment.

"And last night it finally hit me all at once... like I couldn't breathe, like I couldn't get rid of this feeling of dread...and this time I couldn't make it stop...it felt like I was dying." Raven didn't want to go into further detail, just thinking about it made her heart race.

"You had a panic attack," Dr. Greg stated knowingly. Raven noticed the pen in his hand scribbling vigorously.

She swallowed, feeling as though he were writing her ticket to a one-way suspension.

"Yes..." she whispered.

He suddenly put his pen down and folded his hands together getting ready to deeply engage with her, Raven felt extremely vulnerable in the way a kid suddenly realizes they're about to be confronted, but it was too late to turn back now.

"You've never had a panic attack before," he said thoughtfully. "And this happened after you bonded with Terra after months of feeling untrusting of her and being around a man who you hate and forced to interact with."

Raven was waiting for him to say something she didn't already know, something concrete and solid for her sudden instability.

Instead he kept throwing more questions at her. "What were you doing before the panic attack happened?"

She grimaced as she admitted, "I was cursing at Slade after he tried to insult me like he always does."

He raised his eyebrows slightly. "What did he say?"

Raven shrugged her shoulders as though it wasn't important. "Nothing, he compared me to Terra, he said I was dressed like her. I got mad, stormed out and before I knew it I was gasping for air."

He nodded and just when Raven thought he was going to finally get to the point he made another assessment. "Had you ever experienced this level of anxiety before with him, like when he was working for your father and hunting you down?"

The way Dr. Greg said _hunting you down_, made her feel like she had been prey at one point.

"I didn't have time to feel anxious, I already knew I was going to die, I already knew the end of the world was coming, why bother trying to feel anything about it when it's all going to end."

"But you did have people you cared about enough to save. You did recently come to care about Terra, and your future and time with Slade is unknown to you...so you have a panic attack."

Raven looked side to side, not following.

"It doesn't surprise me."

Raven blinked once and arched her head forward as though she misheard him, but Dr. Greg stared back at her undoubtedly sure in his words.

"It doesn't surprise you? Is there something about me that indicates I'm a person with anxiety issues?"

He didn't waver as her voice grew defensive. "Not an anxiety disorder by any means, but an inability to deal with stress in a more healthy way yes."

Raven suddenly became mad, she felt as though he were describing a person that wasn't her.

"I meditate everyday, I drink herbal tea, I eat well, I exercise..." she didn't know why she was making a list in order to prove her point, what exactly was she trying to prove, just how together she was?

Dr. Greg only stroked his chin and regarded her rant with a quick argument. "All to **suppress **your emotions, not to deal with them."

Raven had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from raising her voice. She wanted to get up and leave right then and there. "What exactly are you trying to make me do? Express all my emotions and end up destroying the whole city?"

How many times did she have to repeat herself to him? How many warnings did she have to give people that her emotions were dangerous? Why did no one seem to believe her?

Dr. Greg only unfolded his hands and touched his elbows to his knees trying to get through to Raven in a rational way.

"Raven... you're not incapable of feeling. You are able to express yourself without your powers becoming dangerous. You've been learning to do that for years now, that's not the problem."

There was something dawning on her, some sort of truth finally coming through that she hadn't allowed herself to see as Dr. Greg laid it out blatantly to her.

"That's the excuse you use to defend your way of closing yourself off to being vulnerable, scared or rejected."

The accusation hurt her almost immediately and he was right, as soon as he said it Raven could already feel her old habit of closing off come into play. Just lock it up and pretend it didn't make you feel something.

"You were taught all your life that _any_ emotional response too strong was negative, your natural instinct is to refuse anything that might become too real to you."

_Until the Titans_, she wanted to say, but even so...with them she still kept them at a distance. She loved them, but only so much that it was still comfortable for her.

Seeing that he had finally got through to her made Dr. Greg settle back in his chair. "It doesn't surprise me that after years of keeping everything locked up, that this level of stress would start to break you down and cause you to build up so much anxiety that you would have a panic attack."

Raven sat rigid as a board before finally asking her next big question. "So how do I stop it from happening again?"

The way he looked at her told her that she wasn't going to like the answer. "Most people without an anxiety disorder might have a panic attack only a few times in their life. However, if you don't start learning to better deal with the anxiety and feelings you've been accumulating recently you could develop a disorder and continue to have multiple panic attacks."

Raven's eyes went wide with dread. Dealing with a panic attack more than once? How could she know that she would start losing more and more control?

"So what do I do?" She wanted to have an answer, a solution so simple and clean that by tomorrow she would be ok.

He held up his hands to her in a calming way. "I can't guarantee or say if this will happen again, but in your case it likely will. So when you do start feeling that anxiety, start to breathe slowly and deeply and don't block those feelings."

Raven squirmed at the idea of just letting whatever she was feeling to just be.

"Let whatever you're feeling just run its course. When your body needs to release that emotional stress and you try to stop it... it finds other ways of getting out."

Another thought occurred to her that scared her even more. "And my feelings towards Slade good or bad... you want me to allow those to feelings to just be as well?"

Her lust, her need for him, would that continue to grow stronger too?

He seemed to read her mind. "When an emotion runs too high, we only have a few options, we either express them and they may start to wane, or we start to act on them."

That wasn't on option for her and they both knew it.

"If your emotions towards Slade are negative or harmful then I suggest you don't act on them, but don't pretend they don't exist. Sooner or later you'll have to find a way to forgive him if you really want to be rid of these feelings you've developed. You can only feel something for so long before it needs to change."

They were nearly done with their session, but it didn't matter to her as she finally did storm out leaving Dr. Greg sitting alone in his office.

_Forgive Slade? Forgive Slade! _

When Raven finally got home Robin asked her how her therapy session went. "I'm never going back there again," she promised.

* * *

It had been a month. No real panic or anxiety since the last and yet Slade hadn't really given her anything to feel.

Since she had told him to fuck off he seemed to have grown passive of her, still cooking her meals but mostly staying in his room.

Her lust wasn't getting near enough interaction as she would've liked, and even her near non-existent social self had been feeling neglected. She knew he was deliberately holding out, waiting for her to either apologize or normalize whatever dynamic they had had going on before.

Yet she couldn't accept the possibility of Dr. Greg's recommendation towards allowing her feelings to take course and her finding the strength to forgive him. What then? What would drive her afterwards to still see him as an enemy if not her hatred toward him?

_A sense of right and wrong, a sense of upholding the law and protecting the people from the kind of threat he is. _

Raven pounded her fists against her head as her Intelligence spouted an objective stand point, her intelligence agreed with Dr. Greg, her rationality knew it to be true.

_Screw Dr. Greg, and screw anyone who thinks I can't control my emotions._

This just wasn't an area of herself that she was willing to compromise. Call it stubbornness, call it a lack of willing to move on, but it was something she just couldn't let go of. The way she felt about him, even the newfound lust, was a part of her now and she wasn't about to just set it free like it was something that could be so easily tossed away.

Maybe being around Slade in this constant silence would be fine, nothing to feel if there was nothing to react to.

"Dinner."

Raven gasped as Slade's face appeared over hers. She'd been lying on the couch so wrapped up in thought she hadn't even realized he'd been cooking.

He walked to the kitchen without looking back to her. He settled himself at the kitchen island preparing to eat dinner with her for once.

She eyed him cautiously as she herself sat across form him surprised to see a bottle of wine open. She's seen a few rather expensive bottles but never witnessed Slade drink any of them, she assumed they were part of a collection.

Yet there he sat taking a few sips eyeing her over his glass. Without even asking her, he pushed the glass her way.

Raven watched as the dark red liquid sloshed from side to side in the glass orb and picked it up gingerly. She sniffed the aroma and took a tentative sip surprised at how dry and strong it was.

The bitter taste must've read on her face because Slade took back the glass regarding her with a smirk. Her head buzzed slightly realizing how his fingertips had grazed hers when he took the glass from her hand.

"You don't drink."

She looked down at her plate not really eating. "No."

He shook his head as though he should have known better. "Afraid you might like it too much? The way alcohol seeps into your blood, getting you drunk, causing you to lose control?"

She pursed her lips tightly together hating that he had broken the comfortable silence between them. Over and over that was being thrown in her face. Her need for control.

She looked up at him defiantly trying to keep the shaking out of her voice. "No, just never took a liking to it, alcohol just never agreed with me."

He gave her a look that told her he didn't believe her. Why would he?

It was obvious to anyone that it had been her first time trying an actual drink.

Normally a lie was a lie to Raven. Slid off her tongue so easily that she often forgot what she was saying wasn't true, but because of Slade, Dr. Greg, and the realization of how much she actually did it rushed through her head all at once.

Raven couldn't breathe.

She suddenly felt her heart beat, **hard** within her chest.

She tried taking in a breath and it halted like a sharp jab into her throat. Her head started spinning and swimming and her face went white hot with sweat.

_No, no, no…_

She didn't want to be like this in from of him, she didn't want him to see her like this.

Slade eyed her with concern as her demeanor suddenly shifted to one he'd never seen on her.

Raven adverted her eyes frantically as she shakily stood up. "I'll be back." He stood up with her.

"**No sit down!"** she shouted at him as she rushed out of the room.

Slade calmly sat back down as he watched the young women flee from the room.

Raven rushed outside to the terrace and slammed the doors behind her practically collapsing against its frame.

She squeezed her eyes shut and heaved heavily as the air continued to not reach her lungs. She quivered as her pulse raced unnaturally, her eye sight was blurry and her mindset faint.

_Breathe slowly and deeply_, Dr. Greg's words reverberated in her mind.

She took in a deep breath and held it with all might before releasing it again. She repeated and repeated before starting to feel worn out and mildly calmer.

This was too physical for her.

Never had her emotions taken over her so heavily that she had no way of calming her body, not even when the end of the world had come upon her world had the ability to recollect herself become this impossible, and yet here she was.

In the presence of Slade and having a panic attack.

All of the shit he had done to her, why couldn't she just let it go like he had? Why was it so easy for him to forget and let go.

_Because he wasn't the one who got hurt_, intelligence spoke to her. _He's not the one who had others to consider and he's not the one who had a horrible fate set before him against his will. Everything he did to you, he chose to do it._

_Why do you keep doing this?_ Sadness cried out painfully to her. _It isn't right! You're allowing yourself to be hurt by him? You know he's not going to change. _

_Shut up! _

Her emotions finally died down and hushed themselves.

Raven finally felt her heartbeat return to normal and her skin cool against the cold night air. Her eyes were steamy with tears and her lungs released in great joy as the air seemed to finally reach into them.

She sighed tiredly as she returned inside thinking to herself, _I can't do this._

She walked past Slade muttering out a quick "I'm leaving,"

She still had 15 minutes left of the night she was suppose to be there, but Slade didn't say anything or try to stop her, instead he noticed how she had foolishly left the balcony doors wide open.

Yet what was even more interesting was one of his outdoor metal chairs was melted down to a piece of scrap and still smoking hot.

"Interesting," he murmured to himself getting up and closing the terrace doors, careful not to let his leg with the ankle monitor step outside.

* * *

A/N: I'm a big psychology buff so I've read many texts, articles and suggestions when it comes to anxiety issues and panic disorders and the most helpful thing I've learned is to not deny any emotion your feeling. The mind and body can only stay in one state for so long before it has to switch to something else and trying to avoid any feeling that's asking you uncomfortable only in turn makes it worse because it's like stopping something that needs to finish what its doing. Action is what makes things dangerous or harmful, so rather than act on impulse or let it get to the point of disorder or addiction, you need to admit that its there, let it sit, and know that as long as you breathe and keep moving forward that eventually the feeling will subside. The reality is your emotions are not really hurting you and you're not dying but you are causing yourself more trouble by not actually dealing with it and admitting that you're not feeling well. I'm not just making stuff up for Dr. Greg to say, I really do put a lot of thought into the therapy sessions and hope they are believable. Review!


	17. Hand To Hand

A/N: I don't know how this chapter got so damn long but hope you enjoy it!

* * *

**Chapter 16: Hand to Hand**

Raven lay propped up against her pillows facing the window with Terra next to her. Something unspoken seemed to pass between them when she had come home last night looking paler and weaker than usual.

Terra hadn't asked permission to enter Raven's room and yet she hadn't stopped her either. Right now she just need someone with her, to not ask questions and to have a basic idea of the kind of man she was dealing with.

Neither one of them had a full capacity of their individual relationship with Slade, just the knowledge that it wasn't something to be taken lightly or without caution.

Either way, Raven's time with Slade was nearing her endurance level. One could only be around him so long before he broke you.

"What are you going to do?" Terra suddenly spoke.

Raven looked tiredly as the sun started to peak over the horizon. Already tomorrow and already a few months into being Slade's probation officer. She lasted longer than she thought she would've.

Raven shrugged her shoulders. "Suppose I'll talk to officer Berkley at the end of the week. They suspend me and have Robin monitor Slade for the rest of the year."

Terra didn't look at her but Raven could see a worried expression cross her features. "I don't think that's a good idea."

Raven furrowed her brow and looked at her confused. "Why? Robin's been wanting to be the one to monitor him since Slade's sentence. He's the leader of the team and he should be the one designated to do it."

"Well that's just the point," Terra said finally looking at Raven. "Robin wants to be around Slade so badly that he doesn't realize how weak he becomes around him. He let's Slade get into his head, makes Robin forget he has a team to look after."

Raven wanted to argue with her, wanted to state that Robin had better self-restraint these days but she wasn't so sure she believed that.

"Robin's a good leader, but when left without others to command he becomes an easy target because he's too eager to please and be a good hero that he forgets what he's doing, he loses himself."

"I feel like I'm becoming weaker around Slade," Raven admitted. "What am I suppose to do when I start losing myself?"

Terra gave her a small smile before saying assuredly. "I don't think that's going to happen, I think Slade reminds you of who you really are and that scares you and you think that makes you weak."

Terra moved her face closer to Raven's and whispered to her, "You shouldn't be scared though. He can't use anything against you if he already knows it all."

Raven looked at her dubiously. She found that hard to believe and stared back at the window a thought occurring to her. "Have you been talking to Dr. Greg? Our private therapist?"

She furrowed her brows a little surprised but said, "No, but I've been meaning to. Beastboy says he's really good at his job."

Raven sighed and collapsed her head back so she was staring at the ceiling. "Yeah...he is."

* * *

_Practice. _

That's what she had to keep telling herself, over and over again. Allowing herself to feel whatever she was meant to be feeling which was surprisingly overwhelming. She already knew what her emotions were, letting them quell and release was another subject all together.

Her usual routine of meditation was now disrupted by the rumbling and falling of objects around her, it was a nuisance, but a necessary one if she was going to be able to exert some of her emotions. It did however force her outside so she wouldn't damage her room or anything else in the tower.

Lowering walls to give her emotions some freedom was a lot to handle right now, but Dr. Greg had been right, she was able to do it and it was helping. So far...

Time would only tell how long and how far her emotions would be able to continue on this way.

"How do you feel my friend?"

Starfire often shared meditation time with her more often than most realized. Patience and restraint was also something Starfire wanted to better improve within herself, but right now Raven wanted Starfire there as a safety net. Starfire's strong resilience made her the best choice of restraint in case anything did get too far out of her abilities.

As far as Starfire knew she was just helping her friend get a better handle on her powers. No one on her team had to know about the panic attacks just yet.

Raven breathed out slowly identifying her Lust filling her body with unusual and near delightful sensations. Raven felt overly warm and excited, but she didn't try to fight or deny it. As strong as it was she wasn't worried about losing control of body. As interesting as Lust was, she realized it too was complicated as were many of her other emotions.

The Lustful nature of her was deprived of affection and touch, the need for sex was a secondary thing. Sex was a physical thing, attraction and desire was much more mental.

Attraction for Slade came from him prowess, confidence and ability to do things without remorse, it was a jealousy thing when it came to her more corrupt side that he could act so easily on those emotions, but she had compassion and love towards others so the practice of her evil desires was not worth it nor who she wanted to be, but that didn't mean the desire wasn't there, as strong as her attraction to Slade was she quickly realized the desire to act on it was incredibly faint.

"I'm good Starfire, thank you." Raven let her feet reconnect with the floor and was aware that her natural rhythm was already polarizing itself. She allowed a huge sigh of relief knowing that the meditation had taken much longer than usual and was grateful Starfire had stuck with her the entire time. The sun was starting to set.

"I'm glad your further testing your emotional limits and boundaries," Starfire said enthusiastically. "I hope you will be able to further express yourself without the fear of your powers holding you back."

Raven shrugged, not as excited as the alien but glad she was supportive.

"We'll see, these things can't be rushed. I need to go slow if anything I do will last." She knew regressing was one of the biggest things to overcome with any new emotional or physical change, but she had a good start.

"I hope to be of more assistance you in the future," Starfire said with hopeful eyes. She really did love helping her friends, she derived great pleasure in seeing them happy.

Raven had a hard time picturing what Starfire's emotional selves looked like. She was sure they all ranged from bright and annoying to headache inducing with their sensitivity and openness.

Raven had an urge to reach out and put a hand on Starfire's shoulder, instead of ignoring the want she allowed herself to go ahead and do so, much to Starfire's delight. "Thanks Star."

Raven immediately regretted doing so when Starfire wrapped her arms tightly around Raven, near crushing her as usual.

"OK, ok Star. Can't-breathe."

Starfire quickly released her looking bashful. "Oh yes. my apologies I'm still practicing the learning of my strength."

Raven shook her head and smiled warmly at her friend. "You're getting better and better Star, keep up the good work."

Again Starfire beamed at Ravens compliment, but her smile fell half way when she looked at the sky and realized it was getting dark. "And you continue your good work with watching our enemy. I believe it is time for you to go and see him again."

Raven realized it was indeed time to go. She took a deep breath and allowed herself a moment of dread before taking off.

* * *

Something unusual and strange was happening. There was always a low energy within Slade's home but today was different, very different.

For one the cops watching Slade's home were standing outside their squad car eating fast food and looking as laid back as ever. Almost as though they were getting ready for a relaxing night.

She was tempted to question and scrutinize their work ethic but decided she didn't need to get into any more trouble with law enforcement.

As soon as she entered the building and came closer to Slade's door she could hear a commotion, a rustling around as though he were moving around frantically.

Reaction took over and Raven lunged for the door handle only to have Slade swing it open causing her to gasp and stagger backwards.

"Thought you'd never make it."

He turned his back to her leaving the door wide open. He was packing clothes into a duffel bag.

"Expecting to go somewhere?" she asked suspiciously as he continued to gather what looked to be gym gear. She felt as though she should prepare for a physical fight, but Slade's cool and calm body language told her something else.

"Not _expecting,_" he shot back condescendingly. "I plan on going to my gym for training today."

She opened her mouth to protest only to have him cut her off.

"I have permission."

Permission? Did she not get the memo? As she continued to stand in the doorway flabbergasted Slade rolled his eyes and waved some papers in front of her face.

She quickly recognized them to be court documents, and sure enough, Slade had been granted permission to go out in public for one hour as long as Raven accompanied him. His ankle monitor would be deactivated for the allotted hour she was there and then reactivated at the end of the hour. Meaning she had to get him back home in time before it set off any warning bells.

"Call it parole rights for good behavior," he said smugly getting ready for her to accompany him out in public.

A fit of anger overcame her as she crumpled the documents in her hands and threw them to the floor hard. She gritted her teeth and sighed loudly through her nose, hating her government more and more.

She couldn't stand being this stressed anymore, the physical anxiety was creating too many problems. She had no proper outlet for this built up energy. Her powers wanted to unleash itself onto everything and everyone.

Especially Slade.

He gave her the same look he had the other night when her panic had overtaken her. His observant and gazing eye was watching her so closely that her body went warm with embarrassment. She was frazzled, distracted and stressed… and it showed.

He quietly picked up the wadded document and unraveled it as smoothly as he could. "At least it will be a change in scenery, besides my own home gym is kids stuff compared to the place we're going, luckily its just right down the street" he added placing the document in his gym bag. He wasn't expecting her comply with the rule or not, he was going to take advantage of his new luxury and she was going to have to watch as he walked out in public as though he were another innocent citizen.

She looked at him desperately as she continued to block the doorway. Her feet were glued in place as he tried to walk around her, he wanted to get out before his small and precious time was up. When she still didn't move he gazed down at her unaware that their bodies were a mere few inches apart.

"I can't do this," she practically pleaded.

He pushed past her with his large shoulder. "You don't really have a choice in the matter," he called walking down the hall already knowing she would follow.

* * *

Of course he owned his own gym… and of course his ownership hadn't been revoked since it was one of the most used gyms for extremely serious athletes. The gym was so advanced and rigorous that you had to have a specific type of insurance in order to become a member.

There were fighting rings and cages, there were bars, beams and floor mats. The free weights didn't go below 50 pounds, the climbing ropes stretched beyond 30 feet, and the punching bags weighed more than the average man.

Slade hadn't been joking on his little home gym as "kids stuff" compared to this place. Naturally many of the members recognized him. What further fueled Raven's bad mood was how each of the members respected and approached Slade as though he were a long-time friend.

It made her sick inside that others couldn't see him for the monster he was. In fact in the whole time she had been in the gym she felt the looks of confusion, disapproval, and disgust aimed directly at her.

She could feel the negative emotion start to flood and she had to shut her eyes and take in a deep breath to silence it all.

_Please, please. Not again, not here._

She started to worry she would have another attack. How messed up could she be if she was having anxiety about having anxiety?

"You need to move."

She opened her eyes and looked up at Slade staring at her. Since when had they agreed upon him being allowed to be so close to her? In fact why had he thought it ok to physically push her earlier?

"Excuse me?" she seethed now becoming pissed off. "What did you just tell me?" Neither one of them noticed all the curious stares aimed in their direction. It seemed at any moment that everyone would get a front-row show to an actual battle, not just some sporting event or newscast.

"You sitting around and moping like some pity case is **not** what this place is for," there was such a sternness in his voice that she nearly shivered, it was quickly replaced with anger.

"And what exactly do you expect me to do? Act like a fucking steroid induced maniac trying to destroy my body?"

Slade shot a look to all the eavesdroppers which quickly scared them all off.

"It's called work out, something your pathetic fighting skills could use."

She noticed he was wrapping his hands as though he were actually preparing for a fight. Did he honestly expect her to get into a fighting cage with him? The thought must've read on her face because Slade glared at her almost as though he were offended.

"I'm not going to beat you to death in front of my clients, that would be unprofessional."

She bit her bottom lip hard at his cold bluntness, what did she expect from him? Of course he still wanted to kill her on some level. Maybe he could unleash some of that desire by tossing her around some more in his own personal gym.

She was determined to sit there, yet her Anger and Bravery were craving the need for physicality.

Slade eyed her impatiently. "Are you going to join me or not?"

He tossed the wrap beside her as though he were waiting for her to wrap her own knuckles. Raven almost wished she had her regular uniform, today she had dressed very plainly, cargo pants and a black tank top with a sports bra and tennis shoes. She could easily be geared for a fight but she still didn't feel comfortable with the odd request.

"Why? So you can victimize me some more."

He rolled his eyes at her already getting ready to leave her there. "Please, you're hardly the victim here my dear."

She snapped her head towards him in shock. "**Really**?" How could he dare pretend to be the victim in their whole relationship?

Again he only scowled at her reaction. "You knew what your entire life would lead up to, you knew you would die and your father would inherit the earth. I had no other options, either spend eternity in limbo or try to get my body back by being an errand boy. I degraded myself for your father and now I have lost my right to privacy."

Raven looked at Slade in disgust, her opinion of him felt even lower than before. "Oh that's so tragic. I'm so sorry you hunted me down, tortured my friends, and have now forced me in your company for the next year. Now you want to round it all off by indulging in a _friendly _sparring match?"

"I never said it would be friendly. The way you fight would hardly be fair." Even though he was now walking away from her towards one of the fighting rings Raven knew he was still coaxing her.

"I'm not going to be baited by you Slade." She said defiantly finally standing up and once again gaining everyone's attention with her outburst.

Slade turned to grin at her with a cruel smile. "I think I already baited you perfectly when I led you to your death four years ago."

Without even thinking Raven rushed him and just as quickly ended up on her back in the fighting ring. As she tried recovering from the intense pain radiating through her back she heard Slade say over her, "And try not to cheat using your powers, this gym cost a lot to build and I don't think the Titans would appreciate having to pay for any repairs."

Within a course of an hour Raven felt more bruises and bumps covering her than she could imagine. While she panted for air and constantly wiped sweat from her eyes, Slade barely broke a step or seemed to have to try very hard. But he had to give her props for one thing, her endurance level was far higher than he anticipated.

She was also quick to learn from her mistakes, he wasn't able to use the same move on her twice, and try as he might to get her angry enough to turn the match violent, she did indeed treat it like an exercise. She was actually holding her own with him which he was starting to respect, but it was getting tiring that she wouldn't submit already.

As she tried to throw another punch at him he grabbed her forearm and used the weight and momentum of her body to throw her against the steel fencing which she quickly bounced off of despite her best efforts to keep standing.

"You're going to hurt yourself if you keep going this hard," he said seriously. She was nearing the point of exhaustion and looked bout ready to kill over.

She dismissed his opinion with a snide laugh. "What do you care?"

"I don't," he mocked defensively aiming a fist to her head which she caught into her own tiny hands and jerked him sideways into the ground, she turned his arm round and gave it a sharp twist. He hissed in pain at the sudden jolt she gave him and soon realized that they were no longer in his gym but now in his home.

She must have transported them back somewhere between the pain and surprise of her managing to get one over on him, it left a fowl mood to his ego.

She released his arm and disappeared into the bathroom retrieving a small hand towel which she began to dab herself with. "Sorry but our time's up and I need to be getting home."

He looked at her with a strange sense disappointment that they couldn't keep going. "Afraid the Titans will worry if you're not back before your curfew?" he asked bitterly.

Again she laughed at him, he couldn't decide if it was mocking laugh or out of actual amusement, either way it made him suspicious. "It's not me who should be afraid if the Titans start to worry." She looked at him with a warning eye that made him a bit wary of her.

She should be beyond fatigued right now and yet she was walking around as though she had been revitalized. It made him wonder how much not being able to use her powers had actually been a good thing for her. Perhaps he was actually making her stronger.

She tossed the hand towel at him which he caught in one hand as she started to phase out of his home saying a gentle, "Till next time," and leaving him there alone once again.

Even though he now had an hour of freedom to be outside each day, he now felt a new sense of entrapment, instead of breaking Raven's resolve, she had actually risen to the challenge and challenged him. He was going to have to think harder.

* * *

A/N: Not sure this is where I wanted to go with this chapter but hopefully the next one will have a more complex tone like I originally intended. Please review! Love reviews!


	18. Connection

A/N: I've gotten more personal time available to me finally and realized through my re-reading just how many errors this story has; so I'm going to be doing a re-editing, therefore all updates may not necessarily be a new chapter. I apologize to those who have had to put up with it but I tend to rush and get too excited about posting before doing a proper proof read. Anyway... hope you continue to love the rest!

* * *

**Chapter 17: Connection**

Raven felt the same way about technology as she did about black magic, it was evil in disguise. A few hours after Slade and Raven had their first cage fight there were videos posted all over the internet of it.

Naturally everyone had a comment or two, but no one could've reacted more intensely than Robin. Because of her healing abilities the bruises and bumps from the fight were not terribly visible when she got home, it hadn't helped her though since within a few hours there were postings on all media outlets. Robin was angered that she had neglected to mention it, but that wasn't the real issue.

The issue was Slade being allowed to go out in public for an hour alone with Raven and Raven enabling his violent side. Raven had tried to argue that had been like a training exercise and that she had actually learned more of Slade's physical weaknesses, but Robin wasn't hearing it.

He half-ordered, half-dragged Raven to officer Berkley's office where he ranted and raved for an hour.

"It is inexcusable! Allowing a dangerous mastermind roam free for an hour with only one Titan to supervise him. It puts the lives of the citizens and the life of a Titan in danger."

Officer Berkley looked up at Robin with a bored expression. "Listen...I am nearing retirement, I've spent the last thirty years going from a rookie cop, to sergeant, to captain, to the head of all the police forces of Jump City. I do not have anymore energy to worry or discuss this current issue that isn't even an issue."

Raven could feel the long years of intense hard work coming off Berkley, he was fatigued but authoritative, there was no fighting this. The man was set in his decision and was too headstrong to be persuaded otherwise.

"And what happens when it does become an issue?" Robin fought stubbornly. "What happens when he tries to break free during these outings he's been allowed to have?"

Berkley arched his eyebrows upward in mock concern. "Well gee I don't know, why don't we ask Raven what she thinks about that?" He fixed his gaze on her. "Raven you've been with Slade every day for an hour these past months, does it seem to you that Slade is plotting an escape?"

Raven felt herself being placed in the hot seat as Berkley and Robin's eyes turned on her and waited for a direct answer. She knew what Robin wanted her to say, she knew what officer Berkley expected her to say. Either way she decided to be as honest as possible.

"There is always a risk of possible escape when it comes to a criminal like Slade, however I have no probable cause or evidence that he is currently planning to do so. In fact I think he may be planning to ride his sentence out to the fullest."

There was a look and feeling coming from Robin that put Raven on edge, it was more than being in trouble, there was a sudden hint of distrust coming from her leader.

* * *

"You're starting to get too comfortable."

Raven sighed loudly wishing they could enter the tower already, but Robin insisted they hash out their problem now in privacy. The roof of the tower seemed to be the one place where him and her had bonded the most, they both enjoyed the peacefulness of the view and the quiet of the ocean. The serenity of the view however did little to clam Robin.

It wasn't just the fact that Raven had willingly put herself in harms way by getting in a sparring match with Slade, but the fact that she seemed so convinced that he was not as big a threat as Robin still believed.

"What do you want me to be? Constantly on edge and in fear that he's either going to attack me or make a break for it?" She didn't try to remain calm or composed. She felt utterly frustrated by the way Robin was treating her and wasn't about to combat that emotion.

Robin wasn't sure how to respond to it. He approached it as cautiously as he could trying to rationally explain his concerns. "Raven your job is to make sure he's not going to do anything against his parole or confinement, not to be his fighting partner. How am I suppose to react to that? The only time Slade involves someone in his life is to groom them to be his next apprentice."

She knew it was disrespectful but she had to laugh in patronizing way. "He is _not _interested in me as an apprentice, believe me I would know."

"Well then what is it?" he asked seriously.

Raven clamped her mouth shut and only shook her head warily at him. "I still don't fully understand it myself. He's just interested in me... but he already knows I won't work for him, maybe... maybe he just likes toying with me."

This seemed to only infuriate him further. "Then why are you letting him?"

"**I'm not**!" she paused and allowed herself to take a deep breath, just because she was mad didn't mean she had to yell. "I'm just playing the game. He's challenging me and I have to prove I can rise to the occasion."

Robin rarely touched her, he knew she was put off by it. He wasn't an affectionate person, not even with Starfire as much as he tried; but if he felt like he was going to lose someone it was as though Robin had to physically hold onto them as though they would vanish into thin air at any moment.

He had grasped onto her hand right before her death four years ago as a final act of desperation, it was an act that said he would never let his friends or allies go.

Now he grasped her shoulders and looked her seriously in the eyes. He was scared, scared he was losing her to Slade. Although he didn't know how or when it would happen, he felt like he had to save her. "Raven... you cannot engage in games with him, you can't get confident or foolish because **you will lose**."

Raven removed his hands from her shoulders firmly and swiftly. "_You_ lost, you couldn't handle it when he pursued you. You're worried I will suffer the same fate, but you should have more faith in me. I'm not as weak as you think I am."

She walked briskly into the tower not bothering to wait for his permission. He was her leader but he wasn't in charge of her decisions or motives. She had to see this through, she had to finish this year with Slade, whether Robin liked it or not.

* * *

The seasons were changing and summer was ending. Jump City rarely got cold, winter was short with little to no snow and yet Raven always had a difficult time staying warm during this time of year.

The cage fights had helped her keep warm the past few weeks.

* * *

"I don't think that's a good idea."

The very next day after their first visit to the gym Slade was adamant on returning again.

"Too defeated from our last romp?"

The way he said _romp _sounded ambiguously sexual, she knew he did it on purpose to make her embarrassed but she did her best to ignore it.

"No, just not too keen on being recorded and posted on social media networks. I swear the internet was created by the devil."

"I wouldn't worry about that, as far as taking videos or pictures within my gym, it will be considered a violation of its rules and code and anyone who goes against that will be thrown out."

He had meant it too. Naturally more people were there when they arrived, already posed with their phones ready to capture some more of the action between a hero and villain in unusual circumstances.

Slade had snatched a phone out of a random persons hand and crushed it to pieces warning them to leave with a dark and menacing voice.

The gym had all but emptied after that and although Raven should have stopped Slade from destroying someone else's personal property she had rather enjoyed watching all the tech freaks scurry off in fear. It made her feel more secure knowing no more videos of her and Slade would be posted everywhere for the public to scrutinize.

* * *

From there, their newest interaction was to beat the hell out of each other every day. Raven had never been in better shape in her entire life and yet having been around him this long had started turning their dynamic into a more personal one.

They had gone from being comfortable to talking down to one another to becoming comfortable in fighting with each other, but always within a safe setting.

She hadn't been back to see Dr. Greg in a while and she was starting to feel like she might have to go back to discuss more things with him about her supposed hated enemy.

Because of the law they had been put in such a controlled environment that Raven now wondered how this would change their interactions when he was free again. Would it change anything?

All of this raced through her head as her body collided with the mat for the thousandth time today.

He seemed more intent on pinning and putting her into holds than he seemed last time. Last time had been far more aggressive and forthcoming, this time he seemed more focused on wearing her down with his weight and upper strength.

Raven had little experience with having to get out of such tight holds and feeling trapped since her powers allowed her to phase through objects. However Slade had already made it clear that she was not to use her powers, it hardly seemed fair since he was such a mastered fighter and she was below average. Even with her powers she knew she'd still be severely disadvantaged, Slade was just that good.

But she was learning, twice she managed to get out of his holds and she was really learning her threshold for pain. Unlike all the previous times Slade was also speaking to her more than usual.

The way he was talking to her was a tactic to further distract and derail her and it was harder now to keep fully in the fight and not use her powers.

He was currently on top of her with her arm twisted behind her back, as though that wasn't painful enough he was also applying pressure to her wrist waiting for her to tap out with her one free arm which was serving her no good.

Having all of Slade's weight pushed on her back while her stomach and face pinned at the floor was making her feel suffocated. She tried using her free arm to help leverage her body upwards to get some more air but Slade was far too heavy.

"Curious, did you ever apologize to the school and the one student whose car you destroyed?" Slade's face was right next to hers and she tried not to shiver as his breath hit her ear.

She tried to use her legs to push herself forward underneath him but he pushed his knee into the back of hers which quickly stilled her. She had to take a moment to catch her breath.

"Yes actually. Even if it was **you** who started the destruction, there was no reason for me to stoop below myself." She winced and grunted out as Slade's pressure on her wrist began to strain further.

"How ironic that you're now below me." Again he got close to her ear and practically purred in her ear. He was enjoying this, she could sense it.

In all the time she had spent with him this was the first time she had sensed any kind of attraction or desire, but she did not mistake it for a genuine interest in her. She imagined very well that Slade was a very dominant lover. The fact that he was now dominating her in a very physical way spoke to his libido.

Although her Lust was thoroughly enjoying the return of attraction, her Bravery was more front and focused on survival and escaping the excruciating situation she was caught in.

She panted heavily resting her head to the side, feeling a pool of sweat form between her skin and the mat. "Careful Slade, my therapist might suggest you're developing a sick fascination with me."

She didn't know why she said that, but she regretted it soon after. He jerked her arm tighter which made her shoulder and elbow roar. She moaned and had to clutch her fist tight to keep from tapping out. "Is that what you talk about in therapy, me? I think it's pretty obvious who's obsessed with whom."

His desire for her burned down a bit with the playful accusation of him being fascinated by her, but she knew she didn't have to argue her case, she could read his emotions and he knew it too. The revelation of her knowing had made him uncomfortable. He sat up and continued to keep her arm trapped.

Raven was relieved that some of the weight was off her back and was actually able to lift her chest off the mat to get more air. "I'm not the one who specifically asked for your company, and I never claimed to trust you."

She felt Slade get even more tense. That was something else that had been wandering in and out of her mind. She had been so focused on figuring out why Slade had requested her to monitor him that she nearly forgot one of the reasons Berkley told her.

"Why do you trust me Slade?" she asked looking off nearly afraid to look him in the eye. Her arm barely hurt anymore since she was sincerely asking him for an honest and direct answer for the first time ever.

Anything before hadn't been so need-to-know as now, she could guess and wonder forever why Slade wanted her within his home, but to trust her? A Titan who hated him and was his enemy. How could he trust her?

Slade finally released her arm actually breathing a little hard, but she doubted it was form their physicality. He continued to stay seated on her contemplating how to answer her.

As Raven tucked her arm beside her and waited for the pain to subside Slade finally gave her an unsuspected answer. "Because _you_ would never be able to kill me."

Raven spun around so hard that she managed to bring her body fully facing forward and lifted herself upward so her face was nearly meeting his. He still didn't remove himself from her and to anyone else the position might appear very compromising. It was however an intense face-off as Raven glared at him viciously.

"**Yes I could, I could rip you to pieces and lose very little sleep over it Slade**."

Saying his name felt strange...no it felt different, much different than it ever had before.

His answer had reeled her more than she could imagine. He trusted her because he thought she was too weak to finish the job. He trusted her lack of ability and lack of coldness to actually pose any real threat. Maybe that's why he had targeted her when she was alone. He thought she was the easiest to dispose of all the Titans.

First Robin and now Slade, no one believed her strong enough to deal with him and that accusation hurt her ego. That was why he wanted to spar with her so badly, he liked reaffirming how powerless she was. He was taunting her.

As she continued to stare daggers into him, Slade narrowed his eye back at hers and got so close to her face Raven actually shrank back at bit till her elbows were the only thing propping her up; making their position even more compromising.

"I'm well aware you _could_ kill me. What I said is _would..._you wouldnever be able to kill me."

He finally stood up and left her there speechless on the floor. "What?" She practically gasped now more confused than ever. "That makes no sense! You don't know that I would never be able to kill you!"

His answer was impossible to comprehend. She almost felt as though he were toying with her. But Slade seemed to be adamant on his answer as her began collecting all his things.

"Let's just say I know certain things about you that you don't."

_Does he know I'm attracted to him?_

"So you believe I would never actually kill you and yet the rest of my teammates... Do you have that kind of faith in them?"

The answer was so simple. Terra had already killed him once and Robin lost his temper all too easy when in his presence, yet she had just as many reasons if not more to be able to end his life.

She wasn't sure how to think or feel now. There was no explanation or evidence to his claim and it was obvious he wasn't inclined to give it.

"Let's finish for today."

Raven looked at him quizzically, they had twenty more minutes left to be out and about. "Why so early? Not enjoying my company anymore?" She knew she was pitching at fit, but she couldn't help it. The way he left her unsatisfied made her blood boil.

He glared at her, "You're implying I enjoyed you're company at all."

She gritted her teeth together wishing that didn't make her mad but it did. She transported them back to his penthouse and turned on her heel towards the bathroom. "I'm going to take a bath if that's ok with you."

She didn't wait for his permission, she felt more than entitled to do as she pleased in his home at this point. She was drenched in sweat and rather not go back to the tower reeking and smelling of him. She wanted nothing more than to clean herself of him completely.

The privacy of the bathroom was greatly needed. There was a warning bell going off in her brain that told her it wasn't an honest answer.

Slade was challenging her more and more, she had to be careful with her reactions to his accusations. Whatever his endgame was, he obviously wanted her to lose control.

The fact that he implied she would never kill him was in itself a dare. He really was trying to get her to kill him so he could make his escape through her. Her anger could easily be her downfall.

Despite it all... if what he said really wasn't true, why had it upset her so much? Was it because she really was starting to connect with him in a different way?

She knew that she was the one who had changed her views and feelings towards him and that was why her better judgment was so clouded.

She felt her eyes get moist. Why was she so surprised? Why did she expect him to feel any kind of connection towards her in any humane way when all he was doing was manipulating her?

Whenever she made a connection to _anyone_ it felt nice just being able to do so. It made her feel less empty. Now she was no longer connected to Slade through just hatred it was many other emotions too, and to not have it returned in the same way made her feel abandoned and unwanted.

Raven had never experienced true rejection like this and yet she knew she had proven herself wiser and stronger by not letting Slade use her emotions against her.

She sighed feeling more tired than she could ever recall. By the time the tub had filled it was scathing hot... just the way she liked it. She removed all her clothing and slipped into the fine marble tub which started to work all her tense and sore muscles out.

The steam from the heat make her hazy and she wrapped her arms around herself and drew her knees close to her chest, savoring the warmth and ease she felt within Slade's home.

It did feel good, she couldn't lie to herself. Yet this comfort wouldn't last forever. Sooner or later this duality between them was going to end, she wasn't sure if this thought upset or relieved her- maybe a little of both- but she knew more than anything it had changed her.

Raven laughed an ironic and sad little chuckle. How pathetic that she had actually brought herself to like things about him and feel differently about him and wishing he would do the same in return.

_Well... He does still hate you. You two do still share that emotion. _

She rolled her eyes. The problem was that she wanted more. How stupid of her to want anything more than what they had. How very stupid considering he was going to return to his old ways as soon as this was done. How like a girl she was to wish for him to change.

She let some tears fall as she continued to laugh at herself some more. If only Dr. Greg could see her now He would be having a field day analyzing her up and down and reasoning with her and explaining where all of this had come from. She knew she could figure it out herself, but for now she just wanted to forget everything and soak in the large tub for the rest of her night forced here.

She closed her eyes and slipped into darkness until a sharp knock startled her awake.

"You should have left here fifteen minutes ago," Slade's voice called on the other side of the door.

Realizing the water had now gone lukewarm, Raven scrabbled out of the tub rushing to get her clothes on, not bothering to towel off.

"Need any help?" he asked teasingly beyond the door.

Having dressed in record time Raven swung open the door and stood before a surprised Slade as she answered, "Sure, you can drain out the tub for me." She felt a mix of emotions swell off him as she transported out of his home and rushed back to her own.

As soon as she got back she sent up an appointment with Dr. Greg as soon as possible.

* * *

A/N: You have no idea how many times I rewrote and reshuffled things around in this story. Hope it made sense, but overall I feel the mood is leading in the right direction and I feel like I'm leading up to the big reveal of some pretty heavy things. I also really want to make it clear that what Raven is wanting is just a different relationship with him, not a romantic one, just a different one now that she sees qualities in him that she does like she wants to keep seeing more, but of course that's not likely to play through with a man like Slade. Please review and tell me what you think.


	19. If Only

A/N: So sorry about the late update, I was really excited about this next chapter but my personal life has been a real mess lately between work, my family, and even at home. Needless to say I've needed time to regroup and thus far everything seems good and neutralized again, so back to work as usual! Enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter 18: If Only**

She remembered once believing that the Titans would be the only ones to ever be close to her, that no ordinary person would ever take the risk of befriending a superhero.

She had been right and wrong, she had gotten close to someone outside of the Titans, but that someone was far from ordinary and worse yet he was her enemy.

Over and over she asked herself the question, would her and Slade be so close had it hadn't been for this verdict, had she not been forced to spend an hour with him each day? Better yet would they be even less close had her father never resurrected him from the dead and given him the task of pursuing his daughter?

When she had still been a child she had looked into her future. She had seen the world in stone, she had seen the pre-warning of what her fate would be. She hadn't seen him, but she had felt someone there with her.

It wasn't her father, it was a man. A man who had wrapped his hands around her arms and forced her to face all the doom and destruction around her, someone whispering in her ear, "This is the future...**your** future."

Had it been from day one that her bond with Slade had already been predetermined?

She didn't know how to answer any of those questions, it was pointless to ask and even more pointless to wish or wonder.

What had happened, intentional or accidental, had been the furthest thing she thought imaginable for herself and someone she hated.

Her session with Dr. Greg seemed foggy in her head now.

* * *

"Being close to someone doesn't always mean caring or liking them, some of the most influential and important people in our lives can be the ones who hurt us the most."

"But why?" asked Raven exasperated. "Why connect yourself and who you are with something that's so...toxic and wrong for you."

Dr. Greg nodded as though agreeing with her. "It is strange how we cling to things or those who cause us the most harm. Subconsciously we punish ourselves or self-destruct in moments of weakness, but it is a part of our identity and history, and you have to embrace and accept in the best way you know how."

It was logical and rational talk that was much easier said than done, psychology and psychiatry was so amazing at making the most complex situations seem so simplified, yet taking actual control of it and changing it was near impossible.

Raven sighed heavily and cast her gaze down thinking of things she shouldn't be. Dr. Greg seemed to read her thoughts as usual.

"How often do you visualize yourself in a compromising situation with Slade?"

She didn't want to answer that. She worried he would report her and she'd be terminated from being Slade's probation officer. Six months ago she would have wanted nothing more, but now that she had started this newfound connection with him she needed to see it through to the fullest, otherwise she'd be left feeling cheated.

She all but sneered at Dr. Greg. "I don't know, how often do you visualize yourself selling information about your patients, or how about all the patients you've lied to trying to save? What about the compromises you've made?"

She was deflecting and she knew it, but while she expected Dr. Greg to ignore her passive aggressiveness like he usually did, he surprised her.

"I've always maintained a professional level with my clients but my personal life... not so much. I've been unfaithful in all of my marriages, I barely see my children, I've battled alcoholism since I was twelve and on more than one occasion I've questioned my ability in being a good psychiatrist and therapist when most of my patients have relapsed or stopped coming to see me."

Raven's jaw went weak and her empathy was clouded by the regret and mournfulness of Dr. Greg's story. She hurt for him and she knew that his work was the only thing that mattered in his life, that was why he was so good at it. It was also why he was so miserable.

She licked her lips and breathed in and out slowly. "I've imagined... What if?" She admitted sadly.

* * *

-_Raven's Thoughts-_

It always started the same. Her Lust growing stronger and overpowering her intelligence and resilience, and him always knowing, somehow sensing her weakness and attraction to him.

Some nights went by with unusual silence, as though they were prolonging the inevitable, or fighting it, she didn't know which was worse.

They both hated each other and yet driven to each other. Yes even he was attracted to her, it started off as a small annoyance that would bloom into full obsessive lust, the need to dominate her.

For her it would be the need to be taken by him. It was a deluded fantasy of him having her in a completely different way from her birthday, one were the experience was willing and pleasurable as opposed to terrifying and unwanted.

Somehow the thought of him bringing her physical satisfaction absolved him of the emotional damage he had inflicted on her and make them even. He had already taken away so many precious things from her, what was one more? And was it so wrong that she at least enjoyed it once?

In so many ways the message was becoming more and more clear to him and what she was asking him.

"It'd be hard to imagine you being accommodating to anyone."

She had been initiating their conversations more and more. It was like a dare, seeing how far they could push each other's personal boundaries before becoming too compromised.

"I'm accommodating when I need to be. Just because my personal relationships are few and over doesn't mean I haven't left my mark on them, you of all people should know that."

She paused to swallow. It was a habit she did when she started becoming uncomfortable. "When you did target me...I felt vulnerable and scared. I could sense you enjoyed it, you like victimizing your opponents."

He considered this for a second before skillfully responding, "And the demon in you admires that."

She did admire it. She liked when criminals feared her, it made her feel like she accomplished something, felt like she had done something meaningful and worthwhile.

Yet she knew it was wrong. morally it was not useful or effective to scare people into obeying the law, and yet for her job it seemed to be a tool. Wasn't that Batman's real power?

Unlike Batman though she actually did have the ability to put the fear of the devil into people, it was something she took advantage of too often. Slade used fear to get what he wanted out of people too.

But she also knew things about Slade that he was too stubborn to admit out loud to her.

"And there's something in you that admires me," she replied evenly.

His only eye narrowed at her warningly, she was crossing the fine line they had both drawn, and his menacing glare was one that told her she had better stop now before she did something she would regret.

"What possible significance could you have to me?" he asked coldly. "You weren't the only victim, there was Robin and Terra before you, and how do you know that there won't be more after you. I don't need to give you any explanation of my feelings towards you when you already know what they are."

She stood up swiftly and flew up to him so that they were eye level to each other, he didn't so much as twitch as he stood his ground with her. "Knowing what something is and knowing _why_ something is are two completely different things, and you don't feel the same way about me as you did your other victims... I am different."

He didn't give her any response, he merely lifted his hand to her face and caressed her ear, to her cheek and finally to her lips. All Raven could do was look back at him weakly and slightly tremble.

Her Anger and Intelligence sparked back alive. She seized his hand in hers with impressive strength as she growled at him, "Don't."

It was too late.

Instead of stopping, Slade moved his hand out of her grip and started to caress her hand. She started striking at him with her other hand only to be overcome with her desire that soon turned into pulling him closer to her.

"Slade stop, please stop."

Her mouth would be pleading with him but her body was more than willing and more than urging him on. And it wasn't her own Lust causing her to do so, it was his. His was so strong and needing that she could do anything she wanted to him, she owned him in this moment.

By the time it would be done they would both be worn and tired from the act and Slade's home completely destroyed by Raven's powers releasing itself in powerful bursts of pleasure.

And when she'd return home, instead of feeling guilty and dirty like she should, she'd feel more alive and awake than she ever had. She'd enjoy having been with Slade like that in the most purist and sinful of ways.

* * *

Raven tried not to look at Dr. Greg shamefully, yet she sensed no judgment from him. Being in his profession he must've been use to confessions and secrets as odd as this, if not odder.

She imagined people hid sexual desires more than anything because of how personal and uncomfortable society seemed to be with sex in general, how dark, twisted and extreme it seemed to be viewed.

How often had she read about Sigmund Freud's analysis of sexual behavior and wanted to roll her eyes, yet the terrifying truth was some of his ideas weren't always too far off. Sometimes they just weren't always obvious, even to criminals who she'd come across on too many occasions with sexually devious ways. Sexuality was a powerful and dangerous thing, so much so it often made her sick and yet here she was fighting with thoughts and wants many would find horribly disgusting.

"So you've fantasized about being with him in a more intimate way."

She nearly retched at the word _fantasize_. It was such a prepubescent word, such a childish and immature activity of foolish wanting and lazy self-indulgence.

Dr. Greg could see just how angry and uncomfortable she was, but he had to keep going. "Does this embarrass you?"

"Of course it embarrasses me." she snapped. "I've only wanted this man in jail more than any other villain I've fought, I've only experienced pain from this man and here I am entertaining lustful thoughts about him!"

Dr. Greg wrote something down on his pad. "Have you ever experienced sexual feelings towards an enemy before?"

"Once, but it was before I found out he was a dark lying dirt bag." She stared intently at his note pad as he wrote carefully and precisely. Raven's fingers tightened and she finally asked irritably, "What are you writing?"

"Notes," he answered simply.

She gritted her teeth. "Yes, I know that. What kind of notes?"

He gave her half a smile. "You're smart, you should realize every doctor has a profile on each of their patients, in this case a psychological profile."

Raven had a couple of words run through her head: Unstable, detached, messed up.

Dr. Greg as usual figured out what was running through her head. "It's not always how you think it is. Most of it is generalization of my observation and time with you, my professional opinions as well as notes for how I should be conducting our time. It is not a personal assessment."

Raven wanted to tell him she didn't care what he thought of her, but they both knew that'd be a lie, so instead she kept her mouth shut and ran her hand through her hair. "I'm not sure this is healthy, these new thoughts and feelings."

"Your relationship with Slade now or ever has never been healthy, you need to remember your role as a superhero and not engage in these feelings, are you starting to feel like your thoughts are going to inhibit your actions?"

She paused and remembered how a few nights ago she had pinned Slade in one of their fighting matches and how he had actually smiled up at her in admiration and how much she had been proud of achieving that emotion from him.

Having him being physically drawn to her made her feel better not because she wanted to be attractive in his eyes, but because it proved he was just as weak as her. Having him fall in love with her would prove him weakest and make her the winner.

But how far was she willing to compromise herself just to prove a point?

She didn't know what made her so special as to think that one time with Slade would drive him to obsession. She hoped on some level that sex was a weakness to him as to most men. How many times had history shown the falls of men due to the lust and obsession to acquire what they couldn't have?

It was a fantasy she enjoyed more than all the others, more than the crossing of forbidden lines, the physical pleasures or secrecy. Him falling for her in a way that shamed him greater.

She realized she had left Dr. Greg's office without ever answering his question.

* * *

_-Raven's Thoughts-_

The days would progress with even less needed talk than before as the usual ritual of becoming absorbed in each others bodies commenced. He would grow hungrier for her each time, needing to touch and push into her more aggressively than the last.

She always seemed to outlast him, always seemed willing and more capable of trying anything new despite her inexperience. He would be worn and tired after each round while she seemed aglow and buzzing. It angered him to no end.

And on their last night together he would finally ask.

"How exactly do you plan to treat this?"

They lie in bed together naked, her head on his chest staring absently into space as though she wasn't fully there with him, as if her mind was elsewhere and almost bored.

She shrugged and answered, "Simple, like it never happened."

He raised a quizzical brow at her. "Like it never happened?" he asked disbelievingly.

"You sound surprised," she stated emotionless.

He was surprised, he was beyond surprised that she was treating it as though it were nothing, when at the time it seemed so pinnacle to her.

"Most women don't treat their first sexual experiences as though they never existed. There's always a first time, and a first time is always important because it's the start and loss of something for everyone," Slade rationalized, still not able to fully digest her earlier statement.

"I'm not most women Slade," she replied lowly.

He continued to gaze at her in quiet observation, trying to get a signal, a sign, or a slip of her poker face, but there was nothing. "No I guess you're not," he finally spoke stroking her hair lightly as she continued to lie with him.

He didn't know why this bothered him but it did, he didn't think something like sex would leave her so unchanged, so unimpressed. His thoughts must have been written on his face because Raven let out a small laugh when she raised her head up to look at him.

He furrowed his brow and glared at her. "And what- may I ask- is so funny?"

She shook her head amused. "Just how all you men think you're so powerful, and how you all believe that sex is some great emotional breakdown for women, and that you can walk away unscathed."

Now she was pissing him off. "Technically you did breakdown, you broke down to your desires."

She nodded at him agreeable. "Yes and now that I've full-filled those desires I no longer have any real use for you."

His hand curled into a tight ball, he never had such a strong urge to hit someone. "Are you trying to imply that you used me, because one can argue that I got the better of you and did the same."

She only gave him a curt smile and arched an eyebrow. "Technically we both used each other, the only difference is now I finally realize how insignificant you are to me as I am to you."

She needed him to know that she didn't care for him deeply enough to ever protect or comfort him. She needed him to know that even though he was a part of her, that he was unwanted part, that the greatest pleasure she received from him was the ability to use and hurt him.

He contemplated a while before speaking what he wanted to say out loud. If he really was never going to be with her like this again, then what did it matter if he did tell her?

He finally worked up the courage and said, "And what if you're not insignificant to me? What if I did feel more for you than just the need for sex or causing pain? Would that change anything?"

She would rise from the bed in all her glory, run a hand across his face and caress her thumb over his eye patch saying, "If only."

* * *

_Yes if only, _thought Raven for the hundredth time after the end of her fantasies. If only it'd be that easy to walk away from him in such a sad and pitiful state. He had done it to her on her birthday when he'd ripped her bare and vulnerable, it should only be fair she could do the same to him.

But she wasn't like him, and she was not about to compromise herself to that position of manipulation and coldness...but she could always wonder...

Slade looked up at her from his dinner plate as she looked back at him in intense focus. He looked at her curiously. "What?" he nearly demanded, wanting to know what she was thinking.

She only sighed and shook her head, turning her attention back to her own plate. "Nothing."

* * *

A/N: Chapters 19-21 are being worked on right now! I'm thinking this won't go further than 25 chapters, but we'll see. Thank you to all my latest followers and readers I will try not to disappoint.


	20. Confessions

**Chapter 19**: **Confessions**

* * *

There were days when the Titans seemed very far away. It always happened here and there ever since she joined the team. She didn't know if it was because she still felt so different, or because of her isolated childhood, or if it was because she was naturally a solitary creature; but there were days when the Titans just seemed to be background that wisped by while she became consumed in her own thoughts.

She was into six months of monitoring Slade and was no closer to finding answers. She felt something new growing in him, a feeling he was carefully repressing. She already knew what it was.

Planning.

He was cautious, calculating and determined. It was the usual emotions he always emitted and yet they were more intense than before, although he guised it well.

She knew she had to report it soon. However, her current need for longing prevented her from doing so. She needed him to think he was safe, she needed him to start becoming more comfortable around her so she could not only nail him in the act, but so she could get out of him whatever it was she was searching for.

Maybe she was waiting for forgiveness, maybe she was waiting to see a vulnerable side to him, maybe she was testing herself and waiting to see how far her emotions could go towards him.

Whatever it was, she somehow knew that she wasn't going to last the whole year with Slade. Whether it was his escape or her breakdown, it was coming soon.

Raven looked out across the waters of Jump City as she had hundreds of times before, and it always seemed when she was feeling her farthest that one of her teammates pulled her back.

"Raven."

She blinked herself out of her trance and turned to see Beastboy smiling sheepishly behind her. "Sorry, didn't mean to interrupt."

"I don't mind," she replied honestly. "I was just contemplating over the future."

His ears perked up as he looked at her both anxiously and curious. "Yeah...how's it looking?"

She sighed as the sun glared painfully in her eyes. "Too soon to tell."

He seemed doubtful of her answer and began to fidget nervously. "Well it's funny that you mention the future...because I've been thinking about that too."

Raven looked at him a bit surprised and alert. It was rare he ever got this deep with her and she knew it was something she had to really absorb while it lasted.

"What is it Garfield?"

Having heard his name gave him the confidence to continue. "Well it just seems like you and Terra have been getting along ok, and it seems like she's really going to stay with us for good, so I just wanted to know..."

She felt her stomach sink slightly already guessing what he was going to say. "Wanted to know what?" she pushed impatiently.

"What do you think if I asked Terra to be my girlfriend? I mean I really care about her, hell I might even...well you know."

No Raven didn't know. Falling in love and being in love were two completely different things and having not ever experienced that level of love she didn't understand how couples claimed to love each other when most of it seemed so superficial and fake.

As far as she could tell Beastboy was infatuated with Terra, he had preconceived ideas of who she was, what she felt and what their life would be like together. He had no idea if it was worth all his energy or if it was really forever. How committed and devoted would he be once he started to realize just how flawed she really was?

Whatever true love was, Raven had come about it all too rarely in people to even remember what it really was. Giddy happiness, adoration and obsession was not it. Passion and infatuation didn't last long, and whenever it ended Raven sensed a coldness and lack of respect in people towards their partners, it was sad.

Loving someone meant loving them for all they were, putting them above yourself; and even after the peak of love, still being able to make sacrifices. That was love, Beastboy had no way of knowing so soon if he really loved Terra or not, it wasn't possible.

But then again he wasn't asking if she thought Beastboy loved Terra or not, what he was actually asking for was her blessing.

Instead of relaying all the true thoughts and feelings she felt on Beastboy and Terra's so-called relationship, Raven just answered, "Do whatever you feel is right."

Beastboy seemed to beam at her response and was nearly compelled to hug her but didn't want to ruin the moment.

"Actually Terra and I are going to go see Dr. Greg together today."

Raven barely caught herself before she rolled her eyes and blanched. Couples counseling for a self conscious shape shifter and a self preserving earth controller. "Well if anyone can help you two fix unresolved issues... it'd be Dr. Greg."

Raven quickly flew off before Beastboy could see the hurt expression in her eyes.

* * *

"Glad you'd recommend me."

There was a joking manner in Dr. Greg's voice, one Raven did not appreciate given how tense she was.

"It's absurd," Raven said sternly. "He really believes that she's going to commit to him someday and that we'll all be one big happy family in Titans Tower."

Dr. Greg studied her cautiously. "Isn't that the ultimate goal? That one day you can consider Terra family and that perhaps she is perfect for Beastboy."

Raven sneered and looked out the window trying to contain her disgust. "Perfect? You call advising someone as naive and loyal as Beastboy to be in a relationship with someone as manipulative and dishonest as Terra, ideal? You can't actually be serious in counseling them through a relationship, it's a terrible ploy on something that's not going to last. "

Dr. Greg gave her a deep understanding look, closed his notepad and leaned forward in his chair. "What is it that truly has you angry? You know after all our sessions together that all relationships are less than ideal and in some cases are even unhealthy. What Beastboy is doing is recognizing the realities of his personal relationships and seeking to make them better. What have you done to fix your personal relationship to Slade, how have you dealt with your reality?"

Raven couldn't say anything, she felt like thick glue was in her mouth and had to swallow twice to speak again.

"I **have** been dealing with my reality. I have accepted my role as his parole officer and admitted to myself that I have feelings that go outside of that role," Raven stressed out her sentence as though she were on trial. But Dr. Greg only shook his head at her as though she were missing the point.

"You have conjured up this desire and pathological need to have him return feelings for you that don't serve you any purpose other than getting even for past offenses he's committed to you. You have not accepted the reality that he is not going to full-fill anything substantial or meaningful for you by becoming as vulnerable as you are now!"

Again Raven felt defeated even further. She buried her face in her hands, it wasn't Beastboy or Terra or even Dr. Greg she was mad at. She was mad at herself for wanting something unattainable in a man she knew would never give her, she was mad at herself for being jealous of Beastboy and Terra being able to find it so naturally.

She was mad at herself for being allowed to be mad about something so ridiculous.

Dr. Greg sighed and reopened his notepad. "In reality...what did you expect a man like Slade to feel for you at the end of this sentencing?"

Raven looked up at him numbly, shrugged her shoulders and honestly answered. "How can a psychopath feel anything?"

He slowed down his writing and gave her look she'd never seen before. Something about that look told Raven this would be the last real session they'd have together.

"I'm going to talk to officer Berkley about possibly re-appointing someone else as Slade's probation officer."

* * *

For the next few days Raven was quieter than ever. She didn't sleep well, she didn't eat much. Her sparring matches and training sessions were mechanical and without ferocity. She couldn't be entertained by reading, meditating or even the very confines of he own mind. Everything felt grey and stale.

Her unhappy and insecure emotional self was now front and center of all her other counterparts, who had all but retreated to back of her mind.

Depressed.

That was a good word for it. Raven was no stranger to this word and its definition, and yet she'd never felt it so profoundly before. Before there had been more to blame it on, such as her father, her powers, her future destiny; but now she had nothing to blame it on but herself.

She had never been so disappointed in herself.

Dr. Greg had set her up in the hopes of her finding clarity and forgiveness in a man she hated and what had she done? She had completely turned that goal around into a twisted attraction and longing. Even though he hadn't said as much, Dr. Greg had also been disappointed in her progress, which wasn't so much progress as much as a discovered flaw in her character.

_No one is perfect. _

Raven's daydreams were interrupted with an abrupt shove to her shoulder which sent her staggering into the bookcase.

"What the hell Slade?"

Raven slammed her book back on the shelf and glared at him while he returned his own book on the shelf and looked calmly back at her.

"You've been standing there for the past twenty minutes like a zombie."

"Zombies don't stand still, they try to eat your brains out, asshole."

Raven huffed away towards the bathroom feeling the strong need for a hot bath.

"Forgive me for being politically incorrect," Slade retorted following close behind. "But if this is some monthly hormonal female issue, than I have to say you need to find a way to become less of a lecherous demon bitch."

Their time together in all the fighting cages had not failed Raven as she turned fast on her heel quicker than he anticipated and punched him with enough forced that sent him staggering backwards.

He could already feel the swelling and burning in his skin and knew he was going to have one hell of a bruise on his face tomorrow. He was preparing himself for a full on fight, ready to combat her and get use of her actual power, but it never came.

What she had done was not an impulse or flash of anger, it had been very deliberate and purposeful. Had it been the latter it would've been through her powers bursting from her lack of control, she had been very much in control.

He watched as she caressed her knuckles painfully and continued to walk away from him towards the bathroom. He pursued her, although this time he kept his distance.

Raven didn't bother to close the door as she sat on the edge of the tub and turned the tap as hot as it would go. She placed her bruised hand under the stream and inhaled sharply feeling the rush of pain and relief go over her tender skin.

She felt Slade's presence beside her just as hot and just as sharp. That's what it felt like being near him, hot, aware and present. It was rushing over you like water to the point where you felt refreshed and near drowning.

"I am **not **going through any monthly cycle. I am not sick, I am not even losing my mind as much as you'd like," she seethed shooting him an evil eye.

"I noticed as much," he replied rubbing his face.

Raven turned off the tap and examined her bright red skin already preparing to heal itself from the impact of the punch. "What I am is anxious, and stressed...and so incredibly stupid."

She sat forward to face Slade and arched her neck up to meet his gaze. "I actually expected to discover something about you that would help me see you as something more than a criminal. Maybe some side of you that wasn't so boring and predictable as a rich millionaire with a thrill for killing and hunting people for more money and business deals."

Slade shifted slightly and Raven felt a wave of resentment come off him.

"And instead all I discover is more about myself than I ever cared to know."

"Knowing more about yourself should be a strength, not a weakness," Slade chastised her.

She scoffed at him and started to move towards his bedroom, she had to do a much delayed inspection of his home, as she crossed him she paused and came face to face with him as she had so many times before. "I discovered that I'm not myself when I'm with you, I'm the worst I could ever be with you. That's why I'll be glad when they reassign some other poor soul to be around you for the rest of this year."

Raven went into the bedroom lazily and began to haphazardly go through things not really bothering to look at anything. There was nothing important, there never was. Maybe that's what Slade was actually counting on. For her to give up and use the next person to get out.

Raven didn't care, soon enough it wouldn't be her problem anymore, she would walk away from this and not look back.

Raven was about to stop there and give up on the rest of the inspection when something caught her eye. There was something new.

Something was sitting on the bedside table. A plain manila folder stuffed with several papers. Raven noticed a label on the tab with letters on it. She approached it cautiously not sure if the papers in the folder might be schematics of the tower, database information on Titan profiles, maybe even some kind of an escape plan.

But something more sinister jumped out at her when she realized the letters on the file spelled out her name.

Raven's stomach dropped and her breath hitched in her throat as she realized what she was looking at.

_Oh no, oh please!_

It was her file and transcripts from Dr. Greg. everything she had discussed with him and his own evaluations of her sessions with him.

Raven's legs collapsed under her as her eyes scanned frantically over the pages.

_Session One: Raven exhibits signs of insecurity, passive-aggressiveness and anti-social behavior. Signs of self-improvement can be seen through college goals and pursuits outside of the Titans, however these goals may be too extreme in her capability in dealing with stress which causes her to act out inappropriately...possible borderline personality disorder-_

Raven stopped herself, she knew she shouldn't be reading this, she knew Dr. Greg's medical assessment of her was for his eyes only, and yet...

_Session Five: Her loyalty and devotion to her family may be inhibiting her from reaching out to others and achieving healthy personal relationships outside of the Titans. While advising her to be objective and seek the humanity in Slade, Raven's past traumas have led her emotional reactions to ones of extreme anxiety, revenge and romanticism. _

_Personal feelings towards Slade Wilson, based on past actions, is clouding her better judgment to forgive and move on and is instead turning into feelings of lust and possessiveness..._

It had been months since one had occurred, and yet Raven felt the onslaught of a panic attack taking over. Slade had read her file. He knew how she felt about him.

_Caution must be advised when mentoring her in dealing with her admiration towards Slade so she does not hurt herself or him. High anxiety and stress levels could lead to future anxiety disorders and depression once her monitoring of Slade is completed. Further follow up is needed. _

The last page was the worst. It was everything she had admitted to Dr. Greg about her daydreams and imaginings of Slade that she would never act on, but none the less made her feel compromised all the same.

Raven's chest tightened and her eyes went blurry. The words seemed to swim all over the page as blood filled her ears and bile rose to her throat. She couldn't breathe, she felt like she could pass out at any moment.

_Raven's justifying the pain Slade had inflicted on her years ago by reversing roles in their dynamic. Instead of focusing on her anger and motivation to physically hurt him, she is seeking to emotionally hurt him. _

_Failure to be objective in seeing him as a person and criminal has led her to see him as a literal incarnation of evil that she is both scared and attracted to. Will have to abort her position as a parole officer and assign someone better suited to monitor him. _

Raven was gasping for air with hot tears streaming down her cheeks when Slade entered the bedroom to find her sitting on the floor clutching the profile tightly in her fists. She did not have the will power to look at him as her sentences came out choppy and harsh.

"How did you get this?"

Slade turned his direction towards the windows and looked out at the view of the city, all aglow with lights as the night seemed to grow darker and darker.

"How do you think? Did you really think you could trust Terra even after all this time? I needed something, I convinced her to get it to me, not that she minded turning in personal information about you, she's always hated you."

Raven was shaking so hard her teeth were chattering. There was no calming down from this, her body was going into override and she was just going to have to ride it out and a few of Slade's personal possessions were going to have to melt away by the outpour of her powers.

"I had my suspicions for some time that you were experiencing something very strong and different towards me. Imagine my amusement to discover a Titan having a crush on me."

As things around them started to be deformed and unfixable, Raven managed to rise to her feet and approach him. "Why?"

It was a question she already knew the answer to, but she needed to hear it from his lips.

"What exactly do you gain from knowing that I'm attracted to you or that I want you to emotionally want me, when we both know it's never going to happen?"

Slade sighed, almost tiredly as he examined her up and down carefully. He was weighing her, seeing if anything more than just a tantrum was going to emerge, here he had just unearthed a deep dark secret as he had when she was a teenager and yet she was actually standing up to him as opposed to running away or cowering in fear.

He was impressed by her resilience and disappointed by her pathetic emotional needing. In a way he had broken her down, just not the way he had wanted.

"Every law that was changed, every mention of your name, every time I checked in on you and your friends and all I could remember is you on your birthday and all I that power you truly possessed and how easy it was to tear it from you. I thought if I killed you, you'd finally be out of my head. I thought killing you would be easy this time since you no longer served any purpose for me and that getting you to lose control would be as easy as the first."

Raven stared at him mutely for the longest time. She sucked in a deep breath of air and asked, "And now? You haven't tried to kill me once since I've been in your home...why?"

Slade glanced down at the floor and Raven could already sense he was getting ready to leave out details. "I was hoping you'd break down and be the cause of my escape. Despite the little episode you're clearly having, I'd say that plan backfired. At the very least the Titans will be severely fractured once you inform them of Terra's latest betrayal."

Again Raven stood there dumbly. There were still so many unanswered question and Slade was not inclined to give them. Why would he? When would she learn?

"That's it?"

"That's it. Disappointed?"

She gasped at him and began running her fingers rapidly through her hair. "Yeah...all along I was just some hindrance you were trying to get rid of."

He narrowed his eye and became even more annoyed by the meltdown taking place in front of him. "You are no longer my problem," he answered gravely turning his back to her.

She had to clamp her jaw shut to keep it from falling open in shock. "Your problem?" she tried to keep the emotions down but they came bursting out as she screamed at him, "**I have been here everyday away from my family under your request and have done everything to maintain my composure while you still haven't given me the one thing I've hoped for!**"

He turned to her noticing that a few things had been knocked from the shelves from the overwhelming nature of her powers, her eyes were red with tears and rage, she was looking at him pleadingly as though he should know what she was asking for.

"What exactly were you hoping for?" he asked seriously and directly.

She let in a shaky breath as though she would start sobbing and shook her head at him disbelievingly. "What do you think? You are the only person outside of the Titans I have a connection with. You are my greatest enemy, you're the one who helped kill me and help deliver me to my father...and when you tried to kill me again you invite me into your life with no real explanation other than to further push me into insanity." She paused to look him deeply in his eye, to look deep in his soul for the truth.

"Was there ever a moment in the last months we talked and got to know each other that you ever felt any regret or shame for what you did to me...then or now?"

That was it... that was what she had truly wanted to know all along, that was what she had really been searching for. All the humanity in Slade and all the evil in him, none of it had mattered. None of it would bring her to forgive him unless she knew that he was capable of guilt, after everything they had been through would he ever apologize to her as she so urgently wanted?

Slade looked straight back at her and flatly replied, "How can a psychopath feel regret?"

She stared straight at him, hard and determined. She would never get her apology, she would never know why he hadn't tried to kill her again, but she had to know one thing,

"Psychopaths don't trust. You trusted me to be here, you still trust me not to kill you. Why do you trust me Slade?"

Slade merely grinned and casually replied. "Go ask Terra."


	21. Truth or Consequence

A/N: Wow I feel bad for letting this story go without update or work for so long, and I apologize to everyone reading it, who favorited it, reviewed it, for everything. I won't even go into excuses, there are so many I could write a book of them. So I will not keep you waiting any longer. All chapters are here to finally complete the story! I want to thank you all and bid farewell to fanfiction all together, for this is my last piece. Enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter 20: Truth or Consequence**

"_Do you view yourself as a self-sabotaging person?"_

It had been a good question at the time, the perfect question in fact, because as hard as Terra tried she just couldn't help herself.

She knew sooner or later Raven would find out, whether it be from Slade mocking and taunting her for it or if Raven just stumbled upon it herself while nosing around Slade's penthouse, Raven would figure out that Terra had stolen personal files from Dr. Greg's office and given them over to Slade.

Why?

There were a series of reasons that went through Terra's head: She just felt like it, it was obvious she wasn't ever going to be friends with Raven, it was even more obvious that Raven was attracted to Slade, she was never going to be a true Titan, etcetera, etcetera.

But the real reason was because she needed a little payback for what Raven had completely ruined in the caves. What Terra had been counting on… and after her session with Dr. Greg she knew there was only one option…Get out.

Terra was gearing up and readying herself for whatever would come next. She knew Raven was going to be mad, to what degree was all the difference.

What she got was unexpected as Raven walked into her room stoic and mute. Neither one had to start with accusations or finger pointing, they both knew what Terra had done.

"That was fast," Terra started.

Raven closed her eyes for a second and took in a deep breath. "I don't know if I'll ever understand you Terra."

Terra rolled her eyes and smugly responded, "Well perhaps we could ask Dr. Greg, he's very good at his job."

Raven's heart dropped in her stomach. "Did he…?" she couldn't even finish the sentence.

"No, he didn't betray your confidence, he just sucks at keeping his files locked up."

Raven had to shake her head at Terra's immaturity, how could she be so dismissive of her actions?

"What exactly was the point of doing that? Revealing my thoughts and feeling to Slade?" Raven was trying very hard to put herself in Terra's mindset, but the chambers and levels of Terra's motives always felt random and turbulent. It couldn't be as simple as Terra hating her, there was something more going on, something Slade and Terra had been keeping from Raven.

Terra crossed her arms and took a long thoughtful pause, almost as though she was trying to make sense of her actions herself.

"Honestly Raven I didn't want to do it, but I did feel it was necessary."

"Necessary?" Raven repeated frustrated.

"I've been upset with you for a while now, and it was just so damn obvious that something was going on with you every time you came back from seeing Slade. At first I wasn't sure what it was but then I realized where I'd seen it before."

Raven felt like she could vomit at any moment.

"On my own face," Terra said brightly. "When I first really saw his face and been in his home, in his presence, god I was so smitten and so willing."

Raven shuddered, not wanting to compare misplaced attractions with Terra of all people.

Terra looked at Raven enviously before shrugging her shoulders. "But according to Slade you have a stronger willpower than I ever did, oh well…it could've been something we had in common."

Raven nearly gagged but was distracted by the overstuffed travel bags scattered all over Terra's bed.

Raven didn't even bother glaring or becoming upset at Terra. "You're leaving."

Terra arched an eyebrow, almost daring Raven to say more. "Well I figure you're going to run to the others and tell them how I betrayed you yet again."

Raven had to tell the Titans even if she didn't want to. It would be wrong of her not to inform them of what was in fact a betrayal of a team member to the enemy. It didn't matter how Terra worded it or played it cool, Terra knew she had ruined her chances, why else would she have packed her bags?

"Why did Slade ask for me?"

Slade and Terra both knew something concerning Raven, something that made him trust her and made Terra resentful. There as something about Raven that made Slade curious of her, something that made Terra paranoid and suspicious. What as the big secret? What was going on?

Terra looked passive and calm, there would be no final confrontation, there would be no big blow out. This would be the last time her and Raven would ever talk to each other again.

"I wasn't lying when I said I wanted to be forgotten, I really didn't think I had much of a chance of ever being a Titan again. I wanted to come back to the Titans, I wanted to make proper amends for what I had done, but how can you make up for something like betraying the Teen Titans other than dying?"

Tears swelled in Terra's eyes and rolled down her cheeks freely. She didn't bother wiping them away or bother with feeling embarrassed or ashamed, the memory was too raw and real for her still.

"Then I was alive again and the world had moved on and I felt ok just being an ordinary person but when Beastboy confronted me and begged me to come back I felt so guilty and so lonely. I worked to get control of my powers again, hoping…just waiting for a moment when I might be able to work up the courage to face you all again."

She finally unleashed a look towards Raven she had been saving for a while now, and with it Raven felt intense white hatred that had been so deeply locked behind trying moments to either ignore or accept Raven's presence.

"But you were the biggest problem. I could never come back to the Titans if you were there always suspicious and always distrusting. Everyone would be able to forgive and forget eventually…except you."

Raven had to look away a little ashamed, it wasn't untrue, Raven would never be able to forgive and forget, it wasn't in her nature.

"**You**, who changed the laws," Terra's voice lowered in anger. "**You**, who brought Slade back from the dead."

Raven felt a cold ripple slice through her, she never even thought of Terra specifically hating her for indirectly bringing Slade back from hell, but it made sense.

"**You**, who saved his life."

Raven thought she heard wrong and had to take a moment to process.

Something echoed in the back of her muddled memory… in the caves…before the rocks fell down, Terra's voice echoing off the walls.

_Actually… I was hoping we could pick up where we left off._

Terra watched as Raven started putting the pieces together. "Slade was allowed to get off easy for all the things he did to me. I wanted to finish all the bad history between us, it was perfect timing and the perfect target was you…since I needed you gone too."

Raven felt her breath leave her body, finally realizing what that statement from Terra had meant. The night Raven couldn't remember, the night they tried catching Slade in the caves.

"I did convince him to come meet me in the caves, but I did it as an ambush, he knew you were there the whole time, he grabbed for you before you could set off your communicator and that's when I took my shot."

She hadn't planned on capturing Slade, she had planned on killing him...by killing her.

Raven looked Terra in the eye and finally saw the truth, saw a very different Terra than the shy sweet girl who had re-entered the Tower. She hadn't wanted her help in catching Slade, she had used her as bait.

Terra licked her lips and spoke up. "He wanted to kill you so badly, I thought if I let him then it would throw him off his game and I would be able to get rid of him right after. You'd both be dead but I'd convince the Titans it was all Slade's doing and that I had killed him to avenge you." Terra sighed and shook her head in disappointment. "Such a sweet idea that failed."

Raven felt a very powerful emergence of buried memories come at her as though she were reliving them. Slade had still been watchful with Terra, the second she tried to attack the both of them Slade had already managed to dodge the devastating blow which hit Raven head on.

Just as Slade had prepared to fight back, Terra had engulfed him with boulders that slowly began to squeeze in on him till Raven couldn't see him anymore.

Terra was going to crush him to death.

Raven was in the rubble watching as Terra planned to murder Slade and felt her own life slipping as warm blood blurred her eyes and her lungs failed to receive any air, her lung had collapsed. Things were broken, she wasn't sure what, but the way her body rested didn't feel natural, and yet through all the pain and fear Raven recalled telling Terra to stop.

They had to get the rest of the team down there! They had to deliver him to justice, they had to do this together. In that moment when Terra finally looked at Raven lying in the rocks Raven felt it.

Satisfaction.

Terra had no intention of reaching the Titans, she had no intention of helping Raven, she had every intention of killing Slade and letting her die there.

Whatever it was that made Raven do what she did next would never make sense to her, never in a million years, but with what little energy she had left she summoned whatever emotion she had and her full blown demonic presence lashed out at Terra, freeing Slade from her clutches.

Her Rage quickly dissipated back to her body as Raven blacked out.

Raven could hear Terra speaking, but it was almost as if she were dreaming, the world just didn't seem real anymore

"When Slade was free from my hold he went over to you…I thought he was going to finish the job, but instead he reached for your communicator and set it off. I fought so hard to kill him before the Titans came but even after all these years he's still so untouchable."

She laughed to herself as though she made a joke, if she had it had been lost on Raven. "Anyway," she continued, "By the time the rest of the team showed up I realized it was too late, I wouldn't be able to kill him and chances were they would be able to revive you and you would tell them what you saw me trying to do… I wanted to run away, but Slade did something unexpected…he slowed down and let me trap him in a pile of boulders and whispered to me 'better go check on Raven.' Everyone was there all at once and without thinking I dropped down and grabbed you, I couldn't let you die, otherwise they'd all hate me all over again. When you started gaining consciousness you couldn't remember anything, I then decided I could use that. It looked like I was trying to save you, your fiends believed it, therefore they owed me one."

Raven wavered as the final realization came to her. "That was why Slade requested me."

Terra shrugged. "He was letting me get away with the lie, I figured it was his way of repaying you for saving his life, because I was planning to crush him nice…and slowly."

Raven didn't say anything, there was nothing to say. She knew the truth now and there wasn't much left to ask except…

"Why now? Why didn't you do all this sooner, why did you go along with acting like a Titan and then ruin it by telling me all this?"

Terra had tears brimming her eyes again, only this time she did blink them away. This time she was embarrassed and shameful.

"I started to see that I could've bonded with you at some point, I could've made that connection, I could've worked for your forgiveness and maybe even got it when I realized Slade had trapped you in his house with him. How he did things to me to make me feel the worst version of myself…."

Terra let out a shaky breath and began to full out sob. Raven had to take a step back from the swirl of conflicting emotions rolling through Terra. Raven saw the same damaged girl as fresh as the day she stumbled into their lives.

"I felt so wrong for wanting you dead, I felt so wrong for still hating you, but I felt even more wrong that I actually thought I could replace you on this team. I just wanted a chance to belong again and when I went to visit Dr. Greg I realized I could never be happy again until I finally stopped lying…not just about Slade, but about you too."

Terra took a deep breath and hoisted her duffels firmly around her shoulders. "I gave Slade the files because I wanted you to realize that there's no point in trying to deny your thoughts or feelings. They will always be there. I'm sick and tired of all the bullshit, Slade knows how you feel, you know why you're there, we're all even as far as I'm concerned."

Terra walked past Raven towards the door, stopped and put a hand on her shoulder. "For what it's worth you'll be able to move on now, but I still think it's real shit of you to go falling in love with someone like that and still be judgmental of me."

* * *

She sat in the living room for what felt like hours. Terra really did have perfect timing. Robin and Starfire had been out on a date, Cyborg had been in the basement of the tower locked up in his garage working on his car, and poor Beastboy had gone out that day looking for the perfect promise ring for Terra.

Raven knew he'd be bruising himself with finding the best ring possible within the city, running around in various animal forms, giddy with excitement over how she might react to it.

Raven could almost cry from thinking how she was about to break his heart. The key word being "Almost."

Raven hadn't been wrong about Terra, she did things that best suited her survival. She had been battling with personal demons, she had still been hiding a lot, and ultimately she betrayed them out of anger and fear…**AGAIN!**

Still Terra had been right about a few things herself, she had had a chance with earning Raven's trust again, but the fact that she had been aiming to kill her along with Slade just to make it easier to return to the Titans was not right in any sense.

The fact was Terra did not have the moral code of a Titan, of a true hero, and that as what had made Raven save Slade in the end. She was not a murderer, as much as she hated him and as much as she wanted him dead and out of her life, she couldn't bring herself to watch a person kill another person without taking action to stop it. She had moved on from that level of evil within her demonic self.

Her own emotional self which was Rage didn't even attempt to kill Terra when she had unleased it on her, it wasn't in her. The anger and wishful thinking to do so was, but as Dr. Greg had been trying to teach her, you can't control your thoughts or emotions, just your actions.

Raven heard the doors to the living room swish open and knew that everyone would soon be gathered. It was a team mentality, once a few of them were gathered together the rest were soon to follow.

Raven realized her hands were shaking as they all started discussing their days and when Beastboy pulled out a very beautiful ring asking impatiently where Terra was.

"Are you ok Raven?" Robin asked trying to catch her eyes. "You're being very quiet."

Raven looked around the room as everyone's eyes fell on hers except for Beastboy who was still examining the ring and waiting for Terra to enter the room at any moment. The moment would never come.

"I have something I need to tell all of you."


	22. To Feel and Act

**Chapter 21: To Feel and Act **

There was tension. Unbearable tension.

Raven felt it was somehow inadvertently her fault, but it wasn't as though she could hide the fact that Terra was gone. She didn't reveal the fact that Terra had stolen her therapy files and given them to Slade, she simply let it be known that Terra couldn't burden the secrets and lies anymore, which was true.

Terra had been too weak to come clean in person, so Raven had to be the deliverer of bad news, and she had to watch first hand as everyone she loved became heartbroken again.

But Beastboy hadn't just been heartbroken, he had been destroyed. He had fully convinced himself that he was falling in love with Terra and she had run off for good.

With the exception of Raven, the tower had been a harmonious unit, but that was now gone, things had changed so much and so quickly that no matter where she went she was never going to feel at ease any time soon.

Robin was searching relentlessly for Terra, the fact that she had just up and left was not satisfying enough for him, he needed more, he needed to make sure she wouldn't do something dangerous. But he already knew as well as everyone else that she was gone, but it seemed too useless of him to just let it go and do nothing, so he threw himself into work to deal with his own feelings.

Starfire had outright cried. She cried at the thought of Raven possibly being killed by Terra, she cried having Terra back as friend, she cried knowing Terra had left, she cried knowing Terra had betrayed them. Starfire could have cried enough for all of them for it hurt her and hurt knowing her friends had been just as caught off guard.

Cyborg shut down emotionally. He had been tuning everyone out to grasp the situation and to internally blame himself for not being more observant and aware of the possibility, he had truly wanted things with Terra to work out, and even feared the possibility of failure. But when Raven revealed how Terra had used the incident in the caves to get back in his good graces, Cyborg felt like the butt of an evil joke. Most days Cyborg kept to himself in his garage where it was nice and quiet.

Beastboy was seized with disbelief, shocked into disparity and filled with carnal rage that the gym had been completely destroyed by his various animal morphs, animals Raven had never seen before. No one dared approach Beastboy, it wasn't something they could help him through, they just had to let him get it all out.

Raven had no doubt that he would eventually move on, but would he ever be the same again? Would any of them be able to fully trust anyone again?

There were reasons not to trust people, even the ones closest to you. People were a torrent of emotions and in their weakest moments they turned to the easiest solutions or desertions, you can't hold people accountable for all their actions when you didn't know what is going on in their heads.

Raven was lying on her bed, gazing up at the ceiling when the time started to send a familiar tug at her body. She should be going to see Slade now, but ever since her last night with him and the whole "Terra betrayal and confessions" mess, she had made it very clear with the police precinct and mayor that they needed to replace her as Slade's parolee.

There hadn't been much convincing since Dr. Greg's recommendation had also come to their attention. Raven gave a very vague reason as for why she could no longer do it and Dr. Greg had simply titled her "inappropriate" for the job.

No one seemed to really care anymore, Winter was just around the corner, the better half of a year had gone by without any hassle or disturbance from Slade. As far as the system was concerned, everything was working just fine.

As far as a missing Titan went, it was nobody's problem except for the Titans. There were so many powerful super beings as is, what was the world without one earth manipulator?

Raven felt the familiar pull again as the sun set down. _You're late._

Raven lost track of which emotion was running around in her head lately, heck it might not have even been her own emotion but Slade's own mocking voice ringing through her head. So many days with him and she could already anticipate what he would say.

It was bad that she felt more in tune with him than she did with her own family. There was no way for her to fix this and yet she wanted to so badly.

She wished she had never gotten into a fight with Slade, she wished she could've remembered Terra trying to kill them both, she wished she never been sentenced to be his parole officer, she wished she never developed such feelings, she wished Terra could keep her mouth shut and her actions under control.

_Wishing is useless. _

Defiantly his voice.

Raven heard the slight hiss of door opening from the hallway and knew it was from Beastboy's room. She quickly got up and opened her own door to see him stomping down the hallway barely glancing at her.

"Garfield." Her voice came out so meekly, one might mistake it for fear. Raven knew Beastboy would never hurt her but she was afraid one wrong word would set him off even deeper into despondency.

"What?" his voice clipped with anger.

Raven flinched but quickly brushed it off.

"Do You want to talk? I mean… I know I'm not the easiest person to talk to about Terra but –"

"No Raven! You're not the easiest person talk to. **At all**." As soon as he snapped he looked guilty. "I'm sorry Rae, but just knowing how much you two hated each other…" He made and exasperated sound and growled to himself. "It just makes it that much worse, you know?"

She nodded firmly to him and understood that things between them were now severely fractured. On some level he blamed her for Terra's actions, Terra was messed up either way, but her main source of frustration was Raven, not any other Titan.

In a lot of ways, it would have been better if Raven had just died, no one would have known and Beastboy would recover because as much as he shouldn't, Beastboy would always fall back in love with Terra. He was dawn to her and that would never go away.

Although he loved Raven, it wasn't on the same level as Terra. He would never wish Raven dead, but knowing that the girl of his dreams was willing to kill one of his best friends just to be closer to him made him feel like shit.

Raven felt cold inside as Beastboy walked away, not once meeting her eyes ever since the news had been broken.

She hugged herself and without thinking grabbed for her cloak and rushed out of the tower. She had to get away.

* * *

He breathed in loudly and deeply, and for the first time in all their sessions he actually looked his age. He had always been so cool and collected that now Raven could easily see behind the façade. Dr. Greg was tired and worn down, particularly by her. Getting a true and honest answer out of her had been like pulling teeth, he had been beyond patient with her, and did get rewarded with genuine answers sometimes.

He didn't do this job for the money, or for the chance to meet with Titans, he did this job because he really did care about people, about his patients, about helping them through their problems.

Dr. Adam Greg had been doing this for over 20 years and had never met someone like Raven.

He had known her story before meeting her. Knew she possessed great power that she had already destroyed the world once, and yet when he met her she was a mere young woman terribly insecure and frightened with herself.

It made him feel like a failure when he learned her file was missing soon after Terra had left.

Terra had been a quick diagnosis for him.

Manipulative, lack of empathy, controlling, easily influenced.

He should have been wary when she shook his hand goodbye and gave him a smile that didn't reach her eyes. He had locked up his office the same as every night, but when he got to work the next morning he could feel something was different, like someone had just been there.

Nothing noticeable was missing, nothing in the wrong place or moved, even the drawer which he kept all his personal files in were still locked and yet something felt off to him. One by one he painstakingly went through each file until he realized one was missing.

As soon as he discovered Raven's file was gone, he knew Terra was the one who took it. He should have known right away when replaying their session together.

* * *

_Her questions were odd and downplaying, when he asked her questions she never fully answered them. _

_Any topic revolving around Raven or Slade made her freeze up._

"_How do you feel about your past involvement with Slade now?"_

_She darted her eyes back and forth having a tough time looking directly at him. "I don't think about it, so there's not much to feel or say about him."_

_He seriously doubted that, but it was best not to condescend to a patient. "What about Raven being around him so much? Does that make things more difficult in your relationship to her?" _

_She shrugged and gave him a snide smirk. "We don't have a relationship; she can do whatever she wants with Slade. I could care less."_

"_It doesn't make you uncomfortable that she could be doing anything with Slade? A man who used you and caused you to betray your friends?"_

_That question finally caused a break in Terra's shield. Her attitude shifted to one of great displeasure as her foot began to shake. _

_She took a concentrated breath before answering. "Raven is a big girl, she can handle her own. What Slade did with me was completely different. I was still a teenager, I didn't know any better."_

_Something struck him as very familiar about her statement. "What was it that you didn't comprehend as being wrong or inappropriate for your age?"_

_She rolled her eyes at him as though she figured out what he was getting at. "It doesn't matter now, it's nothing I can change or take back, it is what it is."_

"_But if you could change it, would you?"_

_She suddenly had a far off look that made him cringe. "Believe me I've tried."_

* * *

"I truly am sorry Raven."

Raven didn't blame him, not even the slightest. She couldn't be angry with Dr. Greg when she owed him so much. Had she not had him to talk there would be no telling how she would've dealt with her time with Slade. Although she hadn't gone in the direction Dr. Greg had hoped for her, he had greatly guided her away from self-destruction.

"You didn't know she would've done that, I didn't know she would do something like that, I'm surprised she lasted so long actually."

Raven looked out the window and contemplated all the hours spent sitting across from Dr. Greg.

"I just wanted you to know that you were right in recommending someone other than me to monitor Slade. Not that anything was going to come of it…but I wasn't being an effective parole officer and it wasn't good on my psyche."

Dr. Greg struggled to look at her without a pang of guilt running through him. "I'm glad you realize and accept that, and I want you to know that I don't consider your assignment and role as Slade's parole officer a failure. I was truly looking out for you as my patient."

Raven smiled a true warm smile at him. She felt closer to him now more than ever, she was capable of bonding with ordinary people, and that gave her comfort. "And as your patient I need your recommendation for something…only if you truly trust me and my ability."

He arched an eyebrow, curious as to what her proposal would be. "What is it that you need?"


	23. The Last Night

**Chapter 22: The Last Night**

Slade had had a lot to consider these last few days. The most urgent thing to worry on would be the future. Now that Terra was no longer a Titan and in full use of her powers, he was going to have to watch his back, she had tried to kill him again and would have succeeded again had it not been for Raven saving his life.

In a strange way he had been saved by Raven twice, her father had brought him back as an errand boy but it was enough to drive him, being her messenger. He had owed not losing his life again to her, although her still couldn't fully grasp why she chose to save him.

What was it about him that drove her to develop an attraction to him? He didn't consider himself an unattractive man, but he was much older than her, much colder, and much more opposed to emotional connection than she was.

There was no foundation for her attraction, no reason and yet it had happened. On one hand it was flattering, on an another it was disturbing. He didn't know how else to treat it other than to mock her for it, it wasn't as though she had any intention to act on her desire, but it did make him wonder how she would've acted if she had been weaker in this situation.

He could see himself on top of her, he had been on top of her physically many times, but sex? It seemed like something in another dimension. He wasn't a stranger to seducing young women, dare even say young girls, but sex for him was just another dominance tool.

Sex with Raven didn't have an end goal because he knew she would never betray the Titans the way Terra was so easily able to.

He didn't want to know the outcome of a possible mess involving a sexual relationship with a devoted Titan. Even the one with Terra, who wasn't devoted, hadn't ended well for him.

Yet it had become oddly comfortable to have her in his home every day. He couldn't even remember the name of the person now monitoring him, some ex- marine type who they thought was suitable enough to finish out the rest of the year Slade had left for his in home confinement.

Not that Slade was planning to finish it out. He could've escaped and been gone for a while now, but he had stuck around because….

He didn't really know.

Maybe he had grown a little too use to his inquisitive wonderment for Raven. The few moments of surprises from her were enough to keep him pushing her further and further. When she first stepped into his home he didn't expect her to ever talk to him, he never expected to be eating dinner with her nearly every night, he didn't expect long and intense sparring matches with her, he didn't expect such heated arguments with her.

What he had expected and ever hoped for… never came, and now he didn't even know why he expected her to lose enough control to get into another fight with him or to break down enough to not show up to do her job.

She had already shown him the extent of her restraint when she hadn't let Terra kill him. Maybe he should've asked for a different Titan, no doubt they would try to destroy him eventually and he was more than sure he'd be able to beat any one of them. But it felt easier having Raven close by, because she would be the one willing to stop Terra, if Terra planned on coming back to finish the job.

But Terra had also surprised him. Where her control over her powers had improved greatly, her mentality was still in shambles, she was weaker than ever, not once trying to come after him during his sentence. Even now having revealed the truth to the Titans she hadn't sought him out.

Just the once when she'd snuck into his building, knocked and ran off leaving the file on his doorstep. He knew it was her by the small traces of dirt from her shoes, the smell of her hair, and the general energy in the air he'd been attuned to. It had been the last real trace he'd seen of her.

It didn't mean she'd be gone forever, but it was pathetic how she always fled from her own insecurities each time they came about and had to lick her wounds before anyone saw her face again.

Now that everyone knew what his face looked like, he supposed he could go without the mask, but he was sure the mask would become part of his persona again, the image was just too ingrained in what he represented. However, Raven would never see him that way again.

_Time is wasting. _

There was nothing holding him back now. He had everything planned out, and with Raven gone it would be that much easier. There was no point in putting it off any longer, he'd done a majority of his time peacefully because of the dark Titan, but she had jumped ship and it was time for him to do the same.

As Slade wandered into the kitchen of his home to prepare one last meal for himself he heard a very unfamiliar sound.

A knock at his door.

The sound was so unusual for him that he considered taking it as a threat, his new probation officer had already done his job for the day, the cops never visited him for anything, so who hell could be at his door?

He didn't know why he was speculating when he already had a good idea of who it was.

She didn't say a word to him as she stood in his doorway in her uniform and just as mute as the first night she arrived into his home. She finally held up a slip approving visitation rights for one night. He motioned her inside and went back to preparing dinner, this time for two.

"I see you didn't suffer a mental break down; the world is still intact."

She gave a slight smirk. "I don't think I'm that powerful anymore now that my father is dead."

He placed a plate in front of her. "Don't sell yourself so short."

She met his eye for a moment before resting her elbows against the cold marble of the island. "Why didn't you just tell me what had happened."

"Why would I?" he countered while mixing oils and spices.

"Because it would've hindered the team, because you could've gotten payback at Terra, because revealing weaknesses is what you do." Raven felt it trivial to be listing all this, Slade knew he could've used this information against her at any point in time in their months together, but he had blatantly chosen not to.

He didn't say anything for several minutes while he quickly finished up a serving of vegetables with grilled fish and rice. He poured them both a glass of wine, already knowing she wouldn't touch hers and sat down across from her.

"What? No chocolate cake?"

From any other woman that question would've sounded teasing, but with Raven it was as deadpanned as ever.

He struggled with his disappointment at her tone. "I'm not much of a sweet tooth," he dismissed.

As they took their first bites, Slade cleared his throat and looked her dead in the eye. "First off, your team would've been shattered eventually. The thought of inviting Terra back was foolish on your part."

She wanted to argue that it hadn't been her decision, but it was hardly important, she had to go with the majority of the team anyway, that was how it worked.

"Second, Terra had every right to try and kill me. That doesn't mean I'll ever allow it but it's a fact I respect for taking advantage of her."

Whoa! Raven didn't expect to hear that from him. She saw him justifying his abuses of Terra as opposed to being honest about the reality. Yes, terra should hate him enough to want to kill him, Slade seemed alright with that, she was sure it hadn't been the first time someone wanted to kill him so badly.

"And last, you not knowing what happened was driving you insane and was your biggest weakness. The fact that you saved my life is not a weakness. You have your pathetic code as a hero, you followed it, you didn't let your emotions get the better of you."

Raven felt as though he were complimenting her in some way, in fact she felt like he was being purposefully nice.

She was growing impatient, as usual when she tried conversing with him. "Ok well… I give up then. I understand why you requested me, why you trust me and even why you would think it unimportant to tell me, but why did you have to be so secretive about it?"

He looked up at her equally annoyed. Why was it so damn important for her to know everything?

"It should be obvious by now that I've been instigating you to lose control again, not only would it have helped me escape, it also would've landed you in deeper trouble."

For the first time he saw a real genuine amused smile from her. "Now that I don't believe."

He put his fork down, now having lost his appetite.

"You figured out a long time ago how resilient I can be, I think you noticed my anxiety around you and actually helped me become stronger. You have a bad habit of grooming people into what you want them to be, you knew I'd never turn on my friends so you figured you just push me into what you considered a better version of myself."

He wasn't going to consider or confirm her theory. He pushed his food away and leaned closer to her.

"You saved me from being crushed to death. That was the only reason I requested you here, you saved my life. I owed you a debt and I repaid it. Otherwise I would have killed you the first day you stepped into this house."

She paused at him thoughtfully, put her fork down and pushed her plate away.

"You led me to death once," she said eyes downcast. "I don't know what you expected to change by killing me again after all these years. It's not like it changes anything that happened or the kind of person you became. You've already won, I'm not untouched by you anymore then you are by me."

Slade treaded lightly with his next words, for months now he found himself slipping and wanting to open up to her. He had told her before how he merely wanted to kill her because she was an annoyance, but it went deeper than that.

"You caused a pivotal moment in my life that allowed me a second chance, I wanted to move on from teenagers and focus on bigger things…and yet."

He knew it'd be the last time seeing her like this, what did it matter telling her now?

"I couldn't forget all the times I tried bringing your family down, whether it be training an apprentice, or leading you to your death, you kids became adults and remained a team. And after the world started changing its guidelines for punishment, all because of you and what happened, I became angry that I failed in my prospects of defeating the Titans."

A long a comfortable silence passed between them. Slade drained the last of his wine. "I targeted you first and when you were alone because I considered you the most influential member, I might've succeeded had it not been for Terra…what a fucking failure of a plan."

Raven gave a short laugh and shook her head remembering their fight at the school. "I think the real failure was the fact that I had moved on. You worked so hard for your apprentice, so hard for your body, so hard to rid me from your mind and yet here I am…someone who saved your life and can now never bring yourself to destroy."

She noticed his fist ball up, he still wanted to, still believed he could achieve killing her, but she was right. Slade had already failed in so many ways with the Titans that killing them now seemed pointless and a mere emotional inclination for revenge.

Raven surprised him by picking up her glass of wine and downing it just as he had. "You said I could never kill you, and you were right, but now I know you could never kill me either."

"I could always kill your precious family." An empty threat, but one he could still use against her.

She tilted her head daringly at him. "I think that would hurt me too much."

It would possibly tear her apart, emotionally kill her. Yet because he could never bring himself to physically do it, and since she would never do it in return despite the removal of her only moral compass, it wasn't fair.

He normally didn't consider himself a fair man, but to attack someone who wasn't going to defend themselves was no better than beating a child.

Perhaps in some small way she would always be a child to him, the unpredictably, the allusiveness, the sarcasm. Yet her inner strength was that of a mature healthy adult and in a way he had helped her get there. She knew she had unreasonable and irrational feelings and yet she dealt with them, not just apart from him, but with him.

Maybe it all hadn't been such a waste, her fighting abilities had greatly improved. Perhaps in the future if they ever did come face to face again she'd be a worthier advisory. He'd be looking forward to it.

Raven stood up and made her way for the door.

"No goodbye?" Slade called coldly from the kitchen.

She turned and arched her eyebrow at him. "What for? You're still going to be here the rest of the year, right?"

He didn't say anything and she didn't wait for an answer as she closed the door quietly behind her.

* * *

A/N: Epilogue coming soon!


	24. Epilogue

**Epilogue **

Things would return to normal... eventually, and not just within Titans tower, but as before, when Slade hadn't been such a fixture in their lives and Terra was still gone.

Slade had disappeared again, just three months away from serving a full sentence but the public had all but forgotten about him, save for the police department.

Raven didn't worry or expect to see him any time soon although Robin was as cautious as ever with him and Terra's whereabouts being unknown.

Starfire was back to being bright and optimistic as usual and constantly supporting and caring towards Raven.

Cyborg had managed to leave the confines of his garage and was also back in good spirits, although he did make an occasional threat to kill Slade if he ever saw him again.

Beastboy would still need more time, he was no longer angry at Raven, but the days he did feel ok enough to come out and socialize with the rest of the team he still had a far away and sad look in his eyes. Raven wished there was something she could say to make him feel better, but she had learned from experience that sometimes it was just better to let the pain run its course.

Dr. Adam Greg retired from counseling and was in the process of reconnecting with his family, the government was working on finding the Titans a new therapist, but many were unwilling after hearing that Dr. Greg's files had been stolen by a former Titan.

Raven didn't blame any of them for their reservations, but it did sting to know that she wouldn't be able to talk to a professional about her feelings and how to better manage them. She had become acutely aware of her emotions, taking in sessions from her time with Dr. Greg, and she felt a whole new maturity within herself.

As strange as the whole situation had seemed at the time, Raven still found herself reminiscent of her nights with Slade. The tension, the attraction, the hostility, the wanting and the unusual normalcy of it all.

She was starting to understand and accept the dynamic of her relationship with Slade and finally realized what Dr. Greg had meant by forgiving him.

It never meant forgiving him for all the horrible things he did to her, it didn't mean justifying or romanticizing him, and it never even meant being able to see him in a humane way from a hero's perspective.

What forgiveness meant for Slade was realizing that he would have done what he did because it was who he was. He was a man who sought power and dominance, a man without empathy, and man whose existence was to be a mercenary and leader.

There was nothing to be angry at if he did what he thought he should be doing, and in turn her doing what she had to do. It wasn't about one winning over the other, it was about balance.

And in the end that was all the government had been trying to achieve all these years with its new rules and regulations. It still wasn't perfect and maybe it never would be, but as Dr. Greg had always reminded her…_Practice._

The only time Slade disrupted her now was when she dreamed about him, which was often. Sometimes it would be them eating dinner, sometimes it was them in a sparring match, once it had turned particularly violent where Slade tried squeezing the life out her and she woke up gasping for air.

But what never appeared in her dreams or even her memories of him was his mask. That mask that had haunted her from the start, that made him less human, she finally realized that Dr. Greg had already assessed what she had wanted from the beginning; To make Slade something real, something less terrifying. It was why she had tried reaching for his mask during their fight, she wanted a different face before her death.

She had seen Slade's human nature, and his nature was darker compared to hers, but he was still human, and one couldn't fault someone for being what nature intended them to be.

For the most part he was out of her head, but there was always the amused and threatening part of him that danced around in her brain each time she headed toward the entrance of her school.

_Well, if it isn't my favorite Titan._

Robin would always be the one most obsessive in the prospects of bringing him down, but any future conflicts or battles with Slade, he was going to be focused on her. A year ago that would have scared her, now it just gave her motivation to keep up her training.

The ownership of his gym and many other businesses were in someone else's name nowadays, but Raven had remained a daily member of the same gym her and Slade had their matches. While not many were brave enough to actually get into a fighting cage with her, Raven was quickly adapting to intense workouts with free weights, climbing ropes and even some gymnastics equipment.

Having grown used to being fed so well by Slade also caused her to really commit to cooking, there had been multiple errors, she was no natural, but she soon became the go to chef in the tower. She mostly focused on making vegan meals for Beastboy since it seemed to help him come out of his stupor and t made her feel good to be taking care of everyone.

By far the worst habit she had developed was her taste for wine, something she didn't do for actual taste but for the feeling it gave her. The side effects of alcohol didn't have enough power to alter her mood or health since her healing abilities all but wiped the potency of the liquid out of her system. It helped her feel more powerful, more in control. Her last night with Slade she had been able to guzzle down the drink with the same confidence as him, without any anxiety or fear taking over.

Robin had told her once or twice how different she looked. She was different, in fact she felt better about herself than she had in long time and what she didn't want to admit was Slade's hand in helping her feel this way.

She had accused him so many times of bringing out the worst in her and yet here she sat feeling at her best and strangely gracious to him and all the tortures he put her through. Perhaps she had developed a small dose of Stockholm Syndrome, but overall she didn't feel used or victimized.

What struck her most was the idea of never seeing his physical face again, she felt deeply that Slade would return to his mask and often felt a twitch in her fingers as though they would reach out towards that mask again and try to rip it off.

She could still see his one lone eye studying her and the one other thing that still caused her hand to twitch was whatever lay under that eye patch, but some things were left best unknown. There were already too many things she didn't want to know, Slade and Terra for example.

Had there been others?

Worse yet would he ever invoke her again? Would Terra fall through in the same manner? Raven once remembered wondering what sex with Slade would be like, what impact it would leave on either of them. Now she was haunted by the thoughts of Slade toying with Terra's mind and body, and Raven was finally able to forgive Terra as well.

Slade found Terra at the perfect opportunity. Terra had been in such a vulnerable place, the biggest mistake hadn't been allowing her on the team, the real mistake was letting her run away from the team and into the arms of a madman.

Deep down Raven hoped Terra would eventually find peace, maybe one day even be able to reconcile with them on some small level. However just because you wanted things to get better, didn't mean they always did.

Raven had been lucky. She had gone through hell and back and came out stronger than ever. But sometimes…the fire doesn't let you go so easily, and sometimes even the best fall to the bottom of the pit. Sometimes you find yourself forever drowning in all the wrongs and sins you've committed, because sometimes the past catches up to you and sooner or later it always boils over.

And there was still a chance, always a chance, that Raven would fall. But if she was going to fall…she was going to take Slade with her.

* * *

A/N: Again, this story is a psychological exploration of Raven and her relationship with Slade as well as with Terra. This is purely a character development story and I hope you all enjoyed it. If you liked this one, please feel free to read my other Slade/Raven story "Unfinished." Thank you!


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